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  1. #11
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Again, I'm sorry. Not knowing is terrible. Personally, I think we all deserve to know the truth. But it doesn't matter now, cause even if you don't know why, you know what. And what it is is that it's over.

    These were all very small things. Even if he did get upset about those things, they don't really matter. Your personal opinion of a movie, your personal opinion of a restaurant. Wtf. If he did let these things rule you out of his life, then I'm thinking he wasn't that interested in the first place. It wasn't something you did, or didn't do. And I don't think you're a horrible person. Maybe he's doing you a favour by giving you the silence treatment. That's your answer. Take it and run. I don't think you have much it gain by analysing this situation. And even if you did, would you want to be with someone who treated you this way?

  2. #12
    Senior Member bcubchgo's Avatar
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    yup - I agree again, I think I am finally getting over my denial phase here.. lol

    but of course having an overactive imagination doesn't help in a situation like this. oh well. live and learn.

  3. #13
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Your guy hasn't realized yet that the [current] palatable way to say that you just want something light, casual, and fun and not something deep and heavy is to say that you'd like to be "Friends with benefits".

  4. #14
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Sometimes people might not be compatible even though there is an attraction.

    Love shouldn't be hard, especially at the beginning.

    So IMO I wouldn't over-analyze.

    Something else will look more promising soon, I'm sure.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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  5. #15
    He who laughs
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    so hes not the one for you. Move on and find someone that will be compatible to your love style and communication style. Thats my advice, he couldnt compromise and didnt feel as strongly about you as you did him. Its not your fault

  6. #16
    Senior Member bcubchgo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slowriot View Post
    so hes not the one for you. Move on and find someone that will be compatible to your love style and communication style. Thats my advice, he couldnt compromise and didnt feel as strongly about you as you did him. Its not your fault
    damn. that is like, so logical and stuff. why didn't i think of that? <grin>

  7. #17
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    wtf? get out of here.

  8. #18
    L'anima non dimora Donna Cecilia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bcubchgo View Post
    damn. that is like, so logical and stuff. why didn't i think of that? <grin>
    Because you have not processed the whole thing in your head yet. Do so, and move on.

    After reading your wall of text () I can see that the problem on your side was inconsistency. Like I said before, I don´t like mixed signals. Still, this guy should have been honest about what he wanted out of you from the start, instead of playing with your mind.

    Now, the only thing you can do is to move on.
    Last edited by Donna Cecilia; 08-06-2010 at 09:56 AM.

    "An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise."
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  9. #19
    Senior Member MoneyTick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bcubchgo View Post
    I feel very dumb for posting this... Especially as an ENTJ.

    An ISTJ broke my heart by severing with me in March after a three month courting period and I'm still trying to get over it.

    It all seemed so dreamy at first. I was talking and he was listening. He seemed like a strong and silent type that would be able to balance my inner emotions. within three weeks of meeting he actually said he thought I was relationship material. He said that I was "one of two people he could see himself in a relationship with."

    then, I took that as an initiative to pursue him more heavily. I called and texted frequently. He responded frequently. I kept talking and I thought he was listening.

    Then, something happened. Around month 2.5 he started to get distant. He clammed up and started to get negative with me. It's as if he purposely was pushing me away. I gave him some space to see what would happen.

    Then I get an email saying "you can ignore me. The choice is up to you. It is your loss" to which I responded.. "i was just giving you some space... "

    Then the proverbial crap hit the fan.... A couple of conversations later and he was really distant. I asked him if something was wrong. He said no. Then during one conversation he said I was bitter and jaded.

    Then I made a fatal mistake. I told him that if he thought I was bitter that he should probably find someone else. I secretly thought he might respond by telling me he wanted me and was sorry.... But instead he said that he was "hoping I would respond that way because I was coming on too strongly and he did not feel any attraction for me anymore."

    That was harsh. I tried to appeal to him by writing him a very flowery letter telling him how special I thought he was and how I cared for him and felt a nurturing bond with him. I wanted to communicate with him but I wondered why he was so uncommunicative and also perhaps a little angry sometimes. I made it clear that I had feelings but he told me to have a nice life.

    It has been a few months and I still cry over him. I wonder how someone can be so unflinching, perhaps even a bit callous when someone tells them how special they are. I am unable to fully move on. I stupidly sent him more messages afterwards trying to get him to realize how valuable I thought he was to me and how we could teach each other to grow. Each one expressed my feelings clearly and eagerly. Stony silence was the response.

    ISTJ's, it hurts a lot when you don't realize the way you manipulate people's emotions by being so standoffish. Just remember that it takes two to tango and when you don't learn to step in tandem that the choreography falls flat. Retracting your feelings for people is worse than never initializing them. Taking a peek beyond your own world view is not really as scary as you think... It might actually benefit you in the end.

    #1 Don't Write Flowery letters

    #2 Why are you allowing someone else to hurt you like this? Does he have
    the right to hurt you? NO - So don't feel hurt. If he physically hurts you then OUCH! But if he hurts you on the "inside" that forget it, that doesn't count. Get gald You just cut loose the bigest dope head I've ever heard of. Go find yourself a real boyfriend that will really care about you and enjoy life!

    #3 I need a break already this is too much.

    Enjoy your day!

  10. #20
    Senior Member bcubchgo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salt n' pepper View Post
    wtf? get out of here.
    huh.. was that addressed to moi? not sure what you mean. I was trying to be ironically funny. Because I *did* think of what slowriot posted - but being obessed with somebody will make you do some pretty stupid things.

    Quote Originally Posted by Donna Cecilia View Post
    Because you have not processed the whole thing in your head yet. Do so, and move on.

    After reading your wall of text () I can see that the problem on your side was inconsistency. Like I said before, I don´t like mixed signals. Still, this guy should have been honest about what he wanted out of you from the start, instead of playing with your mind.

    Now, the only thing you can do is to move on.
    yeah I got it and it's processed already - my mixed signals and his mixed signals were like oil and vinegar. They could coexist but not bond. It was like being fatally attracted to a difficult situation. To sound like a broken record though, his mixed signals don't have any forward explanation - which sucks, and is probably the root of my emotional issue. Lack of closure is pretty shitty for someone with a rational train of thought.

    Quote Originally Posted by MoneyTick View Post
    #1 Don't Write Flowery letters

    #2 Why are you allowing someone else to hurt you like this? Does he have
    the right to hurt you? NO - So don't feel hurt. If he physically hurts you then OUCH! But if he hurts you on the "inside" that forget it, that doesn't count. Get gald You just cut loose the bigest dope head I've ever heard of. Go find yourself a real boyfriend that will really care about you and enjoy life!

    #3 I need a break already this is too much.

    Enjoy your day!
    #1. infatuation is silly. flowery letters only get written to people who I think are really worth it. words like that don't come out of me unless I believe there is someone of value that they need to be written to.

    #2. I don't know, other than maybe I was truly dissappointed that I ended up getting dumped by someone that I wanted to nurture? And even though I told him that he was admired he still denied me, for reasons unknown. It was a serious ego bruise for someone who never opens up to anyone emotionally. And when I take a step like that with someone I usually really mean it. Yet another example of when bearing your emotions as an ENTJ can come back to bite you in the ass unintentionally.

    #3. you can clock back in now - break time is over!

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