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[ISFJ] Ask an ISFJ 1.0!

strychnine

All Natural! All Good!
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Jun 23, 2010
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How would you all say you're different than ISFP?

I chase one tangent after another in thought, even speech, but not in "pure" action. I get distracted by my thoughts, but not by my surroundings. In that sense I am probably different than ISFP but I of course don't know exactly how you are with respect to that. However, I'm not sure of my type in the first place, so take this with a grain (or a few cups) of salt. ;)


onceuponatime:

Do you appear unfriendly and serious to people who don't know you?
I appear antisocial, so I suppose unfriendly to some degree. I don't smile much, so serious maybe, but not very intense. I am laid back in general. That said, this also applies to people who know me, they rightly think I am somewhat heartless. I think it is the "I" that makes me rather antisocial.

Do you take sides, or do you stay pretty neutral?
It's a principle like "innocent until proven guilty", for me. I'm neutral until something forces me to take a side. If it's a subject I know about, I have no problem taking sides. If it's not, I'll happily stay neutral until I learn enough to form an opinion. I guess all opinions are uninformed to some degree (no one knows absolutely everything), but I might as well gather as much as I reasonably can before coming to a conclusion. (oh wow that sounds kind of P)


A question for fellow ISFJs, if you guys don't mind :) :

Do you sort of worry about speaking/posting in absolutes? Does it bother you when other people speak in absolutes?

eg. "I will never do X" <-- I am uncomfortable with statements like that, very much so. I am ok with using the word "never" with respect to the past, and even then, I'll qualify it by saying "as far as I remember" ... but I don't use "never" with respect to the future, because I don't know what it holds and what my reactions will be.

Sorry for the long post hahaha.
 

Giggly

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A question for fellow ISFJs, if you guys don't mind :) :

Do you sort of worry about speaking/posting in absolutes? Does it bother you when other people speak in absolutes?

eg. "I will never do X" <-- I am uncomfortable with statements like that, very much so. I am ok with using the word "never" with respect to the past, and even then, I'll qualify it by saying "as far as I remember" ... but I don't use "never" with respect to the future, because I don't know what it holds and what my reactions will be.

Sorry for the long post hahaha.

No, not really. Generalizations serve a good purpose.
 

strychnine

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No, not really. Generalizations serve a good purpose.

Ok, thanks. I largely agree with you, yet I don't use them. I had a feeling my above behaviour was kind of obsessive and unrelated to type. I worry about making generalizations because some people will take them literally. As in, they will take my statement to be absolute instead of virtually absolute. But anyway, thanks.
 

tinker683

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penny89,

I do the same thing actually unless I know what I'm stating with absolute certainty that I'm correct. Being in the business that I am, I've found that it's often best to leave yourself a lot of wiggle-room in the things you say. Otherwise you'll end up getting people accusing you of false promises and possibly suing you :shock:
 

strychnine

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penny89,

I do the same thing actually unless I know what I'm stating with absolute certainty that I'm correct. Being in the business that I am, I've found that it's often best to leave yourself a lot of wiggle-room in the things you say. Otherwise you'll end up getting people accusing you of false promises and possibly suing you :shock:

I guess I'm still sort of overly obsessive about it, as I take the stance that I cannot really be absolutely certain of anything. But I see your point, and it seems to make sense in terms of false advertising. Cool. Thanks for the response. :smile:
 

coconut

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I know an ISFJ, and I'd like to know if this is something that's part of being an ISFJ . . .

In any discussion or topic, ISFJ relates it to self. Global warming becomes,"It was so hot that I just couldn't stay cool so I had to put on shorts and when I was little, we used to have really hot summers..."
National health care becomes, "I had to go to the emergency room two years ago and it took four hours, and they gave me this antibiotic, and it gave me hives, and I used to get hives when I was little..."
Child abuse becomes, "Once someone thought I was too harsh with my child and they told me so, and it hurt my feelings, and they shouldn't have hurt my feelings..."

No topic is too big, too general, or too global to be turned into an opportunity to talk about how this person felt about some personal incident with even the slightest relation to the topic at hand. And, no, this isn't a person who's selfish; this is a very nice person who would give anything to anyone to be helpful.

I like to talk about big picture generalities, and I get bored with trivialities; can I find some common ground with this ISFJ?
 

Thalassa

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I know an ISFJ, and I'd like to know if this is something that's part of being an ISFJ . . .

In any discussion or topic, ISFJ relates it to self. Global warming becomes,"It was so hot that I just couldn't stay cool so I had to put on shorts and when I was little, we used to have really hot summers..."
National health care becomes, "I had to go to the emergency room two years ago and it took four hours, and they gave me this antibiotic, and it gave me hives, and I used to get hives when I was little..."
Child abuse becomes, "Once someone thought I was too harsh with my child and they told me so, and it hurt my feelings, and they shouldn't have hurt my feelings..."

No topic is too big, too general, or too global to be turned into an opportunity to talk about how this person felt about some personal incident with even the slightest relation to the topic at hand. And, no, this isn't a person who's selfish; this is a very nice person who would give anything to anyone to be helpful.

I like to talk about big picture generalities, and I get bored with trivialities; can I find some common ground with this ISFJ?

I've been told that I do that, and I'm an ENFP. In fact, I think FPs do that because of dom or aux Fi. I think....? Is it Fi/Si loop in NFPs that may look like Si/Fe in SFJs?
 

Cheshire Grin

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I know an ISFJ, and I'd like to know if this is something that's part of being an ISFJ . . .

In any discussion or topic, ISFJ relates it to self. Global warming becomes,"It was so hot that I just couldn't stay cool so I had to put on shorts and when I was little, we used to have really hot summers..."
National health care becomes, "I had to go to the emergency room two years ago and it took four hours, and they gave me this antibiotic, and it gave me hives, and I used to get hives when I was little..."
Child abuse becomes, "Once someone thought I was too harsh with my child and they told me so, and it hurt my feelings, and they shouldn't have hurt my feelings..."

No topic is too big, too general, or too global to be turned into an opportunity to talk about how this person felt about some personal incident with even the slightest relation to the topic at hand. And, no, this isn't a person who's selfish; this is a very nice person who would give anything to anyone to be helpful.

I like to talk about big picture generalities, and I get bored with trivialities; can I find some common ground with this ISFJ?

That's actually very interesting. I'm an ISFJ and my responses would be something like -

Global warming: Yeah, it's definitely happening but we still can't say for sure how much of it has been induced by human activity. I really feel for people living in regions that are experiencing the worst of it.

National health care: The hospitals are overloaded at the moment. There was an article in the paper the other day about a man who's been on the waiting list for treatment for years. He'll probably die of the disease at this rate.

Child abuse: We need to educate parents more and teach them how to handle situations. It's a terrible thing to do to a child.

I do an inform -> feel kind of thing. In general I'm more interested in the "them" and how things affect "them," but I will relate it to "how does this make me feel?" Unless the person I was having a conversation with wanted a purely scientific discussion in which case I would happily oblige.

I wouldn't personally relate those issues above to personal incidents though and it's not something I do a lot during conversations. If somebody specifically asked me to talk about myself then I will but I don't usually offer to. Would this confirm your "ISFJs relate things back to themselves" theory or no? As for your last question, it would be possible to talk about big picture generalities with your ISFJ friend if it is something that interests them. I prefer talking about aliens and ideas more than what I'm going to have for dinner or the carpet stain that's been underneath my chair for two months. It really depends on the ISFJ :)
 

Amethyst

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What's the best way to cheer up an ISFJ when they're in a bleak situation?
 

miss fortune

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from my experience do something that shows them that they're valued and appreciated, like take them out to lunch somewhere and then go let them pick out a new plant for their garden... it tends to work on my mom anyways :thinking:
 

Amethyst

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from my experience do something that shows them that they're valued and appreciated, like take them out to lunch somewhere and then go let them pick out a new plant for their garden... it tends to work on my mom anyways :thinking:

It's a little more bleak than that. It's not the 'I got dumped a day ago, I need a girl's night out' sort of thing, it's more like she doesn't know if she'll be able to talk or swallow again after this surgery she's getting on her thyroid...she seems to be much more worried about the scarring though. :(
 

miss fortune

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:thinking: my mom turned the scar across her neck into a joke about escaping a serial killer... I think she's spent too much time with my dad and me :shock:

my sis made her some nice necklaces that would cover it though if she felt self conscious, and that made her happy :)

just do something that shows that you're thinking of her!
 

tinker683

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It's a little more bleak than that. It's not the 'I got dumped a day ago, I need a girl's night out' sort of thing, it's more like she doesn't know if she'll be able to talk or swallow again after this surgery she's getting on her thyroid...she seems to be much more worried about the scarring though. :(

To go on what Whatever said, doing or saying something that says you really care about them is about the best thing. Unfortunately in a situation like this though it will definitely be tough to keep a smile on their face. Do try though, she will notice it and will appreciate it :)

For me personally, if I'm really depressed or something, someone who was constantly there for me and dotting on me would be incredibly sweet and endearing, though I imagine I'd push them away after while because I'd start to feel guilty about her investing so much time into me.

coconut said:
I know an ISFJ, and I'd like to know if this is something that's part of being an ISFJ . . .

In any discussion or topic, ISFJ relates it to self. Global warming becomes,"It was so hot that I just couldn't stay cool so I had to put on shorts and when I was little, we used to have really hot summers..."
National health care becomes, "I had to go to the emergency room two years ago and it took four hours, and they gave me this antibiotic, and it gave me hives, and I used to get hives when I was little..."
Child abuse becomes, "Once someone thought I was too harsh with my child and they told me so, and it hurt my feelings, and they shouldn't have hurt my feelings..."

No topic is too big, too general, or too global to be turned into an opportunity to talk about how this person felt about some personal incident with even the slightest relation to the topic at hand. And, no, this isn't a person who's selfish; this is a very nice person who would give anything to anyone to be helpful.

I like to talk about big picture generalities, and I get bored with trivialities; can I find some common ground with this ISFJ?

Hmm...I know that I tend to relate to a particular topic with personal acedotes (see my response above for an example) as I feel that it adds context to the discussion. However, I always try to stay on topic. Global Warming, for example, I would have to remain objective on as I have no personal experience on the matter but for other topics like religion or politics, THOSE I have some personal experience on and could relate that somehow.

Something you need to keep in mind with ISFJ's is that we are Si-doms, which means as we go through life and experience things we creatd databases in our heads about those experiences and when we encounter new or similar experiences, we compare it to what we've experienced and felt before.

As such, we tend to relate to things personally because we're comparing them to past personal experiences.

For example, ask me about politics and I'll tell you about how I've personally experienced the effects of certain policies or decisions made by government (As a property manager, I not only work in what is one of the most heavily regulated businesses, I have several tenants that receive some sort of assistance from the government).

As my about religion, and I'll relate it to my own experience from being a fundamentalist Lutheran to becoming an atheist (what I am right now).

For me, doing so puts the topic in the context of a real world situation which to me is a very practical thing to do as it makes it easier to understand (or so I think anyway, I'm sure others wouldn't feel the same way).
 

Giggly

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What's the best way to cheer up an ISFJ when they're in a bleak situation?

Without blatantly stating "Focus on the positive" which is too obvious and annoying to people, just redirect her focus to the positive things about it whenever she starts being down or negative. ISFJs can get into a negative downward spiral and that just needs to be interrupted before it gets out of hand.

I've been told that I do that, and I'm an ENFP. In fact, I think FPs do that because of dom or aux Fi. I think....? Is it Fi/Si loop in NFPs that may look like Si/Fe in SFJs?


Sounds like an Fi/Si loop no matter who is doing it. :yes:
I have seen all types do this.
 

coconut

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Hmm...I know that I tend to relate to a particular topic with personal acedotes (see my response above for an example) as I feel that it adds context to the discussion. However, I always try to stay on topic.

Hmmm. So the tendency to move every topic to a personal experience isn't something that's inherent to all ISFJ's? I wonder if my ISFJ has more dominant Si than most? If a topic can't be applied to a personal memory or ccircumstance, my ISFJ gets flustered.
 

Thalassa

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Sounds like an Fi/Si loop no matter who is doing it. :yes:
I have seen all types do this.

I must live in an Fi/Si loop 50-75% of the time, then.
 

strychnine

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ISFJs, what is a good description of Si (online preferred) that you can relate to? Thanks!

I just asked the ISTJs as well, so/and don't feel obligated to answer if you can't find anything. :)
 
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