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  1. #131
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stu Katz View Post
    Does an ESFJ, when asked a question, not answer, but simply repeat the question back as "Do you _____?"
    Do you like nachos?
    {The Diplomat}
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  2. #132
    Boldly Gone Malice's Avatar
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    I adore nachos, in fact I make cheese nachos for a snack a couple times a week. I also love tacos and taquitos.
    Erm, *ahem* I mean...

    DOES YOUR FACE LIKE NACHOS?! Hah. *mature*

  3. #133
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Yes, yes, it does.

    How do I show my ESFJ best friend that I appreciate her?

  4. #134
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    OK, I have slightly heavier, more specific set of questions but some of the behaviour I have observed in other ESFJs. Sorry about the length.

    My Mum (an ISFJ) is close friends with her manager at work, whom (I believe) is an ESFJ. There is a lot of tension between them right now, that isn't being spoken about and my Mum's getting rather upset over it. To cut a long story short the ESFJ has a lot of stressful stuff going on in her life: she helps cares for several ill or elderly family members, has 2 young grandchildren whom she looks after a couple times a week, is stretched thin at work with a terminally ill boss, and she has lupus (a chronic illness that is dramatically affected by stress and physical excursion). While she has little choice about some of these issues, she continues to take on more things, often well beyond the call of duty, frequently refusing the help of others. While I sympathise and deeply admire her compassion, to some degree she has made a rod for her own back. For example: she has babied the boss for years, doing a lot of work without pay, including paying his rates for him - consequently he expects her to run around after him. This really bothers my Mum, to the point that she has difficulty remaining sympathetic, especially as the ESFJ works herself into ill health. The ESFJ seems to resent the fact that my Mum won't put in the same effort and the level of sacrifice at work as she does (which is really beyond what she is paid for). She also, no doubt, senses my Mum's strong disapproval of her doing all that extra work in the first place. However, this is merely what we presume she is thinking, as she won't come out and say this directly. Instead, she makes cutting comments, is cold and distant, and has stopped confiding in my Mum. My Mum isn't wholly innocent, as she can be very judgmental, pushy and opinionated when she thinks people aren't behaving as they should. She does desperately want to reconcile, though, but is uncertain about what to do.

    So my questions are:

    - How do you think the ESFJ rationalises making such unreasonable things (like paying her boss's rates for him) as being her responsibility? Why do ESFJs confuse a favour with obligation?

    - Why do ESFJs bite off more than they can chew in terms of responsibilities? Even when they are intelligent and sensible people that can plainly see these are: a) too much for them b) negatively affecting their health c) aren't their sole responsibility anyway. Why can't she say no, when she is such a strong person?

    - How can you get them to slow down, let others help them, or simply let go of some things that aren't essential? There have been constant and repeated attempts in this case but she just won't listen.

    - Is it common for ESFJs to wall up emotionally when angry at someone? This ESFJ won't be straight with my Mum - it seems unfair because she punishes her without giving her a chance to explain why she feels as she does about the matter.

    - How can my Mum approach her to discuss the tension between them? My Mum fears that if she does, all the ESFJ will do is yell at her and that she will be unwilling to hear her side of the story.

    I just want to say I really care about this ESFJ too and think her a fantastic human being. I just wish she would put herself first more often and take better care of herself. I also want to see my Mum and her get on again.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  5. #135
    Boldly Gone Malice's Avatar
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    The answer is very simple: tell her. Take the time to sit down, face her, and really explain that you appreciate the __________ and __________ that she's done for you, and how it makes you feel __________. If she's anything like me that'll really brighten her day and make her feel awesome good luck!

  6. #136
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    How can I safely remove that everlasting grin out of my stupid work buddies face and who is more likely to be as cool as James Bond, entps or esfjs ?
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  7. #137
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    Maybe this question is for Feelers in general. Anyways...

    I've always thought the most boring thing on Earth is parents talking about their own children. Or grandparents about their grandchildren. When somebody talks to me about how Sonny managed to fall down and ruin his new trousers, I'm bored out of my skull but try to feign interest just to humour them.

    Okay. Now I've got a baby. I'm a proud mom. I don't want to bore other people, so I try not to talk too much about her. But they ask, they ask details, and before I know I'm talking about how much she sleeps. That can't be interesting, can it? Are you genuinely interested in that?
    Because, frankly, I'd rather talk about literature, science or history. How can I...
    (1) detect whether you're trying to please me or whether you're really interested in my baby? Is it possible that there are people that are really interested in another mom's baby? (I guess, if there exist such people in reality, they'd probably be ESFJs)
    (2) convey the message that you don't have to be bored/feign interest in order to please me. I'm not unmixed pleased by your interest in my child, I'm also worried about being boring to you.

    A facebook status about the baby gets more "likes" than anything else. Okay, she IS a cutie (well and I AM a proud mom), but... are they genuine?
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  8. #138
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
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    ESFJs like kids, there's no denying it, and I'm sure the ones with kids like talking about them. Hearing about other people's kids is good and gives them validation that other parents like their kids as much as they do.

    An ESFJ might worry that they talk about their own kids too much, so being happy for other parents could be a way for them to feel better about talking about their own kids so damn much (that's the selfish spin on it anyway).

    I don't have kids, though I still like them. My cat will be my object of affection for now
    {The Diplomat}
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  9. #139
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    After a dinner and a subsequent visit to a pub with my mother, her husband and a friend of hers, the following dialogue occurred between mother (ESFJ) and son (INTJ):

    Nico's mum: "I have the feeling that I have lost the connection to you."
    Nicodemus: "I don't know what I should to tell you."
    Nico's mum: "Hm. Well, when you are fine, I am fine."

    I know that she wants me to present her my heart on a plate. That I cannot do. She has in the past asked for texts that I have written; yet when I send them, she does not respond. I figure what I write about is probably fancy nonsense to her; she has even confessed to have given up on reading one of my rather good essays. So that is obviously not the right method.

    Background information: We do not live in the same city and see each other around five times a year.

    Thus my question for the ESFJs here: What else could I do to satisfy her motherly need to get inside my head?

  10. #140
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    After a dinner and a subsequent visit to a pub with my mother, her husband and a friend of hers, the following dialogue occurred between mother (ESFJ) and son (INTJ):

    Nico's mum: "I have the feeling that I have lost the connection to you."
    Nicodemus: "I don't know what I should to tell you."
    Nico's mum: "Hm. Well, when you are fine, I am fine."

    I know that she wants me to present her my heart on a plate. That I cannot do. She has in the past asked for texts that I have written; yet when I send them, she does not respond. I figure what I write about is probably fancy nonsense to her; she has even confessed to have given up on reading one of my rather good essays. So that is obviously not the right method.

    Background information: We do not live in the same city and see each other around five times a year.

    Thus my question for the ESFJs here: What else could I do to satisfy her motherly need to get inside my head?
    Ask her that question and you have half the rent. A question like "What do you like to know about me ?" She'll rain questions on you and you can select a few that will already help her.

    I dont know your mum but one thing is often true with Mums, especially if they have sons: they can have sometimes a kinda reproachful attitude towards you, like "why dont you call ?" (tho you called 1 day ago), like "I dont know you anymore !" (well thats called growing up and its perfectly fine as long as one gets to know each others again).
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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