[ISFJ] Ask an ISFJ 1.0!

[Tiltyred]

Block her.

 

[Honor]

Block her.

lol! That's one strategy. You could continue to ignore her, block her, etc. If you think that's too harsh, then there are other methods. I personally have found that ignoring/deleting/blocking people who have been your friend in the past just makes that person more incessant...and at the very least, if she wants the truth, then she deserves it, right? I say, just tell her what's up. If I were you, I'd probably be like, "Dude, I know it's a tough time for you what with the pregnancy and all, and I have no desire to make your situation worse, but I've been feeling very disrespected and taken advantage of by you. And if things don't start to change, then it's going to mean the end of our friendship "

 

[Tigerlily]

lol! That's one strategy. You could continue to ignore her, block her, etc. If you think that's too harsh, then there are other methods. I personally have found that ignoring/deleting/blocking people who have been your friend in the past just makes that person more incessant...and at the very least, if she wants the truth, then she deserves it, right? I say, just tell her what's up. If I were you, I'd probably be like, "Dude, I know it's a tough time for you what with the pregnancy and all, and I have no desire to make your situation worse, but I've been feeling very disrespected and taken advantage of by you. And if things don't start to change, then it's going to mean the end of our friendship "

Yeah, that certainly is a strategy, but not one I'm comfortable with. Thank you [MENTION=5723]Tiltyred[/MENTION] for your suggestion though. I just wouldn't want someone to ignore and treat me that way, especially since this woman and I have been friends for many years and I feel a moral obligation to handle this tactfully. I don't want to doorslam her because I want to move away from shutting people down because I didn't like something they did, didn't do, or said to me. I really do wish her happiness and I think at the very least we all need to get together for lunch and get her a gift for the baby.

I know life has been a struggle for her and I've always been a supportive friend who listens, even if she often return the favor. We're all wired differently and I know she doesn't mean to be inconsiderate, that's just how she is. What makes all this more difficult is that I know she doesn't have many friends. In fact when we were discussing her baby shower last year she said another friend and I were her only friends. I think what she meant was that she felt she could tell us anything, without being judged harshly.

Thanks again [MENTION=4398]Giggly[/MENTION] and [MENTION=16139]Honor[/MENTION]. I really do appreciate your advice.

 

[tinker683]

Yeah, that certainly is a strategy, but not one I'm comfortable with. Thank you [MENTION=5723]Tiltyred[/MENTION] for your suggestion though. I just wouldn't want someone to ignore and treat me that way, especially since this woman and I have been friends for many years and I feel a moral obligation to handle this tactfully. I don't want to doorslam her because I want to move away from shutting people down because I didn't like something they did, didn't do, or said to me. I really do wish her happiness and I think at the very least we all need to get together for lunch and get her a gift for the baby.

I know life has been a struggle for her and I've always been a supportive friend who listens, even if she often return the favor. We're all wired differently and I know she doesn't mean to be inconsiderate, that's just how she is. What makes all this more difficult is that I know she doesn't have many friends. In fact when we were discussing her baby shower last year she said another friend and I were her only friends. I think what she meant was that she felt she could tell us anything, without being judged harshly.

Thanks again [MENTION=4398]Giggly[/MENTION] and [MENTION=16139]Honor[/MENTION]. I really do appreciate your advice.

This is actually very wise and kind of you to do but I think this will be a potentially tough road for you. Continuing to be the sound board for someone for such a lengthy (if not indefinite) period of time is emotionally draining and will eventually burn you out. Please do remember to tend to yourself first

 

[Tigerlily]

This is actually very wise and kind of you to do but I think this will be a potentially tough road for you. Continuing to be the sound board for someone for such a lengthy (if not indefinite) period of time is emotionally draining and will eventually burn you out. Please do remember to tend to yourself first

Thank you I probably should have also added that I am going to keep my distance. I'm starting a new business soon, so that will be my reason for being unavailable, and at least it's truthful. She also knows I won't babysit as I told her early on that I wouldn't, so that won't be an issue.

By the way, can I just say that SF's don't get nearly the they deserve! There's even an ESTJ in here with honest, good, sound advice!

 

[Honor]

Thank you I probably should have also added that I am going to keep my distance. I'm starting a new business soon, so that will be my reason for being unavailable, and at least it's truthful. She also knows I won't babysit as I told her early on that I wouldn't, so that won't be an issue.

By the way, can I just say that SF's don't get nearly the they deserve! There's even an ESTJ in here with honest, good, sound advice!

lol, yes, sorry for being the odd one out! I used to think I was an F but our chat on this thread confirms my suspicion that I am not.

 

[Giggly]

No problem [MENTION=408]Tigerlily[/MENTION]

I suggest you be busy.

I have done this before and have had it done to me. It works.

 

[Redbone]

ISFJs, how hard is it for you to let a person/relationship go? What helped you finally move on?

 

[WALMART]

Are all ISFJ's the sexual workhorses I've perceived them to be?

Does this derive from the pleasure gleaned from others being satisfied?

Or was that one girl just a sexually like-minded individual?

 

[Magic Poriferan]

Where do I go to speak to ISFJ 2.0?

 

[tinker683]

ISFJs, how hard is it for you to let a person/relationship go? What helped you finally move on?

Hard. There is a long de-coupling process in which I have to essentially redefine smells, locations, sounds, etc.. so that they don't remind me of my ex and therefore cause me pain. It's been months since my breakup with my last ex and I'm still not out of the woods yet. I went on another date, I'm going out, I'm living life, but inside the whole time I'm missing her.

It's a lengthy process to say the least :\

Are all ISFJ's the sexual workhorses I've perceived them to be?

Does this derive from the pleasure gleaned from others being satisfied?

Or was that one girl just a sexually like-minded individual?

I've heard contridicting stories. I've heard of ISFJ spouses who were very vanilla and/or plain or prude and then you got guys like me who are very aggressive, eager to please, and open to experimentation

I think you just got lucky (in more ways than one)

 

[WALMART]

I've heard contridicting stories. I've heard of ISFJ spouses who were very vanilla and/or plain or prude and then you got guys like me who are very aggressive, eager to please, and open to experimentation

I think you just got lucky (in more ways than one)

I got lucky. That is what I was afraid of.

ISFJ superfreak, once in a lifetime opportunity

 

[skylights]

I got lucky. That is what I was afraid of.

ISFJ superfreak, once in a lifetime opportunity

I don't think all hope is lost.

 

[Giggly]

ISFJs, how hard is it for you to let a person/relationship go? What helped you finally move on?

Cut all ties and pretend they are dead. Date other people.

Are all ISFJ's the sexual workhorses I've perceived them to be?

Does this derive from the pleasure gleaned from others being satisfied?

Or was that one girl just a sexually like-minded individual?

I would be just as concerned about my partners satisfaction as my own.

Where do I go to speak to ISFJ 2.0?

We have automatic updates now. We're at 5.0.

 

[WALMART]

I don't think all hope is lost.

The glimmer of chance keeps my head up.

 

[tinker683]

The glimmer of chance keeps my head up.

While I am not an ISFJ female, I will say on behalf of all ISFJs to any one reading this: please do find whatever reason you can to bonkhonk us into submission

 

[Magic Poriferan]

We have automatic updates now. We're at 5.0.

Well, clearly ISFJ's aren't a Mac product.

 

[Netochka]

Ask an ISFJ?

Ok.

I realize that you can't really be the spokesperson for an entire group of people with a type, but, what are the best things that a girlfriend could do for her ISFJ boyfriend? I mean, are there specific things that would tend to appeal to this type over and above other types. What will help him feel cared for and appreciated?

 

[tinker683]

Ask an ISFJ?

Ok.

I realize that you can't really be the spokesperson for an entire group of people with a type, but, what are the best things that a girlfriend could do for her ISFJ boyfriend? I mean, are there specific things that would tend to appeal to this type over and above other types. What will help him feel cared for and appreciated?

Hmm....

Without knowing your b/f personally....

1) Attention and affection. He may display it as openly as he should but he WILL appreciate affection or attention you show him
2) When he's stressed or exhausted, nurture him. ISFJs spend a great deal of time trying to fix problems for other people and/or devoting a lot of attention to others that they seldomly pay enough attention to their own needs.
3) Flirting and/or lots of sexual innuendo. ISFJs are a reserved bunch and making him feel desirable will always get you lots of points. Of course, I'm an Sx-dom so I respond VERY strongly to all of this so this may just be my type. Also, this leads me into 4
4) SEX. Lots of and lots and lots and....well you get the idea. Maybe it's because I'm a guy. Maybe it's because I don't get to manhandle as many women as I'd like too, maybe it's because I'm an Sx-dom...but I simply can't emphasize enough to you how much I love sex.
5) last and finally: Be open and honest with him. ISFJs don't handle secrecy and closed-offness (is that a word?) very well. If he likes you, then he is reading every single thing you do and everything single thing you say and if your words/actions start mismatching it's going to throw him off.

Nothing really special beyond that....depends on his own wants and needs

 

[Netochka]

Hmm....

Without knowing your b/f personally....

1) Attention and affection. He may display it as openly as he should but he WILL appreciate affection or attention you show him
2) When he's stressed or exhausted, nurture him. ISFJs spend a great deal of time trying to fix problems for other people and/or devoting a lot of attention to others that they seldomly pay enough attention to their own needs.
3) Flirting and/or lots of sexual innuendo. ISFJs are a reserved bunch and making him feel desirable will always get you lots of points. Of course, I'm an Sx-dom so I respond VERY strongly to all of this so this may just be my type. Also, this leads me into 4
4) SEX. Lots of and lots and lots and....well you get the idea. Maybe it's because I'm a guy. Maybe it's because I don't get to manhandle as many women as I'd like too, maybe it's because I'm an Sx-dom...but I simply can't emphasize enough to you how much I love sex.
5) last and finally: Be open and honest with him. ISFJs don't handle secrecy and closed-offness (is that a word?) very well. If he likes you, then he is reading every single thing you do and everything single thing you say and if your words/actions start mismatching it's going to throw him off.

Nothing really special beyond that....depends on his own wants and needs

In regards to #2, is he likely to try and hide from me the fact that he is stressed and tense? And are there likely tells for when he is more mildly stressed (I can tell when he is very stressed easily), that might be more difficult to pick up on?

As far as 3 and 4 go. Okay. That makes sense.

And about 5, that shouldn't be too difficult. So it sounds like he will be studying me like a book (if he likes me, and since the other night he started talking about things several months down the road together, I would tend to assume that would be a yes, unless it was some sort of a strange test?). I suppose it is fitting that for once I be the specimen under the microscope so to speak.

I would tend to assume that for sensates, the concept of being nurtured would tend to be very sensual (not right now, necessarily meaning sexual, though it could) such as having a meal made for them, massage, music, candlelight, even maybe doing some cleaning for them so that they don't have to?

Actually, could you elaborate on what the concept of being nurtured means for you, and would likely mean for SJ's more specifically for you over and above what you already described?





Thanks for taking the time to give me a lengthy reply.