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  1. #11
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    My experience tells me that they're quick to apologize for minor mistakes; however, whenever the mistake is potentially large, they're not likely to apologize. One way to make them do it is by getting extremely angry, however it's not something I'd suggest doing, rather something which might be a consequence of their behavior. My impression is that they're usually trying not to think about their mistake, because they'd feel terribly guilty about it. Another option would then be to let them know how you're ready to forgive them, although it does require a high level of even-kneeled-ness.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  2. #12
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    Some can actually be pretty irrational and verbally abusive, in my experience.

    This is the opposite of the stereotype, but there it is.

    Of course, when they tell you you're a whore who should burn in hell and deserves everything you get, they'll make sure to try to convince you that you've done something horrible to them to justify the behavior. They just don't feel right saying such things unless they can make themselves appear victimized, even if the victimization is completely imaginary.

  3. #13
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amazingdatagirl View Post
    My husband is an ISFJ - scoutmaster, sunday school teacher, state employee, Republican. Will tolerate groups but prefers one-on-one interactions.

    I am confused by profiles of ISFJs that describe them as being apologetic. My husband never apologizes for anything. He tends to blame others for personal failures.

    I am open to possibility that I may have mistyped him.
    MBTi doesn't account for accountability (see what I did there). Come to think of it, I don't know of any SFJs that are very apologetic. Male or female. My mother, who is ESFJ, tends to blame others and act the martyr when things go wrong, then turns around and says she hates when she gets blamed for things. My friend's ISFJ father wasn't apologetic at all. In fact, I would have sworn he was an ISTJ because he isn't a softy at all (he was in the military, and was also a scoutmaster, like your husband). Perhaps it is because SJ's tend to be more stubborn and headstrong in their convictions and ideas. This is sometimes a positive trait but I don't think it lends itself to accountability.

    I dated an ISFJ, it became apparent that she is prone to blame others for mistakes done to her but not so much the other way around. Is this an Fe-Ti reaction to what happens when mistakes are made? I've noticed they are apt to be impatient and point out things that are wrong externally, generally people or relationship related.

    btw, I don't want to make SFJ's look like assholes, but this is an issue I've noticed in all that come to my mind.

  4. #14
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snuggletron View Post
    I dated an ISFJ, it became apparent that she is prone to blame others for mistakes done to her but not so much the other way around. Is this an Si-Fe reaction to what happens when mistakes are made?

    btw, I don't want to make SFJ's look like assholes, but this is an issue I've noticed in all that come to my mind.
    Really you just have to be blunt / assholish when they do that. Perhaps they will end up crying but they will slowly stop their behavior. You can think of it like a "training".

    It's generally better to just leave someone that has such big character flaws, though, IME (unless you're married of course)
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  5. #15
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I take blame.

  6. #16
    Member amazingdatagirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I take blame.
    Had not looked at this thread in a while - did not intend for it to turn into SJ bashing.

    I have a lot of admiration for the SJs in my life - my husband has grounded me and helped me to be less narcissistic. Thanks to him, bills are paid, the house and yard are reasonably tidy, and both kids made it to adulthood.

    OTOH, nobody is perfect.

  7. #17
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    No worries, I didn't take it as an SJ bashing thread. You seem sincerely frustrated and looking for help. I still think that most ISFJs will be apologetic. The only time I wouldnt is if I think the other person is not taking other people (including me) into consideration, then I wouldn't see the need to apologize.



    PS - is that you in your avatar?
    Likes cheapsunglasses liked this post

  8. #18
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    I have an ISFJ friend, and he apologizes all the time, especially for minor things. I don't know about major things, though, but he seems to be ready to take the blame for the sake of harmony in the group.
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  9. #19
    Member bronte27's Avatar
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    Wow there's some definite SFJ hating going on here. Hey, not all of us are bad people, I promise! Anyhow, I tend to apologize for most everything. I've even had people get mad at me about it and tell me it's not my fault and I need to stop trying to put all the blame on myself. But it's very possible that's just me as a person rather than part of the ISFJ type. I'm definitely the type who's going to get told "stop saying you're sorry" only to have me blurt out "sorry" in response. But hey, everyone's different.
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  10. #20
    Member Unionruler's Avatar
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    Some days I apologize and some days I don't. I can turn defensive easily. In a relationship situation I usually don't because I already give people so much care that I expect them to kinda be responsible as a friend or SO before criticizing me; that's usually if they don't bother with wording whatever what they want to say gently in acknowledgement of my feelings.

    The really sad part is that I apologize for stuff that is not my fault in relationship situations. Especially when I get ignored, or I feel really uncared for but just want to salvage the relationship. I feel so sick when I get rejected anyway, as you can tell I'm not a very healthy ISFJ.

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