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Thread: ESFJ hates me

  1. #21
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    It's so ironic that in some threads you see where people talk about how far ESFJs will go to avoid conflict, and then this one has an ESFJ that was involved in a screaming incident. Sheesh, what are we bipolar!?


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    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amazingdatagirl View Post
    Background: I am a systems analyst in a small company. Most days, I shut myself in my office (a converted closet) and work on software projects all day long. Seriously, I can go a whole week without saying more than a few words to my co-workers.

    One of the bookkeepers has decided that she dislikes me. She is strong ESFJ (family pictures and cute sayings all over her desk, feelings easily hurt). This lady also has a history of conflict with other staff members. She seems to target her animosity towards one person for a while then they make up and are best buddies.

    Apparently, I am "the one" right now. If I ignore her, will she give up after a while?
    Quote Originally Posted by nozflubber View Post
    Ignore her? no way, that'll just piss her off even more and make you seem arrogant/uncaring in her eyes, validating her emotions. I think the thing to do with Fe-doms that are pissed at you is to "kill em with kindness" and politeness. Don't let her steamroll you, but be diplomatic and honest.
    I'm sorry to say, ignoring them DOES NOT WORK. That's like ignoring a forest fire on a hot windy day. And ESFJs are full of hot air.

    Be fake polite...otherwise, they'll dwell on the smallest detail or lapse in niceties/small talk. My mother's an ESFJ manager and even if people are being polite, if they're not chatty and emotional like she is, she obsesses over it and takes it personally. (And she's HUGE on personal pictures of her little dogs dressed in sundresses, soppy home-is-where-the-heart is quotes, etc.)

    However, before I can give you any specific advice, you need to clarify how she's causing problems. The details matter. Especially to ESFJs.
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  3. #23
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kymbirleigh View Post
    It's so ironic that in some threads you see where people talk about how far ESFJs will go to avoid conflict, and then this one has an ESFJ that was involved in a screaming incident. Sheesh, what are we bipolar!?
    you noticed that too? lol Lambchop (an ISFJ who used to post) pointed that out too. She said ISFJ's are pegged as doormats on one hand and overbearing and controlling on the other. But isn't it impossible to be both????? Make up your mind folks!

    It was that point that I realized that SJ's are just the dumping ground for any bad behaviors people see. That and the fact that other types act the same exact way (or even sometimes more exaggerated versions) but people just ignore that.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    you noticed that too? lol Lambchop (an ISFJ who used to post) pointed that out too. She said ISFJ's are pegged as doormats on one hand and overbearing and controlling on the other. But isn't it impossible to be both????? Make up your mind folks!
    Well i don't know, maybe it's impossible to be both at once but sometimes when unhealthy people show their dark side it can be negative and sometimes the complete opposite of their otherwise healthy selves. That and it's not always the same people being brought up all the time anyway.
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  5. #25
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    I'm sorry to say, ignoring them DOES NOT WORK. That's like ignoring a forest fire on a hot windy day. And ESFJs are full of hot air.

    Be fake polite...otherwise, they'll dwell on the smallest detail or lapse in niceties/small talk. My mother's an ESFJ manager and even if people are being polite, if they're not chatty and emotional like she is, she obsesses over it and takes it personally. (And she's HUGE on personal pictures of her little dogs dressed in sundresses, soppy home-is-where-the-heart is quotes, etc.)

    However, before I can give you any specific advice, you need to clarify how she's causing problems. The details matter. Especially to ESFJs.
    As an ESFJ if someone ignores me, I move on with my life. What's the point in wasting energy on someone that obviously doesn't care?

    Kind of funny how two ESFJ's here have now said that we have zero personal items or sappy quotes around our desk.... And yet people are still insisting that it's a sure sign to spot an ESFJ. Two people can be the same personality type and appear very different.


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    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kymbirleigh View Post
    As an ESFJ if someone ignores me, I move on with my life. What's the point in wasting energy on someone that obviously doesn't care?
    hah! My mother always says that but never actually does it. (Not saying that's the case with you.)

    Kind of funny how two ESFJ's here have now said that we have zero personal items or sappy quotes around our desk.... And yet people are still insisting that it's a sure sign to spot an ESFJ. Two people can be the same personality type and appear very different.
    Well there are a few possibilities.

    1. The ESFJs on here want to fit in (SJ style), so will not affirm anything that will alienate their species from the predominantly NT/F MBTI forum.

    2. The "different" ESFJs want to point out THEIR atypical ESFJ tendencies, whereas the typical ones reading won't bother, as their love of frilliness has been established already, and affirming it with personal anecdote would be redundant.

    3. A different brand of ESFJs lurk this site. And the OP was referring to the average, everyday ones who (s)he encounters.

    4. You're mistyped.

    Stereotypes are stereotypes, but they exist for a reason. MOST of the ESFJs I knew were hellbent on mushy gush. Not all, but most. And I previously spoke in sweeping generalities, because it's simply easier to write like that than to have to constantly say, "Well, this doesn't apply to ALL ESFJs, but MANY of the ones I know yada yada yada yay".
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  7. #27
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Mushy gush is needed to combat the cranky priks.

  8. #28
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Mushy gush is needed to combat the cranky priks.
    It....works.
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  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post

    It was that point that I realized that SJ's are just the dumping ground for any bad behaviors people see. That and the fact that other types act the same exact way (or even sometimes more exaggerated versions) but people just ignore that.
    Yeah you are right...

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  10. #30
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    hah! My mother always says that but never actually does it. (Not saying that's the case with you.)
    Lol, I have an ESFP friend that has the issue of not ignoring people. I've told her repeatedly that if someone doesn't like her to just let it go and not question it to death.



    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    Well there are a few possibilities.

    1. The ESFJs on here want to fit in (SJ style), so will not affirm anything that will alienate their species from the predominantly NT/F MBTI forum.

    2. The "different" ESFJs want to point out THEIR atypical ESFJ tendencies, whereas the typical ones reading won't bother, as their love of frilliness has been established already, and affirming it with personal anecdote would be redundant.

    3. A different brand of ESFJs lurk this site. And the OP was referring to the average, everyday ones who (s)he encounters.

    4. You're mistyped.

    Stereotypes are stereotypes, but they exist for a reason. MOST of the ESFJs I knew were hellbent on mushy gush. Not all, but most. And I previously spoke in sweeping generalities, because it's simply easier to write like that than to have to constantly say, "Well, this doesn't apply to ALL ESFJs, but MANY of the ones I know yada yada yada yay".
    The older I get the more introverted I seem to get... So it's possible that I am mistyped... Or was an ESFJ, but as I age I get more and more ISFJ like instead. Then again, my mom is an INFJ...Oh God, am I turning into my mother?

    And on the "different brand of ESFJs," I think that could be possible... Look how few ESFJs are on any forum... That could be an indication of the difference in the two.


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