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  1. #11
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlnamedbless View Post
    I keep it all bottled in for the most part. Figure it'll go away with time.
    ditto

  2. #12
    Junior Member Spartan's Avatar
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    I like to do something I enjoy for a while. If that doesn't relieve the stress I'll do what work I can to diminish it.
    "Move swiftly."

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hirsch63 View Post
    I tend to internalize it...then it can express itself in passive/agressive behavior....Aviodance or the silent treatment. I realized over the last few years that almost all of my stress was self-inflicted due to my own expectations of the conduct of others. This is of course unsupportable. But I also expend a lot of energy trying to foresee and control outcomes ostensibly to avoid the stress that a "bad" outcome might bring. And the stress of appearing incompetent.

    How do I deal with it once I am experiencing it? I must admit that I find it challenging to just shake it off. Reading something familiar, studying decorative arts or cooking an old recipe tend to distract me somewhat. being alone...with no demands on my time, I find that helpful. This of course can be inconvenient for a partner to deal with. I find others sometimes mistakenly believe that I am angry with them if while I am under stress I do not react in a way that they find appropiate. This simply compounds the stress, which is why I like to be alone while I am dealing with it.
    Nice insight into the SJ process -- this seems very similar to how my ISFJ husband reacts to stress. Making sure he gets some uninterrupted time each evening to "do his thing" seems to help. (I used to get confounded by this, because his unwinding by stomping about the house taking care of things looked to me like a problem to solve. Did it really take 45 minutes to take out the garbage and clean the cat poop? Could I make life less stressful for him by figuring out why he seemed so burdened by these household activities? Til I finally got it that these were excuses to escape into his own world for a while which he clearly needs but won't always allow himself unless it is characterized as "work".) How did you come to be so self-aware, down to understanding how you are apt to create your own stress? How does the tendency to require time AFTER to process things affect your ability to deal in the here-and-now? (i.e., can you ever apply the self-awareness in an immediate sense to dial back the stress and change your behavior, and if so are there tools you use that help you do this?)

  4. #14
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I find it fascinating is how we're stressed out by different things - how something that one person takes in their stride causes another to hyperventilate, and it doesn't seem to be purely down to life experience and how 'equipped' the person is by experience to handle the stress.

    For example, my sister (ISFJ) gets very stressed out by simply being in an unfamiliar place, or by something not going as she planned or expected, whilst to me those things count as 'pleasant surprises'; meanwhile Hirsch's list of things to do to chill out reads to me like a list of things that'd be likely to cause stress for me!!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  5. #15
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    I'd like to propose these specific questions about SJs and stress:

    My questions:
    • What kind of behaviors do you exhibit when stressed?
    • How is your normal mode of thinking altered when stressed?
    • How do you deal with stress?
    • What kinds of things stress you out?

  6. #16
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    What kind of behaviors do you exhibit when stressed?
    I usually try to get away from people and seek out solitude. If I am forced to be around people I become irritated much more easily than I normally would. If I am in the company of my family or those I trust I'll start complaining to them (sometimes excessively) about whatever is stressing me out. If I am in the company of strangers or people I am not close to I just remain silent and just mull over my thoughts in my head. I often grind/gnash my teeth unknowingly and won't notice until my jaw starts to hurt. Chewing gum is handy for such circumstances. My mind is in overdrive so if someone tries to tell me something or have a conversation with me when I'm stressed I generally won't listen or understand what they are saying to me...even if it's not intentional.

    How is your normal mode of thinking altered when stressed?
    When I am very stressed out, my mind never stops thinking about the problem/stressor. I can try to push it out of my mind for a little bit, but for the most part, the stress is always there in the back of my thoughts "poking" at me. For me, 99% of the time I never have dreams when I sleep...and if I do dream, I never remember them...it's just blackness and then I wake up. I only dream when I am stressed out, and usually my dream involves the thing that is stressing me out (which sucks, because then I can't even escape when I am asleep). I very, very rarely have "good dreams" -- they're always stressful or bad (how much of a bummer is that!?)

    How do you deal with stress?
    I go for a run or do something kinesthetic to distract me...usually until I'm exhausted which will allow me to get some sleep. I might eat junk or comfort food to relax me. Sometimes I just bury myself under the covers of my bed and sleep it off because I figure I can't do anything about a problem unless I am well-rested. Or I come here and read threads to procrastinate...because it's kind of like socializing, but not really.

    What kinds of things stress you out?
    - Constant obligations to people/work and the inability to say "no" to someone who asks for help.
    - Being late for something important, getting lost in an unfamiliar place when I am by myself (especially if it's dark outside), making meticulous plans and having them completely fall through
    - Having more work on my plate than I can handle -- so having to pick and choose what to do and what not to do when I know I should be getting it all done.
    - Inconsistency and laziness in others that causes me to have to pick up the slack for them
    - Grad school and my 2 jobs (May 3rd can not come quickly enough for me)

  7. #17
    Senior Member Hirsch63's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crandolph View Post
    Nice insight into the SJ process -- this seems very similar to how my ISFJ husband reacts to stress. Making sure he gets some uninterrupted time each evening to "do his thing" seems to help. (I used to get confounded by this, because his unwinding by stomping about the house taking care of things looked to me like a problem to solve. Did it really take 45 minutes to take out the garbage and clean the cat poop? Could I make life less stressful for him by figuring out why he seemed so burdened by these household activities? Til I finally got it that these were excuses to escape into his own world for a while which he clearly needs but won't always allow himself unless it is characterized as "work".) How did you come to be so self-aware, down to understanding how you are apt to create your own stress? How does the tendency to require time AFTER to process things affect your ability to deal in the here-and-now? (i.e., can you ever apply the self-awareness in an immediate sense to dial back the stress and change your behavior, and if so are there tools you use that help you do this?)
    Thank you. I understand your hubby...wish I could help you there. The self awareness that I have gained is due largely to what may be called a "mid-life-existential crisis". It took some therapy, pharmaceuticals and careful reconstruction of the accident scene to see my own SJ tendencies were at the root of much of my personal train wreck. There was a significant period of part time jobs and unemployment where I closed down into myself and just reflected. It happens to a lot of men...this was just my version.

    It is very difficult to forego "alone time". If I am compelled to plough forward despite my reluctance I try to push through and do, most of the time...but it adds up to a "stress debt" so-to-speak...that can manifest itself in poor sleeping or indecisiveness. It is simply a "bill" that must be paid sometime.

    I try to focus on the moment, and the immediate needs of the situation to distract me from my strong desire to withdraw...during this time, I am not too sure that I am at my best and may be projecting an awkward image that does not reflect well on those who depend on me. This stresses me out more, so I need more alone time.

    Trying to correct these tendencies and overcome their destructive power is how I stumbled across MBTI and such...It seemed like an ideal tool for recognizing, labelling and managing my "preferences" and a window into my often distorted views of others. So now I watch and learn and try to re-forge what is left to me into a meaningful life.
    Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings...Steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you a king

  8. #18
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    For example, my sister (ISFJ) gts very stressed out by simply being in an unfamiliar place, or by something not going as she planned or expected, whilst to me those things count as 'pleasant surprises'; meanwhile Hirsch's list of things to do to chill out reads to me like a list of things that'd be likely to cause stress for me!!
    Yeah, same lol
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  9. #19
    Senior Member Hirsch63's Avatar
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    Well, those things I listed are sort of like a form of "exercise" routine...they are familiar, and in doing them I feel a sense of comfortable control over my immediate situation. I go through those long familiar motions and regain my sense of focus working outward through the routine. All I can suppose is that a chaotic youth makes me yearn for stability.

    Look, I'm trying to learn how to treat (ha, I actually mis-typed "threat" where treat is...)the unanticipated as a friendly suprise...really! I read a lot of good, well reasoned advice from Subtitutes posts...and reading his reaction to mine is one of those things I came to MBTICentral for, perspective. I respect Subs opinion so now knowing this, I am going to try to address these issues with more focus. Thanks!
    Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings...Steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you a king

  10. #20
    Member Dizzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    What kind of behaviors do you exhibit when stressed?
    I usually try to get away from people and seek out solitude. If I am forced to be around people I become irritated much more easily than I normally would. If I am in the company of my family or those I trust I'll start complaining to them (sometimes excessively) about whatever is stressing me out. If I am in the company of strangers or people I am not close to I just remain silent and just mull over my thoughts in my head. I often grind/gnash my teeth unknowingly and won't notice until my jaw starts to hurt. Chewing gum is handy for such circumstances. My mind is in overdrive so if someone tries to tell me something or have a conversation with me when I'm stressed I generally won't listen or understand what they are saying to me...even if it's not intentional.

    [
    Although I am quite stress resistant, sometime things get to me. I have long worked part-time as a cook and I really loved the busy nights. When the orders came pilling in, I turned more quiet, concentrated and my speed of service went up. Then I prefer clear to the point communication, actually that is the same for all work-related issues. Things that really caused unrest was working with incompetent or lazy people. Somehow management always choose to put them under my wing, since I would ultimately do their job too (without complaining).

    Things I really hate is my tendency to complain about others in my personal circle. Somehow it is a good way to let stress out, but I feel that it makes me look weak. People could think that, if I say these things about someone else, maybe I would say the same about them. I always tell myself not to complain, but when things stress me out I just need to let go. I think it is far more worthy to talk about others in a good sense and to keep negative opinions to yourself.

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