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Thread: ESFJ hates me

  1. #1
    Member amazingdatagirl's Avatar
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    Default ESFJ hates me

    Background: I am a systems analyst in a small company. Most days, I shut myself in my office (a converted closet) and work on software projects all day long. Seriously, I can go a whole week without saying more than a few words to my co-workers.

    One of the bookkeepers has decided that she dislikes me. She is strong ESFJ (family pictures and cute sayings all over her desk, feelings easily hurt). This lady also has a history of conflict with other staff members. She seems to target her animosity towards one person for a while then they make up and are best buddies.

    Apparently, I am "the one" right now. If I ignore her, will she give up after a while?

  2. #2
    DoubleplusUngoodNonperson
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    Ignore her? no way, that'll just piss her off even more and make you seem arrogant/uncaring in her eyes, validating her emotions. I think the thing to do with Fe-doms that are pissed at you is to "kill em with kindness" and politeness. Don't let her steamroll you, but be diplomatic and honest.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Wow... I wonder what type you would think I was... I have no family pictures on my desk at all or on my PC as the background or screen saver... And zero cute sayings anywhere on my desk...or anywhere else in my life.

    And I rather dislike conflict. Most of the time if I'm not happy with someone I keep it to myself and eventually just get over it. Oh yeah, and it takes a lot to upset me, hurt my feelings, or tick me off. So either, she's an unhealthy ESFJ or not one at all.

    Although... for me... if I'm not happy with someone it is best that they leave me alone for aday or so and I'll just get over it myself and be fine...

    PS... when you say ignore her... Are you saying she's actually coming at you and personally attacking you? If she is... Sheesh, she has some issues.


  4. #4
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amazingdatagirl View Post
    Background: I am a systems analyst in a small company. Most days, I shut myself in my office (a converted closet) and work on software projects all day long. Seriously, I can go a whole week without saying more than a few words to my co-workers.

    One of the bookkeepers has decided that she dislikes me. She is strong ESFJ (family pictures and cute sayings all over her desk, feelings easily hurt). This lady also has a history of conflict with other staff members. She seems to target her animosity towards one person for a while then they make up and are best buddies.

    Apparently, I am "the one" right now. If I ignore her, will she give up after a while?
    What, if any interactions or contact have you had with her? When and why do you two cross paths?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  5. #5
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amazingdatagirl View Post
    Background: I am a systems analyst in a small company. Most days, I shut myself in my office (a converted closet) and work on software projects all day long. Seriously, I can go a whole week without saying more than a few words to my co-workers.

    One of the bookkeepers has decided that she dislikes me. She is strong ESFJ (family pictures and cute sayings all over her desk, feelings easily hurt). This lady also has a history of conflict with other staff members. She seems to target her animosity towards one person for a while then they make up and are best buddies.

    Apparently, I am "the one" right now. If I ignore her, will she give up after a while?
    sounds more immature than myself, I don't know what you should do my first inclination would be to bitch slap her. but than you'd get fired, so don't do that.

  6. #6
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Note to self- anyone who gets offended easily, values family and cute things is an ESFJ.

    Why do you care? Just ignore her, she has nothing to do with you really. Just do your job and don't let yourself be targeted.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  7. #7
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Too late for that.

    Funny that this thread comes mere days after this post:
    Quote Originally Posted by INA View Post
    I would think difficulties exist whether or not you care about people's perception of you. They (we) still have to live among people after all. There are those who take real action when they are displeased with attitudes different from their own, even more so when part of that attitude is lack of concern for their opinions.
    . She seems to target her animosity towards one person for a while then they make up and are best buddies.
    I wonder what happens to her targets who don't become best buddies with her.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  8. #8
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    I don't think that it's too late to be honest. If they just actively ignored them, politely asked them to leave them alone when this "ESFJ" does something etc then it should be fine... And if not then they could always tell their supervisor that one of their employees is hindering their ability to work because of constant harassment.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  9. #9
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    It's too late as in she's already been targeted. Ignoring her is one way to manage being targeted. It makes sense not to engage her, but she should watch her back to some extent and not ignore everything the woman gets up to that has to with her. It would help to have their interactions well documented and known to other coworkers. And it certainly helps that the woman already has a reputation for pot-stirring like this.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  10. #10
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Well I meant not too late to fix it, I agree with the fact that it's too late to avoid it. But yeah. Just gotta take some action to get her to leave you alone.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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