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Thread: ISTJ & 'miss you'

  1. #51
    Active Member Array Poki's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008


    If I am out doing something then I dont text much. On a typical workday or when I am not really doing anything fun we swap between 20-40 texts a day. I prefer it to talking on the phone. I prefer in person. When I am out having fun I dont text much at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    So should you feel hurt after hearing he didn't miss you? Of course you should! He should know better! You don't say "I miss you" because you miss someone. You say it because you want the other person to know how unique you think they are.
    I feel like I am lying if I do this. My wife has got past the fact that I dont miss her. I am not built like that. I see here everyday. It takes alot for me to miss someone and the people I am around the most I will miss the least.
    Take what I say with a grain of salt, because that's all it is compared to the ocean of complexity when it comes to actions and real life.

  2. #52


    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    I feel like I am lying if I do this.
    Yeah, there's gotta be some way to not lie but still convey to the other person that you care about them.

    My reply to "I miss you", if I'm just plain not feeling the same way at that immediate moment, is typically along the lines of, "Well, it's okay; we're gonna see each other in a few days.. and you know I'm looking forward to it because I really do want to see you." She actually likes that sort of reassurance. If we're both groveling messes every single time we're apart for a while, then.. well, that's no good.

    With us being in a semi-long distance relationship, this comes up a lot.

  3. #53
    L'anima non dimora Array Donna Cecilia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010


    Quote Originally Posted by Habba
    So should you feel hurt after hearing he didn't miss you? Of course you should! He should know better!
    This is true, but, "we don´t know better". We fail at recognizing people´s feelings and, sometimes, our own.

    The best SO I had (the only one I remember nicely) was the one who understood and accepted that trait. He always told me that he needed to hear from me, even if I didn´t miss him, because he did miss me when we were apart. So, I did call him and wrote e-mails because that´s what I had to do to make him feel better.

    You should do the same thing. I think a better communication between you two will solve this.

    Just forgive him this time, but the next, just say what you need him to do in order to make you happy. Not as an order, just say "I would be happy if we (insert what you need here)". Don´t use "you". He may react pointing one of your faults as well.

    Remember, we don´t do things if they don´t serve a particular purpose. We need a good reason, and, at least for me, my significant other´s happiness is more than a good one.

    "An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise."
    Victor Hugo

    LII/INTj (Analyst) - 1w9 Sp/Sx - RC|O|EI - Melancholy/Choleric

  4. #54
    Let's make this showy! Array raz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008


    i think the whole i miss you thing is bullshit. a lot of these social and relationship rules are bullshit. people just latch onto the rules out of insecurity, attention or thinking its something they should be doing. i dont prefer sincerity and i dont prefer honesty. it is expected and required to make the relationship endeavor worth a damn. our society has severely bastardized the beauty and warmth of human love to turn it into predictable hoops to jump through.

    if i miss someone, i will outright say it, but in my own way to convey how much i care about them and their presence. i just hate how other people seem to look at relationships and dating. people dont care about spontaneous meetings, the connection between two human beings. that's the whole reason to desire a relationship. i want to feel like my woman is my other half. im just ranting now but i just sigh in disgust at the state of relationships in our society.

  5. #55
    Senior Member Array 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Jul 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    Aren't you the girl who were upset when your ISTJ boyfriend wasn't particularly happy about you calling in middle of a night during a working week..?

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