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  1. #31
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    and that's so wrong! Most of the ESFJ ladies I know are smart, capable, driven and have a delightfully silly and fun side that they know WHEN to let out... they also have some weird ESP thing going on and can always hunt you down and make you go out for the evening if you probably need a break Also rather generous and loyal

    Oh nooo! I end conversations with "I'll be back!" a la Arnold all of the time
    Lmao, i do enjoy my brothers humour.

    The ESP thing .. Oh yeah baby .. I am well aware when people are trying to pull the wool over my eyes
    EDIT - I told a lie .. I know when my partner is lying, everyone else i am just naive.

    Apologies for the 50's housewife comment .. I was just ripping myself a new asshole that day



    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    I'll try again...

    What is it like to have a dominant Fe? Does it make you good at socializing? Did you ever feel like you're a misfit Introvert eg at a work party?

    What's the best way to thank an ESFJ? I do the small things like saying thanks or complimenting on food, but is there a good way to make someone feel special/appreciated?
    I don't think i do Fe all to often, although some people say i do, some don't. Possibly a Fe/Fi balance, i don't know.
    I am great at socialising .. I thoroughly enjoy meeting people.

    I am a misfit extrovert but i am aware when i need to quieten down.

    Thank me by just taking the time to do something (no matter how small, like offering to run the bath, or a head massage or a little note saying Love ya!!) just so i can think to myself, wow that person really does care about me.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  2. #32
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    I'm pretty sure my mom is ESFJ, and I'm wondering.. HOW CAN I CHANGE THAT??!

  3. #33
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Lmao, i do enjoy my brothers humour.
    Me too. My brother is ESxP as well. He says stuff like your brother too. He is so silly.

  4. #34
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salt n' pepper View Post
    I'm pretty sure my mom is ESFJ, and I'm wondering.. HOW CAN I CHANGE THAT??!
    Why would you want to?
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  5. #35
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    Why would you want to?
    I was just being a jerk.

    Seriously though, I would like to know what things I can do, to make her day a little bit brighter? She seems a bit down, but she tries to hide it, and she doesn't like to talk about it. She down-right lies to my face, saying everything is good, when I know for a fact, they aren't. So, how can I cheer her up? Cause I can't really fix the situation.

  6. #36
    Boldly Gone Malice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salt n' pepper View Post
    I was just being a jerk.

    Seriously though, I would like to know what things I can do, to make her day a little bit brighter? She seems a bit down, but she tries to hide it, and she doesn't like to talk about it. She down-right lies to my face, saying everything is good, when I know for a fact, they aren't. So, how can I cheer her up? Cause I can't really fix the situation.

    Depends on your relationship with your mother, really. Doing anything out of the ordinary is going to probably make her a bit suspicious, but a (general) good way to go about cheering up an ESFJ is to simply let them know that they are a valued and appreciated part of your life. Examples:

    Did she cook a good dinner?
    Tell her so, also tell her what you liked best about it and why.

    Did she cut her hair/is wearing a new outfit?
    Notice it, and tell her that it compliments her face/figure.

    Did you see/hear something nice today that reminded you of her or that you thought she might be interested in knowing?
    Start a conversation about it, and be sure to mention that fact.

    ESFJ types want to feel appreciated and useful. We often feel like we go out of our way to bust our asses for people and don't get a lot back for it. So if she won't open up to you about the source of the problem, but you still want to make a difference in her day, just try to be nice. Hope that helps.
    a little less conversation, a little more action please
    . captain's blog.

  7. #37
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malice View Post
    Depends on your relationship with your mother, really. Doing anything out of the ordinary is going to probably make her a bit suspicious, but a (general) good way to go about cheering up an ESFJ is to simply let them know that they are a valued and appreciated part of your life. Examples:

    Did she cook a good dinner?
    Tell her so, also tell her what you liked best about it and why.

    Did she cut her hair/is wearing a new outfit?
    Notice it, and tell her that it compliments her face/figure.

    Did you see/hear something nice today that reminded you of her or that you thought she might be interested in knowing?
    Start a conversation about it, and be sure to mention that fact.

    ESFJ types want to feel appreciated and useful. We often feel like we go out of our way to bust our asses for people and don't get a lot back for it. So if she won't open up to you about the source of the problem, but you still want to make a difference in her day, just try to be nice. Hope that helps.
    This is really useful, especially the bold part. It's probably true for my mother, too. Thanks a lot! I'll give her a call tomorrow.

  8. #38
    Boldly Gone Malice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salt n' pepper View Post
    Thanks a lot! I'll give her a call tomorrow.
    Not a problem, glad I could help.
    ====

    Now to get caught up on the rest of this thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    What's the biggest difference between an ESFJ and an ESTJ?
    My brother is an ESTJ, and out of the two of us I would say the biggest difference is probably how we interact with our other family members. For example: He won't generally come to talk to you unless he wants/needs something, whereas I make a point to say good morning/hello to everyone and ask how they are/what plans they have. I don't think he has as much of an interest in people's moods/day to day activities as I do unless it directly involves him or interferes with his plans. But that might not be type related at all, who knows?

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    most of the real ESFJs I have as close friends end conversations with "Love ya!" or similar sentiments of love... I've never even said that to my own sister! What is the proper response for a cold hearted ESTP bastard in such a situation?
    Tough to say, I don't really know any ESTPs (I don't think?) so I can't really give you any advice from life experience, though I guess it really just boils down to the type of relationship you share with your friend. ESFJs are really sensitive, guaranteed if she ends a conversation with 'Love ya!' and you say 'Like you too!' or anything 'less' than the degree of affection she's already stated then she will walk away from the conversation feeling devalued in some way. As much as I'd hate to admit it, I'm going to have to agree with Little Linguist on this one. If you really want to keep her as a friend, you're just going to have to man up and return some kind of positive affirmation her way. Don't lie or anything, just be...kind.

    I agree with Saslou though, I rarely ever end my conversations with 'Love ya!' unless the other person says it first. It just feels...wrong somehow. :/

    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    I don't bother talking/starting threads about ESFJ's anymore because we are seen (i perceive) as gooey, nice and non-intellectual. I am thinking 50's housewife.
    ^ This. I often feel discouraged in posting my thoughts, especially when I read of how ESFJs are perceived by others on the forum. I am glad Jeffster started this thread though, even if he was just playing around
    a little less conversation, a little more action please
    . captain's blog.

  9. #39
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    I know this started a bit as a joke thread but maybe Malice will give me some advice.

    I am an INFP male happily married to an ESFJ female. We get along really well--she is caring, kind, generous, fun, and devoted to our family. We are very much in love and I think she understands me better than anyone. But sometimes when she is trying to help me past feeling blue or down I sometimes stick my foot in my mouth and I really hurt her feelings (I never mean to do this.) Her reaction to me is to entirely withdraw, even though i will apologize any number of times. What can an INFP do to reassure an ESFJ that she is loved and appreciated when he acts thoughtlessly? Normally all I do is sort of wait it out and then she's okay. But I feel like that is not enough, that I have to show her that I'm truly sorry. (And lest anyone think I'm a doormat, i have zero problem expressing to her when I've been mad at her. I am a much slower burn, it takes more for me to get mad, but I stand up for myself. But then she apologizes, and I consider the matter closed.)

  10. #40
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlueStone View Post
    I know this started a bit as a joke thread but maybe Malice will give me some advice.

    I am an INFP male happily married to an ESFJ female. We get along really well--she is caring, kind, generous, fun, and devoted to our family. We are very much in love and I think she understands me better than anyone. But sometimes when she is trying to help me past feeling blue or down I sometimes stick my foot in my mouth and I really hurt her feelings (I never mean to do this.) Her reaction to me is to entirely withdraw, even though i will apologize any number of times. What can an INFP do to reassure an ESFJ that she is loved and appreciated when he acts thoughtlessly? Normally all I do is sort of wait it out and then she's okay. But I feel like that is not enough, that I have to show her that I'm truly sorry. (And lest anyone think I'm a doormat, i have zero problem expressing to her when I've been mad at her. I am a much slower burn, it takes more for me to get mad, but I stand up for myself. But then she apologizes, and I consider the matter closed.)
    Be more careful with your words towards her. Sometimes the hurt that comes from piercing words cannot be undone. Nevertheless, we all make mistakes and if you have trouble with this, perhaps when you are feeling down you could tell her that you need some time alone rather than risk saying something that will hurt her feelings.

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