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  1. #1
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    Default help an INTP understand an ESFJ

    So I'm LP. I'm an INTP.

    My sexy co-worker is an ESFJ.

    We have a date coming up...

    What do I do with this chick? (I secretly want to train her shadow side and vice-versa as well)

    Can someone (preferably an SJ but I ain't picky) tell me how to play and communicate with you people?

  2. #2
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    don't ask how i got the date cuz i don't know either. And if it helps, i make her laugh. A LOT.

  3. #3
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    You better buy her chocolates, open up the door for her, have great table manners, only put your arm around her (no kissy on first date), and call when you get home you promise.

    Things should be fine.

  4. #4
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quamdel View Post
    don't ask how i got the date cuz i don't know either. And if it helps, i make her laugh. A LOT.
    Seems like they laugh a lot- the ones I know.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Yep, I laugh a lot. And it's always the big appreciative laughs.

    Let's see... I really appreciate it when my guy opens doors for me... He's really good about giving me a compliment about my appearance... It's not always right off the bat, but it's always there somewhere. I like that he listens to me and offers up helpful advice without telling me I should do what he says, just merely tosses out suggestions. He listens to me even when I tend to go off on a tangent and start rambling... He never looks bored somehow...

    Usually, if we are going out we like to go to a sit down restaurant, doesn't have to be anything fancy, and then we'll go to a movie or just go rent a movie. Sometimes we'll just take a walk along the riverfront or at a park. I'm pretty laid back, so I'm typically game for anything.


  6. #6
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    thanks for the help! really i just need a way to keep our conversations going without boring her. I can deal with boredom, but she needs that stimulation.

    Does anybody know where that common ground is? I will pay you to take me there!

  7. #7
    Boldly Gone Malice's Avatar
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    Laughter is key, which for you doesn't seem to be a problem seeing as your sense of humour is probably one of the factors that clued her into you in the first place. Don't stress though, the best jokes are natural, don't force the funny. Bad plan

    Right so *cracks knuckles* Dating an ESFJ 101 with Miss Malice.
    Here we go!

    DO

    - Be polite [Remember your manners. open doors, don't slurp your soup, etc.]

    - Compliment her, but be genuine [and don't lay it on thick. Thick compliments = fishy. She'll expect something's up. Not enough compliments though and she'll think you're not interested. So use your brain.]

    - Listen to her [don't do stupid shit like talk over her when she's talking. She'll feel devalued. One speaker at a time.]

    - Smile and be interested [chemistry is everything]

    - Give feedback on her view and opinions. [Agree/Disagree, doesn't matter. But don't be sitting there like a turnip. No one wants to date a turnip. ]

    - Don't force the touchy feely [gross.]

    - Don't scare her off with waves of intense emotion [gross. time and place, dude! First date is neither.]

    - Keep the date simple, short and not too expensive. [less is more and she won't feel guilty about you dropping so much cash on her, or feel the pressure of having to put out afterwards]

    - Goodnight kiss is up to you. Look into her eyes as you say goodnight, if there's a sparkle or a linger of conversation she wants you. Go for it. If it's a brief, 'yeah, whatever, see ya at the office' better steer clear.

    I'll pense on this some more and see what else I can come up with.
    Good luck

  8. #8
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Malice pretty much hit the nail on the head for the most part but we are all going to be slightly different with regards to our humour, interests etc.

    Do you happen to know her birthday?
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Malice pretty much hit the nail on the head for the most part but we are all going to be slightly different with regards to our humour, interests etc.

    Do you happen to know her birthday?
    Haha her birthday is the day after halloween, and we are both creative people

    Are there any phrases I should avoid saying?

  10. #10
    Boldly Gone Malice's Avatar
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    Whatever you do, keep your jokes tasteful.
    ESFJ's I know are pretty sensitive, so don't be ripping on them too badly. most don't like to be criticized whatsoever.
    No fat jokes, no jokes where they may feel intellectually inadequate, don't be cutting up their friends or family in any way shape or form. This may sound like pretty basic social logic to you, but trust me, some people are idiots. Dare to test those waters with an ESFJ and see how fast you're eating alone and stuck with the bill.

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