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  1. #11
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trentham View Post
    It's probably an unfair stereotype to paint any type with such a broad-brush descriptor as "boring." From my own experience, ISFJs are not boring in the sense that they don't like to go out and have a good time, or can't act silly and goof off. In fact, I've found the opposite to be true - under the right circumstances, an ISFJ can be the life of the party.

    That said, I was married to an ISFJ for three years and yes, by the end of our relationship I did find her to be boring.

    • She had a tendency to relate the same stories of her past to me over, and over, and over, without regard to how many times I'd already heard them. It got to a point where I could accurately predict which story she was about to tell, based on the situation at hand.
    • She was passionate about her interests, but they all bored me to no end (interior decorating/home remodeling, fashion, reality TV, pets, kids).
    • I found her to be somewhat superficial and simplistic (not simpleminded...just very straightforward) in her thought processes. That made deep/intimate conversation between us difficult.
    • Probably the most bothersome thing for me was her difficulty opening up to new experiences and ideas. Basically she would decide beforehand whether or not she was going to like something she wasn't familiar with. I found this to be very irritating and, well, boring.


    Bear in mind this is a limited sample, but it may give you some idea as to why certain people (NTs especially, I would guess) hold these views toward ISFJs.
    I am totally guilty of the bolded. The first one is the unfortunate consequence of being an Si-dom: Our lives and outlooks are mostly (if not entirely) shaped by our past experiences.

    Also, in regards to the second bolded item, I am stickler for habit and routines. I like my life to be very predictable as it maximizes how efficeintly I can go about my day. I mean, shit, just changing my hair style was a big adjustment for me.

    That being said, I think the two bolded items are also important because their related to one another. Since we shape our perceptions and attitudes based on past experiences, I feel it's important for Si-doms to be willing to branch out and experience new things. After all, if we stick solely to our routines, we won't ever experience anything new. If we don't add new experiences to our lives, then we won't ever grow. We'll just end staying locked away in our comfort zones.

    I wonder sometimes if this is why I'm so drawn to ExxP's. They can be so chaotic sometimes, and I think that's good for me (even if I do whine and complain as I'm being dragged along onto what's going to be an interesting adventure). I need someone to shake things up for me.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  2. #12
    Senior Member Trentham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    The first one is the unfortunate consequence of being an Si-dom: Our lives and outlooks are mostly (if not entirely) shaped by our past experiences.
    Yep, and once I figured this out it improved my understanding of where she was coming from immensely. It even (slightly) helped with the annoyance factor the 27th time she pulled out that 10-minute monologue on how she and her brother got lost at the zoo when she was 4 years old.

    Also, in regards to the second bolded item, I am stickler for habit and routines. I like my life to be very predictable as it maximizes how efficeintly I can go about my day. I mean, shit, just changing my hair style was a big adjustment for me.
    LOL...don't get me started on her various hair dramas. As to the desire for predictability, I found it very odd that she didn't like (good) surprises. I surprised her with a weekend getaway once and while she went along with it, she acted slightly annoyed that she had to put off her plans to spend the weekend...cleaning the house (???).

    I wonder sometimes if this is why I'm so drawn to ExxP's. They can be so chaotic sometimes, and I think that's good for me (even if I do whine and complain as I'm being dragged along onto what's going to be an interesting adventure). I need someone to shake things up for me.
    Could be. I do think that ISFJs can be drawn into that sort of relationship because they view so many things as mysterious or forbidden (and therefore, potentially exciting).
    83% I 70% N 64% T 73% P | 5w4 sp/so/sx | Chaotic Good

  3. #13
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trentham View Post
    Yep, and once I figured this out it improved my understanding of where she was coming from immensely. It even (slightly) helped with the annoyance factor the 27th time she pulled out that 10-minute monologue on how she and her brother got lost at the zoo when she was 4 years old.
    Oh wow, that's kind of funny She probably just cited that because she learned something very important to her then and so related that experience to others.

    Not that that makes the task of having to hear about this story over and over and over again any easier to bear


    Quote Originally Posted by Trentham View Post
    LOL...don't get me started on her various hair dramas. As to the desire for predictability, I found it very odd that she didn't like (good) surprises. I surprised her with a weekend getaway once and while she went along with it, she acted slightly annoyed that she had to put off her plans to spend the weekend...cleaning the house (???).
    HA! When my ex first got me to change my hair style, I griped and complained about continuously until she told me I was starting to make her feel like shit because I was whining about it so much. I realized I was being an ass and apologized for it.

    Years later, I actually like it now, I think I look good with it

    As for the suprise, I do like surprises...but I also don't like it if I've got my whole weekend planned out and someone disrupts it. I'm convinced that ISFJs have some OCD-like behaviors in that if we can't complete our routines, we get very agitated and anxious.

    For what it's worth, you did nothing wrong. We ISFJs just need to lighten up


    Quote Originally Posted by Trentham View Post
    Could be. I do think that ISFJs can be drawn into that sort of relationship because they view so many things as mysterious or forbidden (and therefore, potentially exciting).
    YES! I had this exactly discussion with Pettycure & Whatever many months or so ago. As neurotic or idiotic as this may sound, I like being around ESxPs because their brazenness gives me permission to cut loose, if that makes any sense at all. It's like I'm so bound to being...well...me, that I need someone else to go places I might not normally go.

    That isn't to say I wouldn't normally eventually break out and do something different...only that I'm very very SLOW to do that, and it's nice to be around someone who isn't willing to wait for me

    I sincerely hope that all made sense, I feel like it's the ramblings of someone with a serious mental issue, heh
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  4. #14
    Senior Member Trentham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    Years later, I actually like it now, I think I look good with it
    Exactly! You guys can be very stubborn with anything involving change. But then once you convince yourselves that you're comfortable with the change, you're capable of doing a complete 180.

    I'm convinced that ISFJs have some OCD-like behaviors in that if we can't complete our routines, we get very agitated and anxious.
    Very true. It never did me well to get in between ISFJ and her almighty plans.

    As neurotic or idiotic as this may sound

    if that makes any sense at all

    I sincerely hope that all made sense, I feel like it's the ramblings of someone with a serious mental issue, heh
    These remind me of another...ahem, "quirk" about ISFJs - qualifying yourself in an almost apologetic tone, as if your (well-reasoned, very sensible and relevant) opinions are silly or don't matter. Yes...very familiar with this.

    I like being around ESxPs because their brazenness gives me permission to cut loose, if that makes any sense at all. It's like I'm so bound to being...well...me, that I need someone else to go places I might not normally go.
    83% I 70% N 64% T 73% P | 5w4 sp/so/sx | Chaotic Good

  5. #15
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trentham View Post
    Exactly! You guys can be very stubborn with anything involving change. But then once you convince yourselves that you're comfortable with the change, you're capable of doing a complete 180.
    Yes we can be, and very quickly too. I can go from being volcanically angry with someone to feeling incredibly guilty in a heartbeat if I realize that I'm in the wrong


    Quote Originally Posted by Trentham View Post
    Very true. It never did me well to get in between ISFJ and her almighty plans.
    Hehe


    Quote Originally Posted by Trentham View Post
    These remind me of another...ahem, "quirk" about ISFJs - qualifying yourself in an almost apologetic tone, as if your (well-reasoned, very sensible and relevant) opinions are silly or don't matter. Yes...very familiar with this.
    Ah ha...erm...yes.... Our somewhat (in)famous inability to assert ourselves, even when we're in the right. Some find it endearing, other's annoying.

    For my part, it's something I'm working on
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  6. #16
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    If you're anything like ISTJs, who also get the boring reputation.... In a situation where they/we don't know everyone around us we can probably be perceived as boring. Get us out of our shell and we're funny.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  7. #17
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trentham View Post
    That said, I was married to an ISFJ for three years and yes, by the end of our relationship I did find her to be boring.

    [list][*]She had a tendency to relate the same stories of her past to me over, and over, and over, without regard to how many times I'd already heard them. It got to a point where I could accurately predict which story she was about to tell, based on the situation at hand.
    Hahaha. I do this quite often... Repeating a story over and over again. =.=
    Not entirely sure what the psychology behind such behaviour is, then again perhaps we just like re-hashing our memories to ourselves when reminded of them.

    Do other types not do this? Perhaps not to the same level of degree I suppose. My ISFP partner doesn't tend to store favourite past memories as much as I do. =/

  8. #18
    Senior Member Trentham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    Hahaha. I do this quite often... Repeating a story over and over again. =.=
    Not entirely sure what the psychology behind such behaviour is, then again perhaps we just like re-hashing our memories to ourselves when reminded of them.
    ISFJs and ISTJs (both of which lead with Introverted Sensing) tend to have fantastic powers of recall, an ability which is constantly being reinforced by the continual recollection and retelling of past events, detail-for-detail. The story of an ISFJ's life is never best told in general terms. Rather, it's a series of dozens of specific vignettes that not only relate the events of the past, but also shape the ISFJ's outlook and decision-making processes for the present. It's also the foremost way ISFJ relates to others on a personal level.

    In a way I do envy that sharpness of memory. Details of even life-altering events seem to fade away quickly from my ability to consciously recall.
    83% I 70% N 64% T 73% P | 5w4 sp/so/sx | Chaotic Good

  9. #19
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trentham View Post
    ISFJs and ISTJs (both of which lead with Introverted Sensing) tend to have fantastic powers of recall, an ability which is constantly being reinforced by the continual recollection and retelling of past events, detail-for-detail. The story of an ISFJ's life is never best told in general terms. Rather, it's a series of dozens of specific vignettes that not only relate the events of the past, but also shape the ISFJ's outlook and decision-making processes for the present. It's also the foremost way ISFJ relates to others on a personal level.

    In a way I do envy that sharpness of memory. Details of even life-altering events seem to fade away quickly from my ability to consciously recall.
    This is pretty true. I suppose it explains why I feel disconnected from other individual when I ask them of their experiences and they can't recall any specific experiences of their own that they can share in the level of depth. I do know that when I'm sharing my past with another individual, what I'm essentially conveying is "This is who I am, and how I became who I am" - what about you? What is your past?

    It can be a little hard to accept that not everyone stores past experiences in the way I do, especially if it was a moment triggering some form of insight/emotion/understanding. Part of me feels that if it really was that important, wouldn't you want to keep that memory at heart?

    But Yeah. Got to do something about repeating information over and over again... =.=

  10. #20
    Senior Member Trentham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    Part of me feels that if it really was that important, wouldn't you want to keep that memory at heart?
    Herein lies the difference, at least from an INTP's perspective. My mind prefers to flush details that it considers irrelevant to any given experience. Instead, I tend to formulate a thought pattern I can integrate into my knowledge base, or a general emotional state gleaned from the experience. So rather than a detailed, frame-by-frame replay (as in watching a video recording), my memories tend to be applied on a conceptual level to my mental and emotional framework. Some images are retained, but recalling a particular distant memory is more like looking at a (partially complete) scrapbook than watching a video.

    Conversely, ISFJs (actually most Sensors, I'd wager) consider the detail of a memory to be vitally important. They want to take a mental picture and retain the entirety of it for direct future reference. Obviously one of the better ways to maintain and reinforce these highly detailed collections of mental imagery is to talk about them. A lot.
    83% I 70% N 64% T 73% P | 5w4 sp/so/sx | Chaotic Good

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