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[ISFJ] How can i change people's perception of me? (I am ISFJ)

gracefully

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People always describe me as "nice, sweet, cute"

If could be an animal, my friends would always liken me to a lamb or a doe.

I always get perceived to be younger. I am in my early twenties, and many people have told me I look sixteen

The one that I dislike the most is that some would go far as to say that I look vulnerable or afraid (even though I do not feel that way, well sometimes anyway)

I have actually tried to change this perception of me because I want to be perceived as a strong, confident woman, and not a passive fearful woman. Sometimes at work I feel like I am not being treated seriously because of this image that I have. I tried changing my body language--talking more loudly, dressing older, making eye contact, etc.

No matter what I do it doesn't seem to work. What can I do?
 

Amethyst

¡MI TORTA!
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You sound like an ISFJ friend of mine...I always call her cute lol. But I like her the way she is, for the most part...she could be a little less dull, though...but that's not the point.

Just be yourself, be proud of yourself, and be confident in whatever decisions you make and whatever you decide to do. Tell people, 'Yeah, maybe I want to be sweet, you got a problem with that?'

They might think differently of you being sweet at that point, however. :D
 

Giggly

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I think this image is something that is unchangeable, unless you're willing to get yourself into trouble to change it. I know because I have it too.

It has it's pluses and minuses, just like everything else.
 

Jaguar

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The next time someone calls you cute, flip up your middle finger and smile. :wink:
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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Really, the best way is to find a character on television who embodies the traits you want and to copy them. Watch two or more episodes a day for the next 4 weeks. (Download, rent, whatever.) You'll start to absorb their traits naturally within a couple weeks. If, on top of that, you make a conscious effort to mimic them, you'll absorb even more. You'll learn how to be a little more edgy, to pick fights, and to stand your ground, and you'll start seeing YOURSELF differently. As soon as that happens, people's perception of you will fall in line. If it not, you'll correct them, naturally.

Any ideas for some TV shows?

and by adding a little more effort, you
 

Edgar

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People always describe me as "nice, sweet, cute"

If could be an animal, my friends would always liken me to a lamb or a doe.

I always get perceived to be younger. I am in my early twenties, and many people have told me I look sixteen

The one that I dislike the most is that some would go far as to say that I look vulnerable or afraid (even though I do not feel that way, well sometimes anyway)

I have actually tried to change this perception of me because I want to be perceived as a strong, confident woman, and not a passive fearful woman. Sometimes at work I feel like I am not being treated seriously because of this image that I have. I tried changing my body language--talking more loudly, dressing older, making eye contact, etc.

No matter what I do it doesn't seem to work. What can I do?


Wearing a g-string makes you feel "grown up".

That's my advice for the day.
 

Fidelia

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Maybe House would be a good role model.
 

Gerbah

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No matter what I do it doesn't seem to work. What can I do?

I have a similar problem. I am 30 and got IDed trying to buy a 16-rated video game.

I find that having such an image (on top of being an introvert) is more problematic with very dominant types, it's like I trigger their domination inclination because they don't act the same with physically bigger people or more extraverted people. Or with others, they assume I'm simple and not very smart and are patronising to me.

I find there's not much you can do in the sense of changing the image. You can work the quietness though. What I find can work is to change their opinion over time, if there is time, through natural observation and interaction with you. Or you play it low-key and let them get comfortable with looking down on you and then suddenly play a trump card so they are shocked, but not as if you did it for their benefit, like, you just suddenly let them see something and they are caught off guard and then act more carefully. Or be really calm and tolerant and observant, letting them get comfortable, until they suddenly feel the observation and start to wonder if something more is going on and that maybe they should actually try to be nicer to you. The indirect way doesn't work with really dominant types though who think they can take advantage of you. Then you just have to stand up for yourself and promptly cut off anything inappropriate.
 

skylights

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i am doomed to be "cute" too. and carded. lol. i always feel like i have to prove myself to others. i guess though we have some advantages, don't we? it's gonna be great for the rest of our lives to be seen as younger than we are. being "cute" means people generally like us and trust us. they see us as kind, which is a good thing in a lot of situations.

other than that i am looking forward to more tips from others. :yes:
 

Craft

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Being ISFJ, shouldn't you have that natural tendency to appear strong and confident? My ISFJ sister is pretty scary and dominant. She's adjustable too though so it makes her a bit paradoxical.

Still, I'd say just strengthen some parts of your already "aggressive" nature.

Unless.....*gasp*...your not an ISFJ!! ...would you like some p-ea?
 

rav3n

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Don't be afraid to speak up at work and if it comes to it, disagree. Drop your tonal quality a few notches. Don't say cutesy things. Don't dress in a cute way. And most of all, no giggling...plse.
 

Gerbah

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i am doomed to be "cute" too. and carded. lol. i always feel like i have to prove myself to others. i guess though we have some advantages, don't we? it's gonna be great for the rest of our lives to be seen as younger than we are. being "cute" means people generally like us and trust us. they see us as kind, which is a good thing in a lot of situations.

other than that i am looking forward to more tips from others. :yes:

Yes, it can have advantages. People are very willing to help the cute. I've gotten stuff for free lots of times. Especially free food. Like, I buy something and they offer me a free croissant with it. Or I want to buy a certain sandwich but for some reason I can't have it so I choose another one and they say have it for free because it's not the one I originally wanted, lol.
 

gromit

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I can relate, gracefully. I don't really know exactly if I have any great advice though. People have thought I'm up to ten years younger than I am (I'm 26...ugh).

Do you feel confident in yourself, gracefully? That is something huge I'm working on. I don't know if it will help with people's perceptions of me or not (but I think it does), but, in general, feeling confident in myself will help those perceptions not to matter so much to me.
 

Habba

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Being ISFJ, shouldn't you have that natural tendency to appear strong and confident? My ISFJ sister is pretty scary and dominant. She's adjustable too though so it makes her a bit paradoxical.

No, that's ESFJ, most likely.

I think it's an ISFJ trait to be considered as "mostly harmless".

I think the main source for that trait is ISFJ's tendencies to uphold the harmony at the expense of oneself.

I know few ISFJs very closely, and I've noticed that each one of them is completely and utterly incapable of saying: "No."

They are more inclaned to try to redirect the conversation in such a way that their opinions won't be decisive or against the majority. They especially won't go against people close to them.

Try cooking an ISFJ a dinner, and ask his or her opinion of it. No matter how terrible a cook you are, they are never going to say "That was an awful dinner. You shouldn't be cooking". Instead, they'll appreciate the effort and thought behind the deed.

So whatever you do to them, they'll just smile and say "Thank you". Well, not always, but you get the point. :)

So if you want to get rid of your "mostly harmless"-tag, this is what I think you should be doing:

-Become more objective, rather than subjective. Giving negative feedback is actually more useful than only giving positive feedback. Giving only positive feedback rarely leads to concrete improvements. It sure gives a morale boost, but it can also contribute to delusions of grandeur. Hence one should consider using a "hamburger"-model. That is... first give positive feedback, then negative feedback, and then again more positive feedback. This way you can actually deliver critique without seeming like an a-hole.

-Know your rights. It's not selfish to stand up for yourself. For example, should someone jump in line just in front of you, don't think "We'll, they sure are some rude people... they'll get what's coming for them sooner or later". Well, the truth is... they'll get that, and much more. Laws of karma is not really a real thing, so don't count on it. Make sure you get what's yours, and that no one else is taking it. So... the next time someone tries to jump in line, raise a hell and make it damn clear that you are not tolerating this at all. Don't be afraid of making a scene, when you should be making a scene.

-Voice your opinions, and expect others to do so as well! There's no such thing as "normal". Don't be so worried about that people will find out that you are not normal, because no one is normal! We are not the same, and each one of us has their own way of living. Don't expect people to know what should be, because their view of "what should be" is most likely very different from your view of "what should be". I've come across quite a many times when ISFJs are frustrated by other people who do not know how to behave themselves. However, almost never these ISFJs choose to act because they think that everyone knows how to behave, and that people behaving badly are just evil from inside. In reality, those people just are not aware that they are insulting you with their behavior. So... make sure you raise your opinions, and make sure you also take into account other people's differing opinions. They are not there out to get you for your "weird" opinions, they just have a different perspective of what's normal to them.

Well... that turned out to be a rant. :D

Short summary: Acknowledge that you are worth other people's time and attention. Acknowledge also that people don't read your mind and don't always know you are being offended. You have to say that out loud. People are being treated just the way they accept to be treated.
 

Habba

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Really, the best way is to find a character on television who embodies the traits you want and to copy them. Watch two or more episodes a day for the next 4 weeks. (Download, rent, whatever.) You'll start to absorb their traits naturally within a couple weeks. If, on top of that, you make a conscious effort to mimic them, you'll absorb even more. You'll learn how to be a little more edgy, to pick fights, and to stand your ground, and you'll start seeing YOURSELF differently. As soon as that happens, people's perception of you will fall in line. If it not, you'll correct them, naturally.

I think this is a horrid piece of advice. Rather than acknowledging yourself, you are advicing to mimic someone else's personality. I think that's the quickest way to be a fake.

However, there's point in watching how people behave, to make conclusion how different traits in personality work.
 

skylights

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Rather than acknowledging yourself, you are advicing to mimic someone else's personality. I think that's the quickest way to be a fake.

However, there's point in watching how people behave, to make conclusion how different traits in personality work.

well, and i think there is a big difference between having a role model and attempting to mimic their good qualities in your own way versus attempting to become that person.

anyone can be more decisive or persuasive, for example, and watching someone else do it in a controlled environment like watching TV can help you see how it's done without needing to worry about real-time things. the key, of course, will be in learning which decisions to make or what to persuade people about. and that is an individual thing.

Hence one should consider using a "hamburger"-model. That is... first give positive feedback, then negative feedback, and then again more positive feedback. This way you can actually deliver critique without seeming like an a-hole.

:yes:

i love this method. we used it in one of my student groups when we were talking about officer candidates. you say something great about the person, then you voice a concern, then you end with something great again. it really softens things, and it helps those of us who are not so naturally great at criticizing to voice our opinions.

though, habba, some of the things you are addressing seem more appealing to someone with Fi than Fe.

what i mean is that my mom is an ESFJ, and about the standing in line thing - i think what upsets her is not so much necessarily that she got fronted, but that it's not that person's turn in the order of things. like you were saying, many SFJs see themselves as less important in the face of global harmony (which is something the rest of us could perhaps learn from), and my mom will speak up for the sake of the group. personally, i will rant and rave about the ethical unfairness of it on a personal level, whereas she sees it on a society level. and for her, that's the key to speaking up - that she takes care of the greater group. and it's great that she does!

so we both reach that same point of being vocal to protect rights, she just sees it from a group perspective while i see it from an individual one, and perhaps gracefully, as an SFJ, would better prefer to see it from the group perspective as well. though perhaps not! :)
 

swordpath

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Really, the best way is to find a character on television who embodies the traits you want and to copy them. Watch two or more episodes a day for the next 4 weeks. (Download, rent, whatever.) You'll start to absorb their traits naturally within a couple weeks. If, on top of that, you make a conscious effort to mimic them, you'll absorb even more. You'll learn how to be a little more edgy, to pick fights, and to stand your ground, and you'll start seeing YOURSELF differently. As soon as that happens, people's perception of you will fall in line. If it not, you'll correct them, naturally.

Any ideas for some TV shows?

and by adding a little more effort, you
How ThatsWhatHeSaid became David Schwimmer.
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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I think this is a horrid piece of advice. Rather than acknowledging yourself, you are advicing to mimic someone else's personality. I think that's the quickest way to be a fake.

However, there's point in watching how people behave, to make conclusion how different traits in personality work.

I'll tell you why it's actually great advice.

Some people have no conception of what it takes to be strong. Other times, they don't have the guts to act that way. And when you play games with them, giving them all sorts of instructions for introspection or asking them to summon inner strength, they can easily get lost in their head, wondering who they are, whether they're doing it right, etc.

Mimicking is a great way to push yourself into new psychological territory. The point isn't that she surrender who she is completely. The point is that she see that she has those skills, and can then drop the persona altogether (or internalize it).

Buddhists have similar practices with tantras. It's very useful.
 

Synapse

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You can't change peoples perception of your_self but you can change the perception of YOU!
 
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