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  1. #251
    Member herbpixie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Probably. I don't get why it feels fake though.
    Because that's not generally how I express that I care about someone. It's not that I think all touchy feely people are fake. I do not. It's just not something that comes naturally to me because I express emotion differently than she does. She's very demonstrative in her affections, and I've never been very cuddly. I will, of course, try harder for her because I love her, and I want to make sure she's clear on that point. It will still feel weird to me, though.

  2. #252
    defying your expectations SoraMayhem's Avatar
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    ISFJs!

    How often do you get overwhelmed by your emotions?
    4w5-1w2-5w4 -- RLUAI -- Chaotic Good/Neutral

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    Ask me about my crippling social dysfunction!

  3. #253
    Member herbpixie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    I'm sure it's so much a need for validation in and of itself so much as a recognition of the things she values (which in this case is her family).
    This makes sense.

    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    You may need to sit down and talk with her and ask her what things she likes doing and if its a matter of remembering to do something then you may want to consider investing in some sort of reminder device or system that will do that for you.
    I think that part of the disconnect is that we have very different interests. She's WAY more physical and outdoorsy than myself. I do make it a point to call on special days, or, if I do screw up and forget, to call asap. I think pinning down some common interests might help. Thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    As far as the touchy feel stuff, I'm obviously not your mother nor am I every ISFJ but YES the touchy feel stuff is important to us! Lack of attention or affection is brutal to me. I expect it from my friends and even my brothers (whom I was never really close to to begin with) but from my family and my significant other (back when I had one) its massively important and really hurts me when I don't get it.

    I realize it feels contrived and maybe she'll need more from you than you're willing/capable of giving and thats something you'll have to work out. But I would like to say that the effort does count.
    I can try harder. In many ways, I am not a stereotypical INTP, but I do have that absent minded professor thing going on. I'm just not wired like she is, so I often just don't think of those things. It's certainly not an intended slight. I will try to be a bit more gushy for her, though. Thanks for replying.

  4. #254
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbpixie View Post
    I think that part of the disconnect is that we have very different interests. She's WAY more physical and outdoorsy than myself. I do make it a point to call on special days, or, if I do screw up and forget, to call asap. I think pinning down some common interests might help. Thanks.
    Common interests would definitely help. Don't overextend yourself into doing things you REALLY hate doing though, then you'll just be miserable and she'll pick that up and then SHE'LL be miserable and that's no fun for all involved.

    You're an INTP, you guys are a creative bunch. I'm sure you'll find something

    Quote Originally Posted by herbpixie View Post
    I can try harder. In many ways, I am not a stereotypical INTP, but I do have that absent minded professor thing going on. I'm just not wired like she is, so I often just don't think of those things. It's certainly not an intended slight. I will try to be a bit more gushy for her, though. Thanks for replying.
    I'm sure she doesn't feel it's intended slight hopefully she's the kind that's strong enough to not let it bother her. Most of the time I can be pretty good about slights that are unintentional or truly benign but sometimes...it just stings. Whats even more aggravating is that if you try and be extra nice to try and catch slighting her before you accidentally do it, she'll catch on to what you're doing and may feel you're patronizing her.

    Or at least that's how I often react, and its a small wonder to me that people can get so frustrated with ISFJs. We're a well meaning bunch but far too sensitive. Or, again, maybe that's just me.
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  5. #255
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbpixie View Post
    My mother is a lovely ISFJ. She's compassionate and kind, and she's basically all around wonderful. She also has a lot of difficulty understanding her poor weirdo INTP daughter (sisters are INFP and ISTJ). We have a very good relationship, but I am exceedingly bad at all of the traditional family stuff that she loves--such as remembering birthdays, calling frequently, etc. She has made a concerted effort to reach out to me in ways that I know are weird/unfamiliar to her. She actually learned to text and got on facebook because she knows how much I hate talking on the phone.

    Aside from more traditional things, which I don't think I will EVER be good at because I'm a space cadet when it comes to time/tradition, how can I make my ISFJ mother feel more appreciated/loved? Saying really touchy-feely things always seems strange, awkward, and fake to me, but I think maybe she needs that validation?
    I'm not ISFJ. Could you just 'not filter' too many of your ideas and instead, share those with her? I'd think honesty would probably be good. That's a bond or connection in and of itself. Something really good for family.

    Could you see how some of the artificiality would start to go away if you just shared thoughts? I sometimes think it feels like talking about boring stuff but the effort is good even when or if it's about something I might think is relatively insignificant. I believe most appreciate the effort.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
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  6. #256
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raine_lynn View Post
    ISFJs!

    How often do you get overwhelmed by your emotions?
    A couple of times a week but I'm used to it now.

  7. #257
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    ISFJs, what do you think of your INFJ contemporaries and their super-normal intuition and meta-physical mumbo jumbo?

  8. #258
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    ISFJs, what do you think of your INFJ contemporaries and their super-normal intuition and meta-physical mumbo jumbo?
    I think they see dead people and I rely on them for this.

  9. #259
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I think they see dead people and I rely on them for this.
    HAHAHAHAHA! @Giggly you're funny as ****.

    (..and sorry for the harsh *'s :P.)
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  10. #260
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    ISFJs, what do you think of your INFJ contemporaries and their super-normal intuition and meta-physical mumbo jumbo?
    A mixed bag. In a lot of ways they can be just like me and other ways they are not. When we mesh well, its a beautiful thing to see. Their Ni engages my inferior Ne and everything just seems to "click". On the other hand, sometimes they keep reading into my actions and such that are just plain false and that ends up bringing up a lot of frustration and aggravation. We "over accommodate" each other and end up finding ourselves in a near perpetual stalemate where every action becomes a struggle and that just plain sucks for all involved.

    Also, if their value systems differ from mine then there are inevitably problems as I've found that Ni-doms can be just as stubborn as I am and when you get an Si-dom and an Ni-dom disagree on something thats fundamental to them, the words "irresistible force" and "immovable object" come to mind.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
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