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  1. #1
    Member amazingdatagirl's Avatar
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    Default male ISFJ and apologies

    My husband is an ISFJ - scoutmaster, sunday school teacher, state employee, Republican. Will tolerate groups but prefers one-on-one interactions.

    I am confused by profiles of ISFJs that describe them as being apologetic. My husband never apologizes for anything. He tends to blame others for personal failures.

    I am open to possibility that I may have mistyped him.

  2. #2
    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amazingdatagirl View Post
    My husband is an ISFJ - scoutmaster, sunday school teacher, state employee, Republican. Will tolerate groups but prefers one-on-one interactions.

    I am confused by profiles of ISFJs that describe them as being apologetic. My husband never apologizes for anything. He tends to blame others for personal failures.

    I am open to possibility that I may have mistyped him.
    I don't know of an ISFJ that apologizes either. And most of the ones I know do tend to blame others for things but I think they secretly know deep down inside what the truth is because they are very insightful.

    Your husband definitely sounds SJ to me.
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  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by KarenParker View Post
    I don't know of an ISFJ that apologizes either. And most of the ones I know do tend to blame others for things but I think they secretly know deep down inside what the truth is because they are very insightful.
    yes! well atleast for me. if there is a situation where i am to blame then i usually know i am at fault. I get very introspective and will think about the situation for a long time and most people will not even know it. i think isfjs actually blame themselves for more than they actually should even if we never show it....or could just be me lol

  4. #4
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amazingdatagirl View Post
    My husband is an ISFJ - scoutmaster, sunday school teacher, state employee, Republican. Will tolerate groups but prefers one-on-one interactions.

    I am confused by profiles of ISFJs that describe them as being apologetic. My husband never apologizes for anything. He tends to blame others for personal failures.

    I am open to possibility that I may have mistyped him.
    To me that just suggest that he has a high level of self-esteem.

    Granted, it's totally possible that he's some sort of enneagram 1 ISFJ as they tend to believe what they are doing is the truth, in a crusader sort of way. So people will be the one at fault instead if they don't follow what he believes would have been a better method.

    Alternatively it could be that he's perfectly healthy, accept that he has his own flaws but believes in the concept that everyone is responsible for their own actions. I mean as long as he's not shifting personal blame onto external factors like "Oh that person was in the wrong first" then it's all okay.

  5. #5
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    I think XSFJs are quick to blame others initially but upon reflection and sometimes when they allow themselves to honestly hear others thy will see how they may have contributed to the problem.

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    Senior Member tkae.'s Avatar
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    My mom (ESFJ) will blame herself when she's stressed, but she never apologizes for it. I never noticed how weird that sounds :blushing:

    If anything, she blames others more because her logic is, "Since I always do the best job I can possibly do, there's nothing I can be blamed for, and anyone trying to blame me for something is actually to blame themselves because the time they're taking to blame me could be better spent doing their own job better."

    Usually the logic is sound... I can't actually think of a time when she wasn't right. Or if she's wrong, she'll admit it.

    She doesn't apologize though
    "Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away." -Ekaku Hakuin
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    I think XSFJs are quick to blame others initially but upon reflection and sometimes when they allow themselves to honestly hear others thy will see how they may have contributed to the problem.
    i agree with this

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    I know two SFJ males who are like this...the ESFJ has to be crying desperately into his pillow to apologize, and the ISFJ ...well, he says things that he seems to think pass for apologies, but they're not apologies. The ISFJ in particular seems quite fond of blaming others for his many problems.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by tkae. View Post
    My mom (ESFJ) will blame herself when she's stressed, but she never apologizes for it. I never noticed how weird that sounds :blushing:
    I am quite familiar with this phenomenon in my ESFJ ex. It's not weird at all.

    "I'm a XXX person. I did XYZ. I even told my mom, she doesn't realize how I XXXX. I'm such a XXX."

    But to actually say THE WORDS "I am sorry"??? That's a big event that generally involves having to also tolerate his nervous breakdown.

  10. #10
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I know two SFJ males who are like this...the ESFJ has to be crying desperately into his pillow to apologize, and the ISFJ ...well, he says things that he seems to think pass for apologies, but they're not apologies. The ISFJ in particular seems quite fond of blaming others for his many problems.
    ISFJ friend is doing work on my house. He messes up- nothing big, but what happened was not good. He didn't 'apologize' but went on this tirade about how hard it was to work on my house because it's older and isn't built to the standards of the newer stuff so he had to go at it differently, blah blah blah.

    I told him that doesn't excuse his error. He did the same thing to a mutual friend, and the friend's wife got someone else to finish the job. The ISFJ was mad that this new contractor got to finish off what he started. The friend and his wife offered to compensate him by paying towards a trip that a group of us were going to take. ISFJ refuses. Complains to me later that they didn't pay him, but neglects to tell me that they offered to pay his way for the trip. Makes no sense.

    Understanding MBTI I was able to show him how he likes to shoot down other people's work and point out their flaws but when he messes up he's ready to jump into traffic, and how that relates to his self perception. It sunk in to an extent.

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