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Thread: Ask me, I know!

  1. #11
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leanne_92 View Post
    In view of the ISTJ reluctance to commit without knowing what they're committing to, is it possible that an ISTJ will consider casual relationships e.g. friends with benefits, one-night-stands?
    It's true that ISTJs are not your usual candidates for having said relationships, as they tend to elevate loyalty, dependability and trust above all else. Generally speaking, ISTJs tend to be happier with exclusive kind of relationships.

    Because of their aspect of loyalty and trust, they tend to be very literal with their promises, even to a point of being completely silly. But that's because we ISTJs tend to build our world on rules and agreements. As we are IJ people, we are natural control freaks and easily become terrified when things become irregular, inpredictable and undependable. By fully committing ourselves to whatever we hold dear in our lives, we try to stabilize our world so that we would always have the most important things with us should things go bad. This is one of the reason why casual relationships do not suit us ISTJs well.

    However, ISTJs who have embraced their Se side more can actually enjoy casual relationships without much commitment. This may be because they are readier to react at unexpected things and do not feel need to safeguard their lives as much as less Se ISTJs.

    Quote Originally Posted by Leanne_92 View Post
    If you're attracted to someone but are afraid to invest, are you likely to make a move at all?
    It would be very understandable of an ISTJ to pass the opportunity because of being afraid of a failure and loss of investment. ISTJs, like many other IJs, are future-oriented (yes, ISTJs actually continously plan the future) and place great importance on the successfulness of their investments. ISTJs might not be willing to invest in relationships that are not going to last. They might even forget about the whole thing if they knew the relationship would end in a given time (returning to a home land, for an example).

    However, ISTJs are also ready to invest in to their future and are very stubborn on not giving up easily.

    Best case scenario: their commitment will hold true, no matter what.

    Worst case scenario: they become clingy and refuse to let it go, even to a point where emotional (and sometimes even physical) pain is evident.

    But one of the sins of an ISTJ is passiveness. The seem to be prone passing opportunities over taking risks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Leanne_92 View Post
    If you end up in a casual relationship, are you likely to regret it or hate yourself after?
    That's a very possible consequence. ISTJs may become clingy, or even angry after the relationship. They might blame themself, or the other, for being 'lost' or 'messed up'. ISTJs are one of the worst types to handle ending of a relationship, dominantly due to their appreciation of loyalty.

    I hope you are happy with these answers... and now I have a question for you: Who is he, and why are you afraid of a serious relationship with him?
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  2. #12
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    do ISTJs get pissed off when they're working towards a goal and not seeing satisfactory progress, even though they should know that it's a slow goal to attain?
    Who wouldn't be?

    As mentioned above, ISTJs believe in commitment. What might get them pissed off in a group effort, are free riders and people not committing enough.

    Of course, ISTJs rarely express their feelings to other people as they rather try to supress them and keep on working. But over time they would get stressed for doing so, and might get grumpy at inefficiency of others.

    ISTJs are result-oriented, rather than process-oriented, so they are likely to enjoy seeing the result of their work. But they also treat their work as duty, and fulfilling their duty (regardless of the pace of results) can be a source of great satisfaction for them.

    ISTJs, as Te-users, have ability to digest and process large projects. They are not easily terrified by the amount of work to do, atleast if they are able to keep account for their progress. Having the narrow vision they have (as opposed to the visionary views of Ne) they are able to 'hide' themselves from the paralyzing effect of the heap of work that's yet to be done.

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I think mine's getting pissy over that
    Maybe she/he is angry at herself/himself for not being able to work as hard as it would be required... or that she/he feels not contributing enough to earn her/his place.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  3. #13
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Can the question be about anything, not just ISTJ-related??
    You can ask about anything you'd like to hear me answering.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  4. #14
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    true... like is aged rum an adequate substitute for vanilla when making cookies?
    Is aged rum good for anything at all? I say it's a terrible waste of perfectly good water. Vanilla for cookies!

    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    I want to see 25-50% closer to a full recovery each week, when in reality, my doctors and family keep having to remind me it's a 1-2% closer to recovery each week.

    It's driving me nuts. I just want to get back to being productive, but it's an intensely long journey.
    This is a view I forgot to mention. ISTJs are suckers for progress, productivity and efficiency, big-time! Anything that would hinder this, can easily be seen as frustrating.

    Sometimes when I'm seeing progress, it can drive me to over-do the whole thing. For example, when I noticed I lost few pounds for tweaking up my daily diet, I went straightly for Atkins and kept doing that for some weeks. I lost several pounds more and felt very energic and thought "Man, I'm gonna go carbless for good!"

    It's crazy how impatient we can get when it comes to progress..
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  5. #15
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I have yet to witness an ISTJ go on an emotional rant about anything that angers them... I occasionally wonder if it ever happens
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  6. #16
    Junior Member Leanne_92's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    I hope you are happy with these answers... and now I have a question for you: Who is he, and why are you afraid of a serious relationship with him?
    ah haaa... I was so not prepared for a question to come back at me

    what you've just said about ISTJs fits quite well with the understanding I've gained of them by reading this board. which makes me feel like the ISTJ I know is somewhat of an anomaly (or maybe I just don't understand as much as I think I do...)

    long story short, we've been friends for almost a year. I was ready to date him from the beginning, but he said no. his answer was a little vague even for me but I feel that he didn't see it going anywhere. I decided to be cool with that... so the friendship went on, with us keeping in contact every single day, even when he went overseas on frequent trips.

    recently, he came back from another trip, we flirted heavily over email, went to his house as usual (note: we USUALLY don't do anything of -that- sort) but this time we slept together. even though he made the first move, it seemed to be a shock for him, to the point where he said we must never do this again and that it felt wrong. then there came a brief period of us not talking at all but he emailed me and the friendship seems to be back on track.

    right now we're emailing every day about what's happening in our lives, but it makes me wonder.

    what exactly does he think of this whole situation? doesn't he find it weird?

    I know the best solution is to talk to him instead of posting on a message board, but I'm quite shy, and frankly so is he.

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