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  1. #21
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    if he's only angry with you because of the uninvite, then he has good reason to at least wonder about the causes behind it, and since she's his girlfriend, he no doubt expressed that to her. she, naturally, would wonder the same thing for at least a second or two. fact is, any reason they could imagine you having would lead them to suspect you still have feelings for her.

    this, could and probably did, cause him to be leery of you. she, being that she's not with you and is with him (a sign that she prefers him - not that he 'got there first'), almost definitely came to her own conclusions about your motives and sees right through them. they are rather see-through. and, being that it's him she wants and she can't miss you wanting her anyway, she probably didn't need his opinion at all. he wouldn't have to manipulate anything.

    you're the one that sounds manipulative. in your attempts to control the situation in your favor, you're asking for opinions that will help you figure out your next move.

    if it's her feelings/thoughts about you that you're concerned about then stop doing things that make you look like you have no control over yourself.
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  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    What type is she?

    Considering your confidence level about the girl (which seems medium high) it sounds like the girl is feeding you both.

    If this is true then you are truly a threat to the bf and it's no surprise to me that he is acting this way... he's doing what he has to do, which is to put his foot down in some way.

    You and the BF are acting exactly alike actually.

    The responsibility rests on her to draw the line, not on either of you guys unless you want to have a old -fashioned duel, winner takes girl.

    I have a sneaking suspicion that she won't draw a line though (she technically doesn't have to when you hide behind friendship) until things escalate to ridiculous levels of drama or somebody breaks up and/or moves away.
    No duel, you snooze you loose, cut your losses or get beat up.

  3. #23
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    What type is she?

    Considering your confidence level about the girl (which seems medium high) it sounds like the girl is feeding you both.

    If this is true then you are truly a threat to the bf and it's no surprise to me that he is acting this way... he's doing what he has to do, which is to put his foot down in some way.

    You and the BF are acting exactly alike actually.

    The responsibility rests on her to draw the line, not on either of you guys unless you want to have a old -fashioned duel, winner takes girl.

    I have a sneaking suspicion that she won't draw a line though (she technically doesn't have to when you hide behind friendship) until things escalate to ridiculous levels of drama or somebody breaks up and/or moves away.
    what do you mean with feeding us both?

    she is an enfp. duel would be nice, but i would need to get him to attack me or i would look like a violent asshole to her.

    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    if he's only angry with you because of the uninvite, then he has good reason to at least wonder about the causes behind it, and since she's his girlfriend, he no doubt expressed that to her. she, naturally, would wonder the same thing for at least a second or two. fact is, any reason they could imagine you having would lead them to suspect you still have feelings for her.

    this, could and probably did, cause him to be leery of you. she, being that she's not with you and is with him (a sign that she prefers him - not that he 'got there first'), almost definitely came to her own conclusions about your motives and sees right through them. they are rather see-through. and, being that it's him she wants and she can't miss you wanting her anyway, she probably didn't need his opinion at all. he wouldn't have to manipulate anything.

    you're the one that sounds manipulative. in your attempts to control the situation in your favor, you're asking for opinions that will help you figure out your next move.

    if it's her feelings/thoughts about you that you're concerned about then stop doing things that make you look like you have no control over yourself.
    again they both know the reasons behind the uninviting thing and about my feelings, they both have known about my feelings for a long time and he was ok with me even after he knew about them.

    i think you should read this topic again and try to understand whats going on.

    im not trying to figure out my next movement, im not interested of making any moves. the guy will hopefully fuck off from my country again and i can hang around again with my friends and that girl normally. i dont think it would have any effect is he would tell her not to see me, because she even saw her ex(invited him to hang with us once) during the time the guy was out the country and she even told that his bf wouldnt like her seeing her ex
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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  4. #24
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    what do you mean with feeding us both?
    Does she flirt with you or is she just friendly with you? What made you think that you had a chance with her?

    duel would be nice, but i would need to get him to attack me or i would look like a violent asshole to her.
    I was just kidding! lol


    im not trying to figure out my next movement, im not interested of making any moves. the guy will hopefully fuck off from my country again and i can hang around again with my friends and that girl normally. i dont think it would have any effect is he would tell her not to see me, because she even saw her ex(invited him to hang with us once) during the time the guy was out the country and she even told that his bf wouldnt like her seeing her ex
    If he does "fuck off from your country" I would at least hope that you'd make a righteous move while she's single since you're going through great lengths right now to make it seem like this girl did not want to be with you just because of him. If you don't then she's just going to get another boyfriend.

  5. #25
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Does she flirt with you or is she just friendly with you? What made you think that you had a chance with her?



    I was just kidding! lol




    If he does "fuck off from your country" I would at least hope that you'd make a righteous move while she's single since you're going through great lengths right now to make it seem like this girl did not want to be with you just because of him. If you don't then she's just going to get another boyfriend.
    i dont even want to think if she is flirting or not(i usually need to make some kind of deep analysis to notice if someone is flirting or not unless its really obvious and there cant be any other reasons for what she is doing), but when i saw her the last time AARGH(this kind of thoughts please leave out of my head), lets just assume that she is just being friendly, because she most likely is.

    i posted something to your reputation thing(dont bump that please)

    yea i know you were kidding, but you wouldnt believe how many times i have dreamed about beating this guy up, but i wont because he really seems like a nice guy and im not really a violent person and i know it would just make things worse.

    the thing is that she knows about my feelings and even if she was single i have most likely scared her away for good with having too strong feelings(whats up with that anyways girls? ). i dont understand why you think im trying to make it seem that she would be with me if she wasnt with him, because even i dont believe it, im pretty sure i blew this thing even if she used to be interested. but like a tapeworm said, its good to live in Hope
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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  6. #26
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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  7. #27
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    ISFJ guy here, thought I'd add some thoughts...

    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    okay so heres the deal. i have a huge crush to this girl who's boyfriend is most likely an isfj.i was late on telling her about my feelings(as usual) and i told her about my feelings the next day i heard that they started dating, things(me) got messy for about 10 months and this time i didnt see neither of them(by my choice), but i texted to this girl for some time after that and i later heard that the guy got pretty jealous. the guy left the country for about 2 months and in that time i started hanging out in same group(she is friend of about all of my real friends) again. now the guy is back and doesent want me around, because some time ago before he left the country my friend accidentally invited him to same place that i was going to and i told my friend to tell him not to come or i wont come, so my friend told him that he cant come. he said to this friend of mine that he is pissed off at me because i didnt want him to come there. but the reason that i didnt want him to come was because i didnt want anything to do with this girl back then.
    (Emphasis mine)

    Firstly, right of the bat, I need to make you aware of something. I don't know if other ISFJ males are like this but I know I am and it's possible that this guy is as well BUT when it comes to relationships (and indeed a great many other things) we have "codes of conduct", rules of behavior that we believe are "appropriate" and that govern ourselves by. One of these said rules is that when a woman that I am interested in begins dating or is with someone, I show no romantic interest in her AT ALL. Reason being? It's rude. To me it is inappropriate to try and "steal" someone else's girlfriend as that is an insult to her and to the gentleman in question.

    Conversely, when I am with someone, I consider it a personal insult when a guy that is fully aware of my relationship with this woman tries to make a move on to her. As such, it sounds to me like you just made one HELL of a bad impression with this dude as you made the (idiotic) mistake of deciding to tell this girl how you felt about her the day after you found out they were dating. Even if that wasn't your intent, I think that's probably what it was construed as on his side.

    Either way, bad form dude, bad form!

    Now then, in response to the rest of the paragraph: It could be that he's jealous or it could something more mundane, that he was being truthful, and he just plain doesn't like you. You telling your friend at the social event that if "he comes then I won't" just added a load of fuel to the fire. Honestly, I think he just doesn't like you (if I were in his situation, *I* wouldn't like you a whole hell of a lot either).

    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    i dont know what he has told the reason is to this girl, but what he told to my friend sounds like bullshit excuse to me and i bet he is just jealous.
    He very well could be. Being that he travels outside the country and considering your feelings toward his woman and how poorly things have developed thus far, I know *I* would be concerned. Not about her, mind you, but about YOU.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    so my question is that is this guy really that sensitive and retarded or is he just using this as an excuse keeping me away from his girlfriend?
    In my humble opinion he just doesn't like you and is unfortunately forgetting that it's not really his choice as to whether or not she hangs out with you, it's hers. It sounds to me like the lady whose found herself caught in the middle of this needs to bitch-smack the both of you because you're both making an ass of yourselves.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    also if this is an excuse i wonder if he is telling this bullshit to this girl also to control the situation while hide his insecurities. or to make this a valid question, would isfj's hide their insecurities from their SO and try to manipulate situations like this?
    To the first part: It could be, and see my answer about

    To your question: Depending on the quality of the relationship, I know I will hide my insecurities at first as I'm deathly afraid that if I do, I'll ruin the relationship before it takes off. Could I be manipulative in the fashion that this guy has been? Sure, I wouldn't put it past me, but I would hope that the woman I chose to be with would see this mound of horseshit for what it is and would beat the stuffing out of me so being so stupid.

    Bottom line: I think he's acting like an idiot as he has no right to tell his girlfriend who she can and can not hang out with and you're acting like an idiot as you have to accept that this her boyfriend, HER MAN, and that if you want her to still be in your life then you need to dislodge your head from your Andy-Kaufman-hindparts and accept the unfun truth that he's going to have to be a part of it as well.

    Myq question to you now is: Where do you want things to go from here? Do you still wish to remain friends with her so long as she is with him? If so, then it would be in your best interest to try and smooth things over with this guy as something you need to consider is that this lady friend of yours could have very serious feelings for him and your continued antagonism toward him could end up damaging your friendship with her, possibly even ending it.

    If however you can not see yourself getting past any ill feelings toward him or if the idea of continuing to have to deal with him is unpleasant, then I hope you can accept the potential consequences that I mentioned above.

    I hope I provided some insight, if you have any questions, let me know.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

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