[MBTI General] ISTJs Explained By ISTJs: Post your questions here!

[Cimarron]

Hi ISTJs,

Why is safety important to you?

Trying to see things from my friend's point of view...his lack of risk taking and willingness to pushing his abilities to new frontiers is boring

I'm guilty of this one: Not a big risk-taker, even in small decisions. I like to know all my options and chances before I act. Things happening to me without my permission, without my control over whether they happen, doesn't sit well with me. "Safety" is just a way to avoid those things in the first place. I guess with that explanation, you could say that it's a way to keep control over what happens to me: I'm still making the decisions.

 

[CocoB]

Should I forgive you for meeting your limit of fully capitalized words?

Absolutely : ) Sorry if i offended you... But i speak with alot of enthusiasim.. and i capitalized certain words to show the importance of them.... [[Sarcasm]]. Funny.. and Typical ISTJ : )

 

[raz]

I'm guilty of this one: Not a big risk-taker, even in small decisions. I like to know all my options and chances before I act. Things happening to me without my permission, without my control over whether they happen, doesn't sit well with me. "Safety" is just a way to avoid those things in the first place. I guess with that explanation, you could say that it's a way to keep control over what happens to me: I'm still making the decisions.

I just avoid risks if there isn't a way to control the fallout or have alternate plans in case of possible issues that may arise. In other words, it's about backup plans for risk-taking. Assessing what might happen, how it will affect me, etc, so that I can react as I move forward toward something risky.

What do you mean by safety though? Safety can be defined in so many ways. Simply, I just say death and injury is bad, so we don't want it to happen. I don't know. Are you going more toward stability? I can force myself to act according to what's going on in a chaotic environment but I can't sustain that. That inability to sustain the ability to live within chaos is why I deny risks if possible.

 

[Rainne]

Thanks for the answers.

Also, the ISTJ I know seems to ask A LOT of questions, yet answers very few questions. Is this because of the "Inspector" temperament?

 

[Donna Cecilia]

Hi ISTJs,

Why is safety important to you?

Trying to see things from my friend's point of view...his lack of risk taking and willingness to pushing his abilities to new frontiers is boring

There are many different definitions for "safety". I´m not a risk-taker too. Still, risk is everywhere, so, before jumping into a determined project or situation, I do a cost-benefit analysis to determine if I will be moving in a safe environment. The less I have to lose, the safer I feel to do something.

 

[Donna Cecilia]

Thanks for the answers.

Also, the ISTJ I know seems to ask A LOT of questions, yet answers very few questions. Is this because of the "Inspector" temperament?

Yes, it is. I love anlayzing people, but hate when they are analyzing me.

His style is different from mine, though. I rarely ask questions. I´m observing people all the time, but I don´t like to know that I´m being observed.

 

[raz]

i can ask questions to the point that people insist i go away. i only do it to get a clear picture of whats going on.

 

[Rainne]

yea...having a conversation w/ him feels like I'm being interrogated

 

[21%]

Hi

I have to admit I didn't read the whole thread. I tried to use the search function but it didn't yield any satisfactory results, so I'm sorry if this has already been asked.

My ENFJ sister has been on and off with her ISTJ boyfriend for a long time now. Her issue with him has always been "He doesn't show affection and that makes me feel unloved!". Acts of service is high on his love language list, but very low on hers. She has tried to talk to him many times about their differences but they seem to have problems communicating in general. She doesn't understand why he cannot just show little gestures of affection -- thoughtful texts, little gifts, verbal affirmation/appreciation. He doesn't understand why she needs all the 'frills' in a relationship. He's a good guy, very sensible and dependable. I just wonder if there is any way this can work out.

So, specific question: Would ISTJs appreciate a 'scientific' approach to a relationship, such as a list comprising of to-dos (with explanations of why) about "How to Keep Your NF Happy?" or would they think it's utterly stupid? I know a lot of marriage therapists use these lists to help couples understand each other's needs better. So, ISTJs, do you think this is a good idea? Also, is it unrealistic to ask ISTJs to show more affection and 'be romantic'? I know it's impossible to ask NFs to not show or want affection. Most of the time my sister's bf seems more puzzled and clueless about why she gets mad at him (because in his opinion, he is showing affection, but in his own way).

I'm very well aware that for this to work out she has to try to see things his way too. I'm just trying to get them to meet in the middle.

Thank you so much in advance!

 

[Donna Cecilia]

Hi

I have to admit I didn't read the whole thread. I tried to use the search function but it didn't yield any satisfactory results, so I'm sorry if this has already been asked.

Thank you so much in advance!

No need to be sorry. I want to apologize for my copy-paste from another thread regarding ISTJs and displays of affection.

It is true that we fail miserably at recognizing people´s feelings and, sometimes, our own.

The best SO I had (the only one I remember nicely) was the one who understood and accepted that trait. He always told me what he needed to hear from me, even if I didn´t feel like doing or saying so. I did said him "I love you", or call or write "I miss you" e-mails when we were apart, because I knew that it made him happy, not because I wanted to.

You should do the same thing. There is no need for "How-to" manuals for relationships, just sincere communication.

Suggest her to say what she needs him to do in order to make her happy. Not as an order, just this: "I would be happy if we (insert what she needs here)". Don´t use "you". He may react pointing one of her faults as well.

Remember, we don´t do things if they don´t serve a particular purpose. We need a good reason, and, at least for me, my significant other´s happiness is more than a good one.

 

[raz]

That's a good one. Say "I love you" to them because it makes them happy, and because you love them. You're not doing it because you want to, but you're doing it because you love to see them happy. Still, I'd still do spontaneous stuff. If I really admire a woman I'm with, I won't hold back from constantly reminding her how much I adore her.

To me, displays of affection just have to be perfect and done the right way. For me, it's about avoiding insincerity, carelessness, and thoughtlessness.

Where are these other ISTJs finding SO's without picking up a random person they barely care about? I must be missing something. ><

Even when I was in a relationship with an ESFJ, she said I Love You about 50 times more than me. When she said it, I just acted like it didn't happen. I guess I'm the same as other ISTJs. If I love you, saying I love you is kind of redundant. However, I have no problem if I'm doing something with my SO that just surprises me about her or our feelings are at an all time high, then I'd say it, because I'd really mean it.

 

[21%]

The best SO I had (the only one I remember nicely) was the one who understood and accepted that trait. He always told me what he needed to hear from me, even if I didn´t feel like doing or saying so. I did said him "I love you", or call or write "I miss you" e-mails when we were apart, because I knew that it made him happy, not because I wanted to.

You should do the same thing. There is no need for "How-to" manuals for relationships, just sincere communication.

Suggest her to say what she needs him to do in order to make her happy. Not as an order, just this: "I would be happy if we (insert what she needs here)". Don´t use "you". He may react pointing one of her faults as well.

Remember, we don´t do things if they don´t serve a particular purpose. We need a good reason, and, at least for me, my significant other´s happiness is more than a good one.

Thank you for your suggestions! Good point with "We don't do things if they don't serve a particular purpose". It could be that he doesn't know how happy these little things make her feel. The problem is that sometimes NFs are like "If I have to tell you, it's not 'special' anymore" Ah, well, I guess communication is everything.

That's a good one. Say "I love you" to them because it makes them happy, and because you love them. You're not doing it because you want to, but you're doing it because you love to see them happy. Still, I'd still do spontaneous stuff. If I really admire a woman I'm with, I won't hold back from constantly reminding her how much I adore her.
...
Even when I was in a relationship with an ESFJ, she said I Love You about 50 times more than me. When she said it, I just acted like it didn't happen. I guess I'm the same as other ISTJs. If I love you, saying I love you is kind of redundant. However, I have no problem if I'm doing something with my SO that just surprises me about her or our feelings are at an all time high, then I'd say it, because I'd really mean it.

Thanks for your input! The thing is they have known each other for 7 years now, so there isn't a lot of 'spontaneity' left. I know they care a lot about each other so I really hope it works out. Too bad they're both pretty stubborn people


My best friend is an ISTJ, and she's very endearing in her own way and I really appreciate her dependability and her no-nonsense attitude to life

 

[raz]

I just absolutely fail at Fe. It makes me horrible at initiating and maintaining relationships. Anything involving other people goes through the Te-Fi filter, and that weeds out *a lot* of everyday common stuff. I just don't believe in doing things in a relationship just because it should be done. I require sincerity.

 

[Cimarron]

...Also, is it unrealistic to ask ISTJs to show more affection and 'be romantic'? I know it's impossible to ask NFs to not show or want affection. Most of the time my sister's bf seems more puzzled and clueless about why she gets mad at him (because in his opinion, he is showing affection, but in his own way).

Does she realize that? So he thinks he's being romantic or giving a good try at being romantic, and is confused why no one else seems to see it? I don't know how much he's really "trying" on that front; can't tell from your story.

 

[21%]

I just absolutely fail at Fe. It makes me horrible at initiating and maintaining relationships. Anything involving other people goes through the Te-Fi filter, and that weeds out *a lot* of everyday common stuff. I just don't believe in doing things in a relationship just because it should be done. I require sincerity.

I totally understand this. I'm in a relationship with an INFP and his Fi/Te ways confuse me sometimes. For us Fe people we need to show and receive affection constantly. It's not because it *should* be done. It's just how we say we care.

Does she realize that? So he thinks he's being romantic or giving a good try at being romantic, and is confused why no one else seems to see it? I don't know how much he's really "trying" on that front; can't tell from your story.

I don't know much about their interaction either. It just seems that they get into fights over something silly. I don't think it's because she's unaware of his effort -- just that they're wired so differently that it's hard to communicate affection.

I think it's an Fe thing. With Fe we need a constant flow of communication (little texts, little notes, little phone calls, etc) and when that doesn't happen, it means something is wrong. You can't just rationalize it either. Without these little gestures, we feel neglected, even when we know the other party does care about you. However, I can imagine when you're not wired to expect and appreciate these 'gestures', it feels like you're being forced to do it to keep your SO happy.

This is just hard

 

[EJCC]

How many flavors of ISTJ are there?

 

[raz]

the creampuff - this istj is a great organizer and does what he is told but is always nervous and not assertive or confident

provolone - assertive, organized, successful, confident, but boring to 99% of the opposite sex

nacho cheese - the technical oriented istj, confident, spends majority of days fiddling with electronic and computer devices

caviar - successful, arrogant, disciplined, but not friendly. patronizing to others around them who don't meet their standards

lettuce - typical istj, but found in most areas and does most busy work, reliable and useful but zero personality

 

[IZthe411]

the creampuff - this istj is a great organizer and does what he is told but is always nervous and not assertive or confident

provolone - assertive, organized, successful, confident, but boring to 99% of the opposite sex

nacho cheese - the technical oriented istj, confident, spends majority of days fiddling with electronic and computer devices

caviar - successful, arrogant, disciplined, but not friendly. patronizing to others around them who don't meet their standards

lettuce - typical istj, but found in most areas and does most busy work, reliable and useful but zero personality

You forgot about Dark Chocolate ISTJ- Me.
I'm smart, can have a good time, have a lot of confidence, and will make you laugh.

 

[raz]

Those don't exist.

 

[IZthe411]

Those don't exist.