I feel very dumb for posting this... Especially as an ENTJ.
An ISTJ broke my heart by severing with me in March after a three month courting period and I'm still trying to get over it.
It all seemed so dreamy at first. I was talking and he was listening. He seemed like a strong and silent type that would be able to balance my inner emotions. within three weeks of meeting he actually said he thought I was relationship material. He said that I was "one of two people he could see himself in a relationship with."
then, I took that as an initiative to pursue him more heavily. I called and texted frequently. He responded frequently. I kept talking and I thought he was listening.
Then, something happened. Around month 2.5 he started to get distant. He clammed up and started to get negative with me. It's as if he purposely was pushing me away. I gave him some space to see what would happen.
Then I get an email saying "you can ignore me. The choice is up to you. It is your loss" to which I responded.. "i was just giving you some space... "
Then the proverbial crap hit the fan.... A couple of conversations later and he was really distant. I asked him if something was wrong. He said no. Then during one conversation he said I was bitter and jaded.
Then I made a fatal mistake. I told him that if he thought I was bitter that he should probably find someone else. I secretly thought he might respond by telling me he wanted me and was sorry.... But instead he said that he was "hoping I would respond that way because I was coming on too strongly and he did not feel any attraction for me anymore."
That was harsh. I tried to appeal to him by writing him a very flowery letter telling him how special I thought he was and how I cared for him and felt a nurturing bond with him. I wanted to communicate with him but I wondered why he was so uncommunicative and also perhaps a little angry sometimes. I made it clear that I had feelings but he told me to have a nice life.
It has been a few months and I still cry over him. I wonder how someone can be so unflinching, perhaps even a bit callous when someone tells them how special they are. I am unable to fully move on. I stupidly sent him more messages afterwards trying to get him to realize how valuable I thought he was to me and how we could teach each other to grow. Each one expressed my feelings clearly and eagerly. Stony silence was the response.
ISTJ's, it hurts a lot when you don't realize the way you manipulate people's emotions by being so standoffish. Just remember that it takes two to tango and when you don't learn to step in tandem that the choreography falls flat. Retracting your feelings for people is worse than never initializing them. Taking a peek beyond your own world view is not really as scary as you think... It might actually benefit you in the end.