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[ISFJ] I have this weird problem: ISFJ women.

01011010

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Jun 22, 2008
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I've dated quite a few ISFJ women. They always make me want to pull my hair out. Yet, l'm attracted to them more than the other types. It's like I'm very slow to develop any feelings and even when I do, I rarely show it. ISFJs are generally warm and affectionate people. I know I'm looking for qualities I don't have, within them.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
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I don't get what we do that's so bad. I guess I'm clueless about this.
 

spirilis

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I don't get what we do that's so bad. I guess I'm clueless about this.

I've noticed sometimes there are things that other people do that drive me nuts, make me want to pull my hair out, etc. I'm guessing I do things that annoy people just the same. I guess that's what you're seeing here; a bunch of people complaining about things they've seen other ISFJs do that turn them off. I'm still curious how much of it is verifiably type-related though.
 
Joined
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ENTP
I'll give you an example of what I mean. I was on the train with my girlfriend, sitting in a slack position. In a bitchy tone - so, not jokingly - she told me "You always sit slack you'll look like an homeless person!". I told her "If you think this, get away from this seat, now, and leave this homeless person fucking alone and get yourself somebody else, and let me do whatever I want to do, okay?".
That's like something I'd say, and that's why I could never be with an SJ.
Male SJs don't take kindly to backtalk from their wimmunz.
 

Giggly

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I'm still curious how much of it is verifiably type-related though.


Yeah, that's what I was thinking. A lot of it sounds gender related to me, not necessarily type related.
 

Hang

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75
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INFJ
Perhaps. ISFJ make great parents. They are very loving. I heard that many T males are attracted to this type because some think that they can take advantage of them and get away with it. In some cases they do. I know most ISFJ or ISFP in a relationship that act as a pedestal wife or husband. The spouse would go off doing their business with someone else, then come home without the ISFJ or ISFP knowing.
 

Giggly

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Perhaps. ISFJ make great parents. They are very loving. I heard that many T males are attracted to this type because some think that they can take advantage of them and get away with it. In some cases they do. I know most ISFJ or ISFP in a relationship that act as a pedestal wife or husband. The spouse would go off doing their business with someone else, then come home without the ISFJ or ISFP knowing.

Is that really just an ISFJ/P thing though? I would be REALLY shocked if it is. I thought the whole being a pedestal wife/husband was just a love thing, not a type thing.
 

phoenix13

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Also, I think that type is related to intelligence to some degree. For instance, I'm an INFJ. That means I'm dumber than all the NT's (which I understand and accept), as smart or slightly smarter than most other NF types, can be smarter or dumber than an SJ depending on their age, skill set, and subject. I am smarter than SP's excluding ISTP's, who are sometimes slighter smarter or dumber.

OK, it's easy to think this. I thought this at one point. I can tell you for sure that "intelligence" is NOT equal to cognitive proccess. It may be that certain cognitive processes (ex. Ti + Ne) may tend to attract people to certain subjects (ex. theoretical physics), but it has nothing to say about innate ability. If you suck at math, you suck at math, no matter what cognitive processes you "prefer." (btw, I can offer TONS of "exceptions" to your assertion. Here's one: INFP female best friend is getting her PhD from stanford in physical chemistry.)

Also, intelligence is a loaded term. I've always wondered what people mean when they say they're looking for intelligence in a mate. Does this mean the ability to learn new skills quickly? The ability to store enormous quantities of trivia with minimal effort? The ablilty to memorize entire symphonies after one hearing?

I think you need to think more deeply about what intelligence is, and what "thinking" is and "feeling." A better understanding of what these processes are will help you distinguish them from your perceptions of intelligence. From where I'm standing, being an ENFP does NOT make me any less intelligent than my INTP peers (and I've blown enough minds to back that up).
 

Jeffster

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Also, intelligence is a loaded term. I've always wondered what people mean when they say they're looking for intelligence in a mate. Does this mean the ability to learn new skills quickly? The ability to store enormous quantities of trivia with minimal effort? The ablilty to memorize entire symphonies after one hearing?

It might mean they are looking for a mate who doesn't spend a lot of time drooling or staring at a banana with wide eyes saying "yellow...yellow...yello nana. hee hee hee *giggle*"

Now, personally, I would find that totally HOT and definitely look for it in a girl, but some guys wouldn't, ya know?
 

istpunk

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istp
I dated an ISFJ woman once.

After meeting a couple ISFJ men I come to realize that IxSJs can clash big time once we get personal with the IxTPs. And it's the IxSJ's fault because they have a need to be dominant in their relationships. When someone is stepping out of line they stomp on them. No offense but ISxJ's would be perfect Hitler SS Soldiers, marching to no end to preserve a tyrant's thought. ISTPs are the ones that assassinate the guardians, because we see not the evil but the support for the possibility of evil.

You guys are really great people you ISTJ or ISFJ, good government types.
 

SquirrelTao

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May 28, 2008
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INXX
Hmmm, sure seems like the logical INTPs are making a lot of logical fallacies in this thread - small samples, overgeneralizations...

You guys sure are getting emotional!

If this is what focusing on MBTI does to people, I don't see it as a good thing.
 

hommefatal

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Also, I think that type is related to intelligence to some degree. For instance, I'm an INFJ. That means I'm dumber than all the NT's (which I understand and accept), as smart or slightly smarter than most other NF types, can be smarter or dumber than an SJ depending on their age, skill set, and subject. I am smarter than SP's excluding ISTP's, who are sometimes slighter smarter or dumber.
I wouldn't generalise that. Of course it is right that intelligent are often NT's because their abilities make them be an intellectual. But many people don't conform to such theories and are flexible. For example Introverted Feeling doesn't have anything to do with dumbness. You just feel yourself. Also I don't value intelligent people who act like shit. I will respect them but I won't talk to them. Intelligence is unimportant, personality is important. I have a neutral view on anything but I don't act Thinking. I don't care about superiority, many intelligent people suck at emotional intelligence. People are different but they should be equal. No-one should be punished for their own personal believes.
 

Amargith

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My parents are ENTP and ISFJ, and a couple in my social circle is ISFJ and INXP. You guys just seem to really like ISFJs, and the reason for it, from what I can see is the dependability and warm nature. ISFJs are like the perfect mothers imo: warm, nurturing, consistent, organized and devoted. And it seems that NTP males crave that in their women, especially the devotion and nurturing, perhaps even the grounding. I know my father would be nowhere without my mom organizing their life around him and his quirks. With the other couple it's the INXP that takes care of big life changing stuff as it freaks her out, and once she's digested it, it's the ISFJ that organizes the daily stuff and takes care of the details.

One note though: both couples suffer incredibly from communication issues. It's a gap that seems very hard to bridge.


Edit: as for your inexplicable desire to get into their pants: consider yourself pheromoned! Don't bother fighting it, pheromones cause you to have an irresistable desire to display a certain behaviour :devil:
 
Last edited:

Saslou

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I can not be arsed to quote everybody here but i must agree that i personally find something very intriguing with NT's .. I am learning to spot you lot from a mile off .. Which is great, but at the same time there is something about you that makes me want to scream with frustration .. lol.

I think the problem is that when you first meet someone, you are more reserved in your criticisms. Obviously you let things slide. The more you are around these people, well then the cracks seem to show.

Its a shame .. You are super cool people. :hug:
 

Eiddy

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I read through this whole thread from the very beginning. Seems if opposites attract they also repel. Personally I could never stand conflict so if someone seems to bring out the worst in you then it better to turn and RUN!!! lol

Now more seriously I find NT's very smart and that is attractive, but then again I would think SFs would need to get their emotional needs met.
 

Saslou

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Are any of the threads on ISFJ people are positive? I almost start feeling bad just being an ISFJ person.MC

SJ's usually get a bashing on here .. You just learn to roll your eyes and take no notice ..

I think that may be the balance we need to find .. Someone who we find intellectually stimulating whilst being emotional in tune with us .. Shite, does this person even exist???? Anybody :blush:
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
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Step mom is ISFJ - lived with her since the age of 8. It was interesting. I remember her talking about my ESFP mom and my siblings and saying she didn't get at all why we liked to play games all the time. She had very rigid beliefs and thought that they were truths, not beliefs. She had to convince herself that she loved my siblings as much as she loved her kids. Very concerned with fairness and thinks she gets people.

She always kept the house nice and had meals on the table for 8 people. She worked really hard to keep the house working. Overall she was good and loving, I just wish she had been a little more open to people who weren't like her.
 

MacGuffin

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...mmm.... ISFJs...
 

maliafee

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I just want to say that relating type to intelligence is proof of a naivete that comes with being not as smart as one things one is. Just sayin'...
 

chegra

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I just want to say that relating type to intelligence is proof of a naivete that comes with being not as smart as one things one is. Just sayin'...
Actually there is a correlation.

* Other personality traits being the same, an iNtuitive person (one who grasps patterns and seeks possibilities) is 27 times more likely to have a high IQ than a Sensing person (one who focuses on sensory details and the here-and-now).

* Again, other traits being the same, an Introverted person is 8 times more likely to have a high IQ than one who is Extraverted; a Thinking (logic-oriented) person is 2.5 times more likely to have a high IQ than a Feeling (people-oriented) person; and a Judging person (one who seeks closure) is about twice as likely to have a high IQ than a Perceiving person (one who likes to keep his options open).

Liberty Corner: IQ and Personality
 
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