[ISTJ] ISTJ & Family attachment

[2XtremeENFP]

so...do ISTJs/Have you ISTJs had problems detaching from their family? Once you move out and/or get married, do you have issues breaking that bond?

 

[miss fortune]

mine's an orphan, so the answer there is no

 

[Donna Cecilia]

I live with my family, and I have a strong emotional detachment from them. Don´t ask why, it´s just hard to explain.

No wonder what will happen when I leave home. I think I won´t have any problems, since I haven´t developed any kind of emotional dependence to them.

In fact, I had been eight months away form home due to work two years ago, and, I phoned home about four times. And one e-mail per month.

 

[IZthe411]

Can't say that I'm so attached that I can't leave them.

I remember when I moved out my parent's house. I was 26. They knew I was going to buy my aunt's house from my cousin, so when my uncle moved out, I came home that Sunday night and told my parents that I was moving out.

My dad said something like 'We didn't talk about this', but didn't push the issue.

I didn't think anything of it back then, but I guess it was in my head that I was moving, and the time came. Since I rarely if ever vocalized it, I can see them being shocked at my announcement.

Looking back on it, my exit should have been discussed a little more.

 

[Habba]

so...do ISTJs/Have you ISTJs had problems detaching from their family? Once you move out and/or get married, do you have issues breaking that bond?

I'm sorry, but I think you got us mixed up with ISFJs.

I don't think that ISTJs are really that attached to their families. We are more prone to be attached to our workplaces. I think.

 

[Rainne]

I'm sorry, but I think you got us mixed up with ISFJs.

I don't think that ISTJs are really that attached to their families. We are more prone to be attached to our workplaces. I think.

"Would rather be friendless than jobless"

 

[2XtremeENFP]

I'm sorry, but I think you got us mixed up with ISFJs.

I don't think that ISTJs are really that attached to their families. We are more prone to be attached to our workplaces. I think.

Hmm, interesting. I know the ISTJ is for sure a T, without a doubt, haha, but he definitely values family, and is a very, very, very hardwork, but he wouldn't EVER be caught dead putting in more hours at the office than he needed to...

So, if we were to say that this particular ISTJ is ... as I see it... a little unhealthily attached to his family, is there MBTI reasons, or do you think he's just a small minority?

 

[Habba]

Of course there's this "I can't abandon them"-mindset we ISTJs have. When we get attached to something, we do it fully... and beyond that.

For example, this ISTJ might be feeling obligated to participate whatever the family is doing, and feels guilty if he's not able to do so. Many ISTJs define themselves by reflecting on how much others are willing to depend on them.

I for one do not have very deep emotional attachment towards my family, but nevertheless I will always feel that I'm obligated to help any member of the family the best of my ability. Currently my elderly brother is residing with me... practically for free.

But what's your (/ENFP's) definition of "a little unhealthy" attachment to a family?

 

[2XtremeENFP]

For example, this ISTJ might be feeling obligated to participate whatever the family is doing, and feels guilty if he's not able to do so. Many ISTJs define themselves by reflecting on how much others are willing to depend on them.

This sounds familiar, i think he LOVES family tradition SO much, and if he doesn't participate, he is sad that he's missing out.

I for one do not have very deep emotional attachment towards my family...

What is your family's types? Would you be more attached if they were all ISTJs?

But what's your (/ENFP's) definition of "a little unhealthy" attachment to a family?

Well, this ISTJ is well over the age of liking/wanting to hang out with his parents (late 20s). I believe that he would rather hang out with his family more than his friends, and yes, sometimes I feel like I am in competition with his mom (think Everybody Loves Raymond, but not quite that extreme, and he ENJOYS/WANTS to hang out with his family, and does not find them overbearing).

He takes off work to go on family vacations, and finds no problem with it, as long as he can afford to go on the trips. he even said one time that once he gets married, he thinks it would be "weird" not waking up and opening up gifts with his family on Christmas morning.

He's moved out before, but came home every weekend to spend time with his family.


Is this unhealthy or am I just too worried?

 

[Moiety]

Unhealhty? Why would it be unhealthy if it works for him? Some families have tighter bonds than others.

 

[2XtremeENFP]

Unhealhty? Why would it be unhealthy if it works for him? Some families have tighter bonds than others.

Well, there is much more than this...

edit: he also recognizes that he can be too attached sometimes, he does worry how he'll adjust when he moves out of his parents house and has to live entirely on his own.

Which is one of the reasons why I posted this question, I wanted to know if any ISTJs were attached to their families strongly, and how they adapted to moving out and breaking those family traditions ...

 

[MBTI Enthusiast]

I can see where your ISTJ is coming from. I am pretty attached to my family. I love spending time with them and sometimes choose to spend time with them over spending time with my friends. However, I decided to go to college across the country from my parents because I knew that it would be good for me to be away from them and experience life in a different part of the country. We all know it's hard for ISTJs to change, but since I saw it as necessary, I knew I had to follow through with it. I was probably homesick much longer than many others in the same situation... I think it took me a year and a half to get adjusted. Now, I am slowly learning how to get along on my own and I definitely want to be financially independent soon. Usually I go back home for the summers, but this summer I will probably have an internship in another city. I see it as another step to the road to independence that, again, I find necessary. Maybe your ISTJ just hasn't found any reason to change what he is doing.

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

okay from what I can tell, my father is an ISTJ, and he's EXTREMELY attached to his family. VERY VERY attached. I never really understood that. But he's also a workaholic.

 

[2XtremeENFP]

I wanted to add to this, has anyone dated an ISTJ who constantly chooses their family over their significant other? I understand logically that it makes sense, i mean, blood is thicker than water... but how can I sound rational in explaining to him that I feel thrown to the side when it comes to his family?