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  1. #21
    Senior Member Hirsch63's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
    ...When the orders came pilling in, I turned more quiet, concentrated and my speed of service went up. Then I prefer clear to the point communication, actually that is the same for all work-related issues. Things that really caused unrest was working with incompetent or lazy people. Somehow management always choose to put them under my wing, since I would ultimately do their job too (without complaining).

    Things I really hate is my tendency to complain about others in my personal circle. Somehow it is a good way to let stress out, but I feel that it makes me look weak. People could think that, if I say these things about someone else, maybe I would say the same about them. I always tell myself not to complain, but when things stress me out I just need to let go. I think it is far more worthy to talk about others in a good sense and to keep negative opinions to yourself.
    Dizzy, I identify with this completely, I could have actually written it myself. For what it is worth, I know where you're coming from. I dislike losing my composure to the point that I begin just venting about others, justifiable or not...and then when I am through I feel self-indulgent and rude. I'm not always perfect (well, never perfect..I strive for reliably competent) yet when I sound off I must come across as a real perfectionist jerk.

    I enjoy a little controlled chaos too...similar to your hectic kitchen, where you can bring your well-practiced skills into full usage in a dynamic environment...it is very close to what I imagine joy is. To have the process interrupted and the rythms of work encumbered by things beyond our control I find extremely agitating.
    Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings...Steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you a king

  2. #22
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    My sister is an ISTJ, and she is big on venting. She'll either call me or her best friend, and just get as mad as she wants to, and we understand that it's not personal. (She can't do this with my mom, as my mom will only hear the anger and take it personally.) When she was younger, she used to be really rigid in her thinking, and she'd have something planned out the way she wanted, and if something was "off," she'd blow up and say really hurtful things. And then she'd get over it, and it was like nothing ever happened, but the people around her would remember. She's matured since then, thank goodness.

    Part of it for her was changing her way of thinking a bit...not changing her personality, mind you. Just realizing that her expectations of people were unrealistic and liable to cause her stress. (I.e., expecting people to read her mind or follow her plans without question) I don't know what the source of stress is for the OP, though.

    I think another thing (that I've noticed, anyway) for SJs is learning how to say "no." Duty is one thing, but if it causes you stress, it's not helping anyone. No one is going to suddenly hate you because you told them you didn't have time to do their project.

    Another thing that works for my sister and another ISTJ friend is planning in advance to be spontaneous. Sounds weird, but it makes sense. If they know in advance that they'll be around people who like to be looser in terms of scheduling, etc., they can put themselves in that mindset. But if they go into a situation with a solid plan, they are going to be stressed if they're not following it.

  3. #23
    Member Dizzy's Avatar
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    Default Spontaneous weekends

    Not everyting in my life has to be planned, but somehow it turns out that way. I could tell you today, my activities for the next two weeks. Sometimes I tell myself ok that weekend I am not going to plan any activities and I will just decide upon that week what to do. Unfortunately it never gets that far. Somehow I am afraid that if I don't make appointments with my friends or acquintances, they will have other plans by the time I decide to contact them.

    Ohw and about the kitchen part, cooking is my passion, so for me it is all joy. I thrive on the tempo and busy nights. A lot of people say ISTJs are not creative, but I don't think that is true. I can figure out concepts/approaches in business, create dishes in the restaurants. I do recognize that the things that I come up with are based on previous gathered data (I have a huge collection of cooking books), but not necessarily presented in the same way. Call it connecting the dots.

  4. #24
    Order Now! pure_mercury's Avatar
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    I don't keep things bottled up. I like to express myself no matter what I am feeling. If it's totally inappropriate, then I just remove myself from the situation. Sometimes I drink, sometimes I sleep (sleeping, if possible, is a great way to relieve stress). But I try to live a fairly stress-free lifestyle and I get exercise regularly now, eat a good diet, am sober 99% of the time. I also write (a screenplay that is taking forever, and songs and poems), and it's way easier to write darker, more emotionally messed-up things than super-happy stuff.
    Who wants to try a bottle of merc's "Extroversion Olive Oil?"

  5. #25
    Senior Member "?"'s Avatar
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    Here are some synopses:
    Many try to bend the facts to fit their preconceived notions or plans. Others are a flurry of activity, being busy for the sake of being busy, without actually accomplishing much. Some ESTJs turn their attention inward, doubting themselves, their authority, and competence. Stress can cause ESTJs to become aggressive, demanding, and dictatorial. Still others focus on accomplishing tasks at all costs. Finally, ESTJs can become extremely sensitive to rejection, or ruminate about past mistakes.

    What can cause this stress for ESTJs? First and foremost, having their authority challenged. Many ESTJs struggle to deal with emotional outbursts, particularly their own. If an ESTJ believes someone has overlooked an obvious "fact" and is being illogical, they will likely feel stress. Sometimes ESTJs cannot contain their anger inside and can lash out at others, becoming rather sarcastic and arrogant in an attempt to belittle others. Other times ESTJs have trouble dealing with ambiguous situations.
    ESFJs react differently to stress. Some become rather unrealistic and unfocused, turning critical of themselves and others. They can start the "blame game," looking for people who are at fault for whatever problem is at hand. Other ESFJs lose their easy-going ways and become quite demanding. Others act the part of the martyr, complaining about all they have done to help and the lack of recognition for their efforts. Some ESFJs become extremely cautious, unwilling to take any risk. Still others tenaciously stay in situations that are comfortable to them, even if no longer appropriate.

    What can cause this stress for ESFJs? One key stressor is seeing others get hurt or becoming emotional. Others feel stress when their well-meaning intentions to help others are misinterpreted or misjudged. If an ESFJ feels his or her loyalty is being taken advantage of, they can experience stress. When others challenge the ESFJ's beliefs, stress can result. ESFJs often dislike people who play the devil's advocate, or argue both sides of an issue to make sure all points are considered. Still other ESFJs dislike conflict so much they do as much as possible to end it, hoping to avoid unpleasantness, which might be impossible.
    Some things to watch for include being very pessimistic, thoughtless and impulsive, and withdrawing from interaction with others. Other ISTJs might lack focus and appear confused about what to do next, or they might constantly present fact after fact, overwhelming others. Still others might lose their ability to set priorities, or begin to ruminate about problems.

    Events that can cause this stress to appear can include people who are wasting their time talking too much, especially about personal matters. If there is no follow through on decisions that have been made, some ISTJs can get frustrated. Many of them dislike having to do things on the spur of the moment, without preparation or time to reflect on the best course of action. Few appreciate those who challenge their authority. Once they can resolve the outstanding issues, most can return to their normal style.
    How can you tell when an ISFJ is under stress, particularly at work? Some things to watch for include being overly cautious, getting angry at people who are late or unprepared, pessimism, and frustration when others fail to follow the rules. Some ISFJs turn into martyrs, complaining they do all the work for others and no one helps or cares about the ISFJ. Others can become rather unrealistic in their expectations about what can be done. Usually, they are quite the opposite in this regard.

    Events that can cause stress to surface can include a lack of balance between home and work, being teased or ridiculed by others, and disruption of their routines, which often give ISFJs a sense of belonging, comfort, and stability. When the ISFJ's version of common sense is ignored, particularly in favor of wild ideas, many of them will experience stress. Many ISFJs are people pleasers, and they feel stress when they believe they are unable to please everyone all the time. ISFJs tend to want to avoid conflict, which itself can lead to stress. Just thinking about conflict can make them feel ill.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hirsch63 View Post

    It is very difficult to forego "alone time". If I am compelled to plough forward despite my reluctance I try to push through and do, most of the time...but it adds up to a "stress debt" so-to-speak...that can manifest itself in poor sleeping or indecisiveness. It is simply a "bill" that must be paid sometime.
    .
    This is very similar to my ISFJ boyfriend. I also feel like if he doesn't get his alone time, then the "stress debt" grows larger & never really goes away even if I think we've resolved the problem. After a bit, he'll explode with things I didn't realize where still bothering him. From my point of view, I think his naturally passive nature plays a role in the "stress debt" developing, but he's not the most open person to hearing that point of view. I feel that if he would be more direct about his alone time & what is bothering him, then he'll be more likely to get what he needs. I feel he expects people to mind read a little with his alone time & the only way his needs get expressed are through his reactions. Do you feel this also happens with you?

    He also gets really indecisive and even more passive than normal when stressed. Normally, he likes to have plans ahead of time but when he's upset or stressed, he'll start saying things like "Maybe", "Who knows", and refusing to commit to plans.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post

    Things I really hate is my tendency to complain about others in my personal circle. Somehow it is a good way to let stress out, but I feel that it makes me look weak. People could think that, if I say these things about someone else, maybe I would say the same about them. I always tell myself not to complain, but when things stress me out I just need to let go. I think it is far more worthy to talk about others in a good sense and to keep negative opinions to yourself.
    Both my ISFJ boyfriend and I do this when we're stressed. We probably seem really catty to others (haha), but we tend to just do it with one another. However, he's more "gossipy" than I am, whereas I'm more inclined to analyze their behavior to pieces.

  8. #28
    This is a test. Sil's Avatar
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    Self-induced stress: once I'm aware I'm doing it, I step back, look at the bigger picture, and shrug it off as best I can.

    Stress induced by others: flip the fuck out and get these people out of my sight.

    Stress induced by situations: recognize what I do and don't have control over and just keep doing what I can. Largely ignore stress or thoughts/fears brought on by it.

  9. #29
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    Handling stress? You mean crying and throwing tempur tantrums alone in your room and reverting to childlike behavior until the problem goes away on its own? I'm super good at that.
    MBTI: ESFJ
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    not a type description
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  10. #30
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Self-induced - Immediately stop doing it. This was a bigger problem when I was younger.

    Induced by others - Eliminate that stress by either a) saying something to the person or b) removing myself and/or them from the situation.

    Situational stress - I'm better here. I take breaks when I need them and plow ahead.

    I don't like venting, that isn't something that makes me feel better. I probably internalize some but far less than in the past. I address it at the source, at the time whenever possible.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

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