[ESFJ] Are All ESFJs Like This?

[Tigerlily]

I'm not so young, but I am inexperienced due to my lack of popularity.

I have noticed she never talks about her relationship with her boyfriend. I wonder why. To me it seems that it might be a more practical relationship than deep and passionate. Her boyfriend also seems SJ, but I don't know him that well.

Very curious indeed.

I her? No way. I don't find her attractive even in the slightest way.

If I were hot, I might actually be popular. Some girls have been known to say I'm cute, though.

The lad doth protest too much, methinks!

 

[INTJMom]

So, I'm curious now, what is the best way for INTPboy to tell ESFJgirl that he dislikes gossip and wishes she would stop gossiping to him?

Does he have to come straight out and tell her?

What exactly will persuade her to leave him alone?

 

[proteanmix]

So, I'm curious now, what is the best way for INTPboy to tell ESFJgirl that he dislikes gossip and wishes she would stop gossiping to him?

Does he have to come straight out and tell her?

What exactly will persuade her to leave him alone?

You can't stop gossip. The best thing for him to do would be to take himself out of the area when it starts. Then people will notice and start gossiping about him. It's a vicious cycle.

As for the leaving him alone part, I'd find out what her intentions are first. Evidently, he thinks she's being manipulative so once again the path of least resistance would be to simply avoid her. But then he'll be on the run all the time when he sees her coming. If he doesn't want to be on the lamb, try EJ way and take the direct route. Please try to dredge up some Fe for from somewhere so that you can get her to leave you be and not have the opposite reaction of her making it her life's mission to annoy you. Lie if you need to, say you have to your car in by a certain time or hey, say you don't think her boyfriend would appreciate you spending so much alone time with her. Put the onus of responsibility back on her some way.

Given your stance that you don't want conflict, I'd say the best thing for ImNotTooPopular to do would be avoid her avoid her avoid her. Put that ENTP to work and brainstorm possibilities with you. Avoiding people is a fairly common thing and not that difficult to come up with reasons for. Which is why I didn't give you any.

 

[INTJMom]

You can't stop gossip. The best thing for him to do would be to take himself out of the area when it starts. Then people will notice and start gossiping about him. It's a vicious cycle.

As for the leaving him alone part, I'd find out what her intentions are first. Evidently, he thinks she's being manipulative so once again the path of least resistance would be to simply avoid her. But then he'll be on the run all the time when he sees her coming. If he doesn't want to be on the lamb, try EJ way and take the direct route. Please try to dredge up some Fe for from somewhere so that you can get her to leave you be and not have the opposite reaction of her making it her life's mission to annoy you. Lie if you need to, say you have to your car in by a certain time or hey, say you don't think her boyfriend would appreciate you spending so much alone time with her. Put the onus of responsibility back on her some way.

Given your stance that you don't want conflict, I'd say the best thing for ImNotTooPopular to do would be avoid her avoid her avoid her. Put that ENTP to work and brainstorm possibilities with you. Avoiding people is a fairly common thing and not that difficult to come up with reasons for. Which is why I didn't give you any.

Referring to the part I bolded, it is possible for her to try to annoy him on purpose. Interesting. I wonder if that's what she's already doing?

So he should appeal to her Fe? That's her desire to be socially proper?

 

[FFF]

Referring to the part I bolded, it is possible for her to try to annoy him on purpose. Interesting. I wonder if that's what she's already doing?

So he should appeal to her Fe? That's her desire to be socially proper?

Umm, I think she has this insatiable need to go blah blah blah, and she's more focused on that. Something funny happened today, though. We ended up talking about who works more, and she was saying that she works more than me. Really, I don't think that's true, and I said something about how she spends so much time talking instead of working. Then she was like "That hurt my feelings... girls have feelings, ya know?" Hmm, I guess the truth hurts.

 

[substitute]

So, I'm curious now, what is the best way for INTPboy to tell ESFJgirl that he dislikes gossip and wishes she would stop gossiping to him?

Does he have to come straight out and tell her?

What exactly will persuade her to leave him alone?

What I've sometimes had to do with people who try to draw me into gossip if I don't want to be drawn, is to wait for them to make some kind of gesture or sound or whatever that says they're waiting for my opinion or contribution. Then I'll say something like, "Well, it's none of my business really. I'd rather stay out of other people's business." But say it in a cheerful voice, not an accusative one. This may result in her feeling 'inadvertently' chastized by you for her busy-bodying, and, wanting to appear generally benevolent, she might make a mental note not to do that around you again. You may have to do it several times before she gets the message.

It helps if you add something on the end, such as "... I've got enough to do with these darned..." and mention some work you have to do, and try to get her to talk about that instead, perhaps by asking for her advice (even if you don't need it). That way you're giving the clear message that you don't want to gossip, but at the same time giving her something else to talk about so you're not coming across as rejecting her, but only that particular subject. She will soon get bored of talking about the job at hand, but, seeing you're anxious to get on with it, she'll probably just move on.

 

[FFF]

Very curious indeed.
The lad doth protest too much, methinks!

I've got a picture up in my profile if you wanna see it. I don't have a beard anymore, though.

 

[INTJMom]

What I've sometimes had to do with people who try to draw me into gossip if I don't want to be drawn, is to wait for them to make some kind of gesture or sound or whatever that says they're waiting for my opinion or contribution. Then I'll say something like, "Well, it's none of my business really. I'd rather stay out of other people's business." But say it in a cheerful voice, not an accusative one. This may result in her feeling 'inadvertently' chastized by you for her busy-bodying, and, wanting to appear generally benevolent, she might make a mental note not to do that around you again. You may have to do it several times before she gets the message.

It helps if you add something on the end, such as "... I've got enough to do with these darned..." and mention some work you have to do, and try to get her to talk about that instead, perhaps by asking for her advice (even if you don't need it). That way you're giving the clear message that you don't want to gossip, but at the same time giving her something else to talk about so you're not coming across as rejecting her, but only that particular subject. She will soon get bored of talking about the job at hand, but, seeing you're anxious to get on with it, she'll probably just move on.

I love that! That's exactly the way I feel about it, too! Coming up with a comment to re-direct the conversation might be a little tougher for me, but it's a good idea.

One trick I learned, if the person's a Christian and they're running on an on about someone, you're supposed to interrupt, grab their hands and say, "Let's pray for so-and-so right now." I tried it once, and that was the end of that.

 

[INTJMom]

I've got a picture up in my profile if you wanna see it. I don't have a beard anymore, though.

I think you're handsome.

 

[heart]

I think you're handsome.

Yes, he'll do.

 

[FFF]

I think you're handsome.

Thank you.

and you too heart.

 

[Mort Belfry]

I mentioned she's fat because I didn't want people to start thinking she was one of those popular, attractive ESFJs.

Just because she's fat doesn't mean she's not popular or attractive.

 

[Camelopardalis]

"Are All ESFJs Like This?"

Never would 'all' of a type be like 'this'. Everybody is an individual. MBTI is just a type indicator that sorts you into sixteen types, but within that, there are much differences also. If we were all the same... I'd imagine my fellow INTJ's would not have so many differing views among themselves.

I never specifically typed a lot of people. It was mainly my close friends, but seeing ESFJ's are about 10% of the population, I daresay that I've encountered quite a few in my life. Not a lot of them bothered me, though, and I've always seen them as friendly and out-going (of course, I didn't get to know too many ESFJ's too personally. My mother is ISFJ and my best friends are INFJ, INTJ and ENTP). Ok. Maybe they DO like to talk about everyday things, but that is not inherently 'bad' in any way. Just because you don't like it, that doesn't mean it's bad. Just pretend to listen if it makes you feel better, and avoid dealing with them if they bother you, but there's really no need to bash ESFJ's in general.

 

[batumi]

So, now I end up working with this fat ESFJ girl, and she is so annoying.


No wonder you are not too popular. I have a close friend who is ESFJ that I adore, particularly because he is kind. Maybe you should take notes.

 

[Soar337]

urgh! Atleast you didn't SPEND TIME WITH ONE. And then have them fly off the rails whenever you did the tiniest thing 'wrong' have them constantly talk about you behind their back with their stupid !!!!!!!!!!!! JUDGEMENTS ! ARGH!

On a good note, i no longer talk to her. And feel relieved she is out of my life. She never didn't anything but make me anxious and feel guilty.

 

[tinker683]

Wow, another necro thread. Read the first couple of pages then stopped. Too much Hatorade in this thread

 

[Haven]

I have no idea what this thread is about, but I will say yes. Yes all ESFJs are like that. I'm harshly judging all of you at this very moment.