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  1. #91
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Awww, lol .. What's a gym? I went to one last year and quickly got bored. Story of my life.

    I couldn't care less what i look like in a gym .. I'm going to get hot and sweaty just like everyone else.

    Another question for you (hope you don't mind ) .. How do you feel about change??

    I ask because although i know it is inevitable and can easily tell others to embrace it .. It scares me especially when i am facing change alone. I get caught up in the details and what if's that i freeze.
    I think i may of misplaced my bold, brash, go get them, fear nothing attitude, lol
    LoL, I practically live at my gym now. I guess seeing results this time around has really made a difference in how often I go.

    I really don't mind change. The only time I have a problem with it is when I don't have warning that it's coming. Like, my boss or a coworker telling me about change the day it goes into affect when they've known for weeks. :steam: A little warning would be nice!

  2. #92
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
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    So why? how? when...

    Ok I don't really have a question just wanted to say ESFJs = awesome!
    Act your age not your enneagram number.

    Quinlan's Creations

  3. #93
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    What is this closeness you ESFJs speak of in a relationship?

    My soon-to-be former partner has always said that I hold him at arms' length. I asked him what else would he like me to do to be closer and he couldn't really tell me.

    So what do you want? (I know everyone will have their own ideas of what this is).

  4. #94
    Boldly Gone Malice's Avatar
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    Sounds to me like your partner feels like you're not being emotionally available enough. I don't know how long you've been together, or what kinds of things you two generally discuss, but to me 'being held at arms length' comes off as your being too reserved about topics and situations that the ESFJ may feel are crucial to the relationship.

    Taking a stab in the dark - These topics might be rooted around how you feel about them and the relationship as a whole. It's possible he takes your reserved nature as a sign that you don't trust him and aren't willing to let him in past your personal barrier, which to an ESFJ is absolutely maddening. But that's something you two will just have to discuss.

    I would advise trying to be a little more open about your feelings, coupled with small gestures to make the ESFJ feel like a valued and appreciated part of your life. Surprise him with movie tickets, maybe dinner, spend a little time being cozy or something else you think he would appreciate [you know him better than I do ] In either case, communication is key. So keep those lines open and don't give up.

    Good luck.
    a little less conversation, a little more action please
    . captain's blog.

  5. #95
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    What is this closeness you ESFJs speak of in a relationship?
    Lol .. If you talked to an ex of mine, you'd be told i am cold and distant. I am not, i just require loyalty, trust and love and i'm not really picky when to comes to the other stuff. I am rather flexible with most stuff if explained in a manner that i don't perceive as controlling. Control me and i'll run a mile.

    I am a giver and get so much joy seeing the smile on your face. I do get taken aback when someone does something sincere for me .. Like leaving a gooey love note or buying flowers for no reason, not used to it. Hard to believe, under this titanium exterior that i am sick romantic .. I enjoy spending time with my partner, be it curling up on the sofa chatting rubbish or asking a complicated question and listening for 20 mins to the reply. I can spend years with you and still enjoy your company, if i like you that much. Although i enjoy fucking you, i want to caress your body that i've touched so many times before, to me, it's still new. I walk talk, proud to have you on my arm. I require open communication at all times (i know i am a bugger and will ask a question at such the wrong time and can hold back in fear of upsetting you). I have no problem with you having your own space, but when you come into my space, please be here in mind, body and spirit .. I'll pick it up and become resentful.

    It's hard to put into words something that comes to me so easily .. I hope that helps.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  6. #96
    All Natural! All Good!
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    If there are any ESFJ males around here, can you please field this one? Thanks.

    Did you think at any point you were ESTJ?

    I am basing this question on one of my male ESFJ friends. He tested ESTJ and insists he is ESTJ; however, he is clearly Fe dom. (He doesn't know the functions.) I think it may be common among SFJ males to think they are STJ, because SFJs can tend to internalize societal norms/ expectations and conform or appear to conform to those -- and we know that society (unfairly) demands that men be more T. It's possible that strong internalization of this, to a higher degree than what I've seen on this forum, could lead to ESFJ males insisting they are ESTJ.
    Strychnine is all-natural,
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  7. #97
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    1. Why do so many ESFJs take disagreements personally, and get all emotional/hysterical over any little debate? Too many ESFJs I know start screaming and guilt-tripping at the same time the minute you offer a contrary opinion.

    2. Why do so many of you succumb to peer pressure or bend backwards for people so easily? For example, you guys also get overly affected by pity for others and do STUPID things because of it. (Like let a bum friend live in your house for a year because you "feel terrible for him".) I know it's the Fe, but you guys aren't robots. WHY would you sacrifice a perfectly correct decision and inconvenience yourself for group harmony? Acting nice is one thing, but you guys actually carry it out!

    3. Why do you bemoan things you just can't change? It serves no purpose.

    4. Toy poodles + pink sundresses. Explain.
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  8. #98
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    1. Why do so many ESFJs take disagreements personally, and get all emotional/hysterical over any little debate? Too many ESFJs I know start screaming and guilt-tripping at the same time the minute you offer a contrary opinion.
    I usually play devil's advocate to create debates... Even when I'm on the other person's side. I only guilt trip my mom, it's all in fun when we do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    2. Why do so many of you succumb to peer pressure or bend backwards for people so easily? For example, you guys also get overly affected by pity for others and do STUPID things because of it. (Like let a bum friend live in your house for a year because you "feel terrible for him".) I know it's the Fe, but you guys aren't robots. WHY would you sacrifice a perfectly correct decision and inconvenience yourself for group harmony? Acting nice is one thing, but you guys actually carry it out!
    I don't succumb to peer pressure. If I don't agree with something, I will walk away and have nothing to do with it. I only bend over backwards to make people I care about happy. I have my breaking points. Like, I've told my fiance that if he continues to pay his brother's child support when we get our house there is going to be a lot of tension between the two of us. He's promised me that he plans on talking to his brother and telling him to pay his own child support. And the fiance is an INFP...

    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    3. Why do you bemoan things you just can't change? It serves no purpose.
    Maybe I'm more laid back, but I'm not a big fan of trying to change things that clearly aren't going to change...

    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    4. Toy poodles + pink sundresses. Explain.
    No clue! I'm a tom-boy till I die! So I'm more of a German Shepherd or other big dog and baseball t-shirt!


  9. #99
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    1. Why do so many ESFJs take disagreements personally, and get all emotional/hysterical over any little debate? Too many ESFJs I know start screaming and guilt-tripping at the same time the minute you offer a contrary opinion.
    I love a good debate .. I do take disagreements personally if i feel you are attacking me unnecessarily for example because you are in a shitty mood. I don't shout anymore, i get a bigger kick by walking away, i know it'll piss you even more, lol

    Why do so many of you succumb to peer pressure or bend backwards for people so easily? For example, you guys also get overly affected by pity for others and do STUPID things because of it. (Like let a bum friend live in your house for a year because you "feel terrible for him".) I know it's the Fe, but you guys aren't robots. WHY would you sacrifice a perfectly correct decision and inconvenience yourself for group harmony? Acting nice is one thing, but you guys actually carry it out!
    Peer pressure's good if it involves fun
    Bending over backwards .. Sometimes i'm too nice for my own good. My sister came and lived with me, a week later i told her to leave. I am learning to be more selfish so group harmony can bollocks. Maybe it's karma, maybe i was a serial killer in my past life and in this one i have to be stupidly nice to everyone .. Nahhhhh, lol

    Why do you bemoan things you just can't change? It serves no purpose.
    I'm a type 6

    Toy poodles + pink sundresses. Explain.
    I think it is perfectly ridiculous that you should want to dress your toy poodles in pink sun dresses .. May i offer you some of my medication, lol

    Seriously though .. I like kitties and the only thing i own that is pink is one bra.

    I must now leave to scrub myself clean
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  10. #100
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    ESFJs how do you get people to just "do" stuff for you? I have always been wowed by this. My ex can call someone and ask for help and almost always gets it. He called a guy that used to work with my dad...hadn't seen/talk to this man in years and yet he calls him (he has a million people on his phone) and the guy readily agrees to help!
    My Mom was an ESFJ, too. Despite getting into trouble with her alcoholic escapades, she always managed to convince people she was a lady that had fallen upon misfortune. They'd start sobbing and immediately do something to try to help her. Unfortunately, even the therapists she saw were taken in by this crap! I couldn't believe it--why couldn't they see through all that crap?

    How do you do it? I'm amazed at the "ask and you shall receive"? Are y'all just hoodwinking people? I remember when I first met my ex and he was just so polite, smooth, and charming. He acted like I slapped him when I said, "You're really sweet...you'd make a great con-man."

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