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  1. #1
    Senior Member HotpinkHeatwave's Avatar
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    Default WHY ARE ISFJs SO EMOTIONAL?

    Seriously. I know a lot of ISFJs. Five, to be exact.

    Three are female, two male. Two out of the three females are extremely, extremely emotional. The two males worry SO MUCH, and the remaining female.. She is fairly stable when it comes to emotions. But the two other females? OH GOD. They're ungodly emotional. Touchy, cry a lot, easily offended, easily upset. I really, really dislike it sometimes. How can anyone be so emotional?

    For example, my ISFJ friend (one of the two females) slept over last night. In the morning, she got an upsetting call, and she started BAWLING. When she hung up, she told me the reason, and I almost face-palmed. She did have reason to be upset, but it was NOTHING to cry about.

    I'm wondering if they're not unhealthy ISFJs?

    In my opinion, a healthy ISFJ should be emotionally stable, very quiet and behind the scenes, very concerned about the well-being of the world around them.

    Your opinions?

  2. #2
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Maybe they have their reasons to be upset that they're not telling you about? Like some underlying issues that have been stressing them out? Also, sometimes what's important to them might not be important to you, so you think they are overreacting, but in their opinion it might be completely normal to be upset over those things.

    When I get upset over something fairly abstract, like a sudden fear of losing my identity -- that I've been forgetting an important part of myself -- I'm sure none of my SJ friends understood why it was such a big deal

    IMO, all healthy people should be emotionally stable
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    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HotpinkHeatwave View Post
    Seriously. I know a lot of ISFJs. Five, to be exact.

    Three are female, two male. Two out of the three females are extremely, extremely emotional. The two males worry SO MUCH, and the remaining female.. She is fairly stable when it comes to emotions. But the two other females? OH GOD. They're ungodly emotional. Touchy, cry a lot, easily offended, easily upset. I really, really dislike it sometimes. How can anyone be so emotional?

    For example, my ISFJ friend (one of the two females) slept over last night. In the morning, she got an upsetting call, and she started BAWLING. When she hung up, she told me the reason, and I almost face-palmed. She did have reason to be upset, but it was NOTHING to cry about.

    I'm wondering if they're not unhealthy ISFJs?

    In my opinion, a healthy ISFJ should be emotionally stable, very quiet and behind the scenes, very concerned about the well-being of the world around them.

    Your opinions?
    People start out immature. Yes, including us too. And then they are tempered by life experience in order to learn how to deal in more nuanced and complex ways.

    Certainly a "healthy" ISFJ often looks like what you have described. Yet you should also be concerned that the ISFJ does not retreat too far into THAT persona and use it a wall or mask to block out any sort of emotional display in order to avoid feeling hurt -- that is one typical pathway I've seen ISFJs struggle with. They give up their soul in order to meet their obligations or avoid the pain of disappointment, since few people can live up to their expectations for what the world should be like.

    Change, unless they were exposed to it at an early age and thus tempered already, is hard for anyone and probably particularly so for Si types. There has to be some sort of stability that mirrors in the inner view of the outer world. Especially with the Je thing comes a sense of wanting to control the outer world to keep it mirroring the inner; it can be hard when external reality fails to comply. P's have it easier here; our coping mechanism is to flex to change and thus weave it into a new path more to our choosing, if possible.

    So.... you found out the ISFJ cares deeply about something that you don't see as important as she does. Maybe your role could be to model what you think is a better response, to give them some bedrock to cling to? That would probably be helpful to her. People take a long time learning the limits of their abilities and control over the world, and also learning how to adjust to disappointments. She'll get there; it just takes time, and modeled behavior, and a sense of what possibilities there are besides just the one being perceived.
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    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    Mom's an isfj.
    She has lots of good sides and such even though we're not really compatible on a fundamental level but anyway.
    Something she does from time to time is to be in my face about everything when I repetitively said I didn't require help then suddently snaps at me and sulk in a VERY passive aggressive way refusing any rational discourse( or even to aknowledge the obvious issue), and I do mean any.

    always a good time.
    I don't have any deep seated issue with it, I mean, it is tiring when it happens but I mostly don't care. Well I do because refusal to communicate is just stupid and immature at any age but in a blasé nt way.

    Then again try being really hazy on the details around an intj or never giving the source for/reasoning behind your information to an intp and see what happens

    I guess any trait is fine as long as people are willing to discuss it and not make the 'inter'action into something unilateral. (for example, people screaming at you and not listening to anything you say etc)
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    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HotpinkHeatwave View Post

    In my opinion, a healthy ISFJ should be emotionally stable, very quiet and behind the scenes, very concerned about the well-being of the world around them.

    Your opinions?
    Any mature and healthy type should be emotionally stable, and not every ISFJ wants to be quiet or is very concerned about the world.

    You could ask what else is wrong, like what's really bothering them. I do that with my one ISFJ friend and for the most part there's something else usually bothering them if spilled milk made them cry.

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    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    My experience with ISFJs has been the opposite. They are anxious, yes, but they keep their negative emotions in check. The ISFJs I've known have been mostly pleasant and if they're sad or upset, you probably wouldn't know it. I think its because they tend to put the needs (including feelings) of others ahead of their own. Then again, I don't know a whole lot of ISFJs and some of these people may really be some other type.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HotpinkHeatwave View Post
    Seriously. I know a lot of ISFJs. Five, to be exact.

    Three are female, two male. Two out of the three females are extremely, extremely emotional. The two males worry SO MUCH, and the remaining female.. She is fairly stable when it comes to emotions. But the two other females? OH GOD. They're ungodly emotional. Touchy, cry a lot, easily offended, easily upset. I really, really dislike it sometimes. How can anyone be so emotional?

    For example, my ISFJ friend (one of the two females) slept over last night. In the morning, she got an upsetting call, and she started BAWLING. When she hung up, she told me the reason, and I almost face-palmed. She did have reason to be upset, but it was NOTHING to cry about.

    I'm wondering if they're not unhealthy ISFJs?

    In my opinion, a healthy ISFJ should be emotionally stable, very quiet and behind the scenes, very concerned about the well-being of the world around them.

    Your opinions?
    I can't speak for ISFJ females, only as a male, so my input will come from that perspective.

    I do worry a lot about things, but that's usually because I take whatever responsibility that's been given to me very personally (which I know I shouldn't do, but I do it anyway).

    As such, if something doesn't get done in a way that I'm good with then I start to worry as I feel like it's a failure on my part, that I'm letting my people down, etc etc. I think that's why ISFJs can be control freaks sometimes we want to make sure things get done right so we don't personally feel like failures.

    As for your friends, they certainly could be...or they may not. In spite of whatever appearance I may give on this forum, in real life I am usually very quiet and stoical about how I go about things. Put me in a situation in which pertains to someone or something important to me, and my emotions easily come riding to the surface.

    My problem (and this may or may not apply to other ISFJs) is that I have a difficult time expressing my emotions properly or acceptably. I either do it too weakly (which can come off as fake or contrived) or I over do it and overwhelm the other person with my emotional intensity. That's why I'm such a stickler for social etiquette: It provides me a socially acceptable method of expression for my feelings and my attitudes on things. It's also why, when my emotions do boil to the surface, it's usually very intense because I keep my feelings bottled up inside.

    So...sorry, but there's a good chance your friends are OK and it's just how they are. I don't know, you may want to talk to them about it. If I'm ever at a point where I'm hysterical about something, it usually means something is really bothering me and I either don't want to talk about it (which is stupid and unfair I'll admit) or I'll feel really embarrassed talking about and have a hard time bringing it up.
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  8. #8
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    Are you sure you're an ENFP? We're pretty emotional too. I think that's one of the reasons why I like ISFJs.

  9. #9
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by paradigm-shift View Post
    My experience with ISFJs has been the opposite. They are anxious, yes, but they keep their negative emotions in check. The ISFJs I've known have been mostly pleasant and if they're sad or upset, you probably wouldn't know it. I think its because they tend to put the needs (including feelings) of others ahead of their own. Then again, I don't know a whole lot of ISFJs and some of these people may really be some other type.
    Agree with this. Never seen an ISFJ like in the OP. Well, they might get upset like that once in a blue moon. They're worry warts for sure all the time.

    Edit: Maybe they aren't ISFJs.

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  10. #10
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    WTH @ the OP

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