User Tag List

First 917181920 Last

Results 181 to 190 of 197

  1. #181
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    TIGR
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Socionics
    EII None
    Posts
    5,936

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ImNotTooPopular View Post
    I'm not so young, but I am inexperienced due to my lack of popularity.

    I have noticed she never talks about her relationship with her boyfriend. I wonder why. To me it seems that it might be a more practical relationship than deep and passionate. Her boyfriend also seems SJ, but I don't know him that well.
    Very curious indeed.
    Quote Originally Posted by ImNotTooPopular View Post
    I her? No way. I don't find her attractive even in the slightest way.

    If I were hot, I might actually be popular. Some girls have been known to say I'm cute, though.
    The lad doth protest too much, methinks!
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  2. #182
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    5,350

    Default

    So, I'm curious now, what is the best way for INTPboy to tell ESFJgirl that he dislikes gossip and wishes she would stop gossiping to him?

    Does he have to come straight out and tell her?

    What exactly will persuade her to leave him alone?

  3. #183
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    So, I'm curious now, what is the best way for INTPboy to tell ESFJgirl that he dislikes gossip and wishes she would stop gossiping to him?

    Does he have to come straight out and tell her?

    What exactly will persuade her to leave him alone?
    You can't stop gossip. The best thing for him to do would be to take himself out of the area when it starts. Then people will notice and start gossiping about him. It's a vicious cycle.

    As for the leaving him alone part, I'd find out what her intentions are first. Evidently, he thinks she's being manipulative so once again the path of least resistance would be to simply avoid her. But then he'll be on the run all the time when he sees her coming. If he doesn't want to be on the lamb, try EJ way and take the direct route. Please try to dredge up some Fe for from somewhere so that you can get her to leave you be and not have the opposite reaction of her making it her life's mission to annoy you. Lie if you need to, say you have to your car in by a certain time or hey, say you don't think her boyfriend would appreciate you spending so much alone time with her. Put the onus of responsibility back on her some way.

    Given your stance that you don't want conflict, I'd say the best thing for ImNotTooPopular to do would be avoid her avoid her avoid her. Put that ENTP to work and brainstorm possibilities with you. Avoiding people is a fairly common thing and not that difficult to come up with reasons for. Which is why I didn't give you any.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #184
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    5,350

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    You can't stop gossip. The best thing for him to do would be to take himself out of the area when it starts. Then people will notice and start gossiping about him. It's a vicious cycle.

    As for the leaving him alone part, I'd find out what her intentions are first. Evidently, he thinks she's being manipulative so once again the path of least resistance would be to simply avoid her. But then he'll be on the run all the time when he sees her coming. If he doesn't want to be on the lamb, try EJ way and take the direct route. Please try to dredge up some Fe for from somewhere so that you can get her to leave you be and not have the opposite reaction of her making it her life's mission to annoy you. Lie if you need to, say you have to your car in by a certain time or hey, say you don't think her boyfriend would appreciate you spending so much alone time with her. Put the onus of responsibility back on her some way.

    Given your stance that you don't want conflict, I'd say the best thing for ImNotTooPopular to do would be avoid her avoid her avoid her. Put that ENTP to work and brainstorm possibilities with you. Avoiding people is a fairly common thing and not that difficult to come up with reasons for. Which is why I didn't give you any.
    Referring to the part I bolded, it is possible for her to try to annoy him on purpose. Interesting. I wonder if that's what she's already doing?

    So he should appeal to her Fe? That's her desire to be socially proper?

  5. #185
    Fight For Freedom FFF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9
    Posts
    691

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    Referring to the part I bolded, it is possible for her to try to annoy him on purpose. Interesting. I wonder if that's what she's already doing?

    So he should appeal to her Fe? That's her desire to be socially proper?
    Umm, I think she has this insatiable need to go blah blah blah, and she's more focused on that. Something funny happened today, though. We ended up talking about who works more, and she was saying that she works more than me. Really, I don't think that's true, and I said something about how she spends so much time talking instead of working. Then she was like "That hurt my feelings... girls have feelings, ya know?" Hmm, I guess the truth hurts.

  6. #186
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    4,601

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    So, I'm curious now, what is the best way for INTPboy to tell ESFJgirl that he dislikes gossip and wishes she would stop gossiping to him?

    Does he have to come straight out and tell her?

    What exactly will persuade her to leave him alone?
    What I've sometimes had to do with people who try to draw me into gossip if I don't want to be drawn, is to wait for them to make some kind of gesture or sound or whatever that says they're waiting for my opinion or contribution. Then I'll say something like, "Well, it's none of my business really. I'd rather stay out of other people's business." But say it in a cheerful voice, not an accusative one. This may result in her feeling 'inadvertently' chastized by you for her busy-bodying, and, wanting to appear generally benevolent, she might make a mental note not to do that around you again. You may have to do it several times before she gets the message.

    It helps if you add something on the end, such as "... I've got enough to do with these darned..." and mention some work you have to do, and try to get her to talk about that instead, perhaps by asking for her advice (even if you don't need it). That way you're giving the clear message that you don't want to gossip, but at the same time giving her something else to talk about so you're not coming across as rejecting her, but only that particular subject. She will soon get bored of talking about the job at hand, but, seeing you're anxious to get on with it, she'll probably just move on.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  7. #187
    Fight For Freedom FFF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9
    Posts
    691

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    Very curious indeed.
    The lad doth protest too much, methinks!
    I've got a picture up in my profile if you wanna see it. I don't have a beard anymore, though.

  8. #188
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    5,350

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    What I've sometimes had to do with people who try to draw me into gossip if I don't want to be drawn, is to wait for them to make some kind of gesture or sound or whatever that says they're waiting for my opinion or contribution. Then I'll say something like, "Well, it's none of my business really. I'd rather stay out of other people's business." But say it in a cheerful voice, not an accusative one. This may result in her feeling 'inadvertently' chastized by you for her busy-bodying, and, wanting to appear generally benevolent, she might make a mental note not to do that around you again. You may have to do it several times before she gets the message.

    It helps if you add something on the end, such as "... I've got enough to do with these darned..." and mention some work you have to do, and try to get her to talk about that instead, perhaps by asking for her advice (even if you don't need it). That way you're giving the clear message that you don't want to gossip, but at the same time giving her something else to talk about so you're not coming across as rejecting her, but only that particular subject. She will soon get bored of talking about the job at hand, but, seeing you're anxious to get on with it, she'll probably just move on.
    I love that! That's exactly the way I feel about it, too! Coming up with a comment to re-direct the conversation might be a little tougher for me, but it's a good idea.

    One trick I learned, if the person's a Christian and they're running on an on about someone, you're supposed to interrupt, grab their hands and say, "Let's pray for so-and-so right now." I tried it once, and that was the end of that.

  9. #189
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    5,350

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ImNotTooPopular View Post
    I've got a picture up in my profile if you wanna see it. I don't have a beard anymore, though.
    I think you're handsome.

  10. #190
    heart on fire
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    8,457

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    I think you're handsome.

    Yes, he'll do.

Similar Threads

  1. [ESFJ] ESFJ + IST/FJ: How Do You Know When A ESFJ Likes You?
    By LavenderSoda in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-26-2016, 11:00 AM
  2. [ESFJ] What is an ESFJ like?
    By Little Linguist in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 05-24-2011, 10:05 PM
  3. There are doors all up in this hoe, FOOL!
    By TopherRed in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 02-25-2010, 05:25 PM
  4. Replies: 20
    Last Post: 04-28-2007, 06:40 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO