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  1. #1
    Junior Member flossyglam's Avatar
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    Default ISFJ? teen, advice please!

    While I am technically his older sister, my ISFJ brother and I have more of a parent/child dynamic (our mother being virtually absent and a span of 10 years between us). He is now entering high school and I am at a loss as to how to consistently motivate him.

    I typed him quickly based on the "Quick Guide to Typing..." sticky, so please offer additional suggestions if I seem wrong.

    He is a very sweet natured, soft-hearted kid that seems to always complain that he doesn't get enough notice/credit/recognition from authority figures (particularly our INTP father who is kind but aloof). He seems to need constant hand-holding and praise to get even basic things done (simple chores, turning in homework, etc).

    He is very peer-motivated, non-competitive, and group oriented in a way that boggles my mind because I can't recall craving a similar amount of need for group approval even in high school. While he loves being the center of attention, he is slow to take initiative and quick to shun responsibility (very unlike myself and my sister). He is quite helpful when he feels like he is constantly interacting and contributing with a person or group, but completely incompetent when you give him a set of directions with expectations that he complete the task without supervision/alone.

    Additionally, he seems to be irrationally sensitive at times. He will draw conclusions like "My teacher doesn't like me because she told me I need to turn in my homework." or "Dad doesn't love me because he didn't notice that I took out the trash." He struggled until recently with the concept that a direct request doesn't mean the person is angry or upset with him.

    If I were to type him in Harry Potter terms, he is very Hufflepuff (minus the work ethic--where did that go??).

    My concerns are how can I motivate him to act independently? How can I help him develop leadership? How can I communicate with him more effectively? How can I encourage him without giving "false praise"?

    I would love input from anyone, particularly other ISFJs (help me understand your personality!) and parents/mentors of ISFJs.

  2. #2
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Default

    Is it possible your brother is ISFP? I ask because some of the things you pointed out such as trouble getting chores done or weak work ethic sounds like a perceiving type with weakly developed judging.
    INtp
    5w6 or 9w1 sp/so/sx, I think
    Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff
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  3. #3
    Junior Member flossyglam's Avatar
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    Default

    It is very possible. I had trouble deciding between the two for him. What are some points of difference between the two that can help me decide (I'm pretty new at this)?

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