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  1. #1
    GirlAmerica
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    Default SJ's handling stress

    How do you deal with stress?
    (with an emphasis on emotional stress with ISTJ's)


    Thanks in advance!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Hirsch63's Avatar
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    I tend to internalize it...then it can express itself in passive/agressive behavior....Aviodance or the silent treatment. I realized over the last few years that almost all of my stress was self-inflicted due to my own expectations of the conduct of others. This is of course unsupportable. But I also expend a lot of energy trying to foresee and control outcomes ostensibly to avoid the stress that a "bad" outcome might bring. And the stress of appearing incompetent.

    How do I deal with it once I am experiencing it? I must admit that I find it challenging to just shake it off. Reading something familiar, studying decorative arts or cooking an old recipe tend to distract me somewhat. being alone...with no demands on my time, I find that helpful. This of course can be inconvenient for a partner to deal with. I find others sometimes mistakenly believe that I am angry with them if while I am under stress I do not react in a way that they find appropiate. This simply compounds the stress, which is why I like to be alone while I am dealing with it.

    At work I am very straight-forward with co-workers or clients about what I will do and what I expect. If there is a reason for stress, I bring it up for discussion and resolution. If I find someone being simply unreasonable, I just shut down the interaction. I either walk away or am unresponsive while they blow off whatever steam it is that they have built up. I will not waste energy coddling an idiot; it is a losing proposition.

    Another way to deal with it is this website. Careful reflection on the comments of others here. Thanks for the question, GA
    Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings...Steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you a king

  3. #3
    GirlAmerica
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    thank you Hirsch!

    I have a question then.......if questions are asked (during emotional stress) and you dont answer them....what does that mean?

  4. #4
    Senior Member Hirsch63's Avatar
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    It usually means that I am analyzing the situation, trying to cope...being questioned is like an unwanted knocking at your door when you are absorbed in important work. It is usually done by someone trying to be helpful or understand my mood. But it isn't and I wish I could give you a definitive "Why"...It is like someone throwing icy cold water on my back or nails on a blackboard. I am so twisted up in rationalizing my situation that it is almost a trance of sorts and anything that derails my train of thought is an unpleasant shock. It is true that I am probably driven by stress into a sort of tunnel vision that prevents me from seeing the larger picture, which is ironic because I think that is what I always try to do! Hah.

    My reactions aren't meant to be a personal attack...my energies are so absorbed in thought that I have little left for the veneer of civility. If a question is asked of me...I usually don't forget it, I just tuck it away for later consideration. Sometimes I feel as if I want to say "can't you see I am trying to concentrate?"
    Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings...Steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you a king

  5. #5
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hirsch63 View Post
    It usually means that I am analyzing the situation, trying to cope...being questioned is like an unwanted knocking at your door when you are absorbed in important work. It is usually done by someone trying to be helpful or understand my mood. But it isn't and I wish I could give you a definitive "Why"...It is like someone throwing icy cold water on my back or nails on a blackboard. I am so twisted up in rationalizing my situation that it is almost a trance of sorts and anything that derails my train of thought is an unpleasant shock. It is true that I am probably driven by stress into a sort of tunnel vision that prevents me from seeing the larger picture, which is ironic because I think that is what I always try to do! Hah.

    My reactions aren't meant to be a personal attack...my energies are so absorbed in thought that I have little left for the veneer of civility. If a question is asked of me...I usually don't forget it, I just tuck it away for later consideration. Sometimes I feel as if I want to say "can't you see I am trying to concentrate?"
    This might be an IJ thing, actually. Except I don't refuse to answer the questions by ignoring them, I usually dismiss them in an annoyed manner with, "Not now, okay!?" because I can't tune anything out, and then I have to start my train of thought all over again.

    We might need to hear from ES_J's to see if it's really an SJ quality.

  6. #6
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Well said Hirsch. I usually withdraw for a little while when I am stressed out emotionally...and yeah, the passive aggressive thing can happen. Emotional stress is by far harder to deal with than job/school/coworker stress because I can easily be objective in those other situations whereas the whole emotional side kind of ruins my objectivity.

    If someone asks me questions about my emotional stress it is likely that I will tell them everything (Granted, I am female...I can't speak for males). I internalize things until I am asked...but once I have been asked then it's kind of like emotional diarrhea coming out all at once (sorry about that imagery).

    However, if I choose to not answer the questions it is usually because I am still trying to sort things out in my head and I don't want to say something that I will later regret. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone I love, so sometimes that just requires staying silent for a little while until I can reasonably approach the topic.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Hirsch63's Avatar
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    Recoleta, I am in complete agreement. I have no trouble discussing my feelings frankly if asked. and sometimes the dam will burst a bit for this male as well...with those that I trust...
    Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings...Steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you a king

  8. #8
    Luctor et emergo Ezra's Avatar
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    I normally manage to control it, but sometimes people attribute my anger to stress.

  9. #9
    Senior Member girlnamedbless's Avatar
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    I keep it all bottled in for the most part. Figure it'll go away with time.
    I bet they'll put something in the air tonight, just to light your face.

  10. #10
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    In stressful situations, I usually exert myself physically- exercise or play sports. Occasionally, I've been known to yell at people but generally I like to keep the peace.

    I also verbalize my stress- so that people will know exactly what I find stressful- which of course, might stress other people out occasionally.

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