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  1. #681
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I adore my ISTJ, I really do... he's wonderful and I know that I'll never go hungry or without a roof on my head or without physical contact, however, the whole Te/Fi view on humanity and manner of comportment are rather out of jive with my Fe heavy ESTP outlook and needs sometimes... sometimes I just need some reassurance that I'm doing ok... that I'm doing the right things in life and that I'm NOT fucking everything up that I do (with the rest of life, not in the relationship) and he NEVER seems to have that need and hasn't seemed to ever pick up on the idea that I might... how does one even APPROACH that topic with someone who seems incredibly self sufficient and self driven?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #682
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I adore my ISTJ, I really do... he's wonderful and I know that I'll never go hungry or without a roof on my head or without physical contact, however, the whole Te/Fi view on humanity and manner of comportment are rather out of jive with my Fe heavy ESTP outlook and needs sometimes... sometimes I just need some reassurance that I'm doing ok... that I'm doing the right things in life and that I'm NOT fucking everything up that I do (with the rest of life, not in the relationship) and he NEVER seems to have that need and hasn't seemed to ever pick up on the idea that I might... how does one even APPROACH that topic with someone who seems incredibly self sufficient and self driven?
    We have our days when we doubt ourselves. We may not realize that we need reassurance, and won't seek it out, but I know for myself that recognition, especially unsolicited, unexpected recognition, does a lot for this ISTJ.

    Experience has taught me that it sucks to feel like you're not doing well. To get that 'you're a big help, I appreciate what you're doing, etc' is a big boost. Since I want to build up the people around me I look for genuine ways to encourage those around me.

    I'm not going to lie, sometimes it's easier said than done. But if I do a little digging internally the feeling wells up, and I find it in me to encourage when otherwise I may not have something.

    Your best bet is to just let him know you need to hear a little encouragement and why. If he sees it's important he will make the effort. It may take some effort on his part at first but with practice and some reflection he'll get good at it.

  3. #683
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I just ran across a letter that the man wrote a few years ago to his aunt but never sent in a notebook while I was looking for some scrap paper... he was really explaining how he thinks and feels in it (probably explains why he never sent it) and I was horrified at the inner workings of an ISTJ mind... I thought that I had a problem showing vulnerabilities and opening up... that man is a champion of it

    I really shouldn't have read it, I feel embarassed that I did, but it DID give me some insight into how his brain works in a way

    I've always been very open about expressing appreciation to him and I know that he TRIES... he just isn't very good at it and it often doesn't occur to him either, so I live in paranoid dread that I've fucked something up and I really don't want to nag him by asking him if I'm doing the right thing... he has his own troubles and such
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  4. #684
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I just ran across a letter that the man wrote a few years ago to his aunt but never sent in a notebook while I was looking for some scrap paper... he was really explaining how he thinks and feels in it (probably explains why he never sent it) and I was horrified at the inner workings of an ISTJ mind... I thought that I had a problem showing vulnerabilities and opening up... that man is a champion of it

    I really shouldn't have read it, I feel embarassed that I did, but it DID give me some insight into how his brain works in a way

    I've always been very open about expressing appreciation to him and I know that he TRIES... he just isn't very good at it and it often doesn't occur to him either, so I live in paranoid dread that I've fucked something up and I really don't want to nag him by asking him if I'm doing the right thing... he has his own troubles and such
    If you get me mentally, I'll open up. The actual expressing reaffirmation is harder. It takes patience and practice, for both you and he. But know that you got him and he got you.

  5. #685
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I have no doubt that he's there for me... he's like a rock and I really appreciate that. I probably don't tell him that often enough... I guess that it's just kind of a difference between my tendancy to talk and his tendancy to be quiet... I should just reassure myself that quiet =/= the silent treatment... quiet just is him being himself
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  6. #686
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    If I really think about it, I'm confused by ISTJs as well, or maybe it could be TJ's in general. Sadly, I have never seen an STJ reach the point of being completely open and trusting. I do wonder if it's even possible.

  7. #687
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I've come to conclude that they might get to the point where they TRY to be open and trusting, but it certainly doesn't come naturally to them
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #688
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I've come to conclude that they might get to the point where they TRY to be open and trusting, but it certainly doesn't come naturally to them
    ^Bingo.

    Even if I have the desire to be more open and trusting with someone, I will either not know HOW to approach it... Or get kind of shy about it and not feel able to. Its something I kind of struggle with at times.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  9. #689
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    ISTJs, what comedy movies/comedians would you say best reflects your style of humor?

  10. #690
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juice View Post
    ISTJs, what comedy movies/comedians would you say best reflects your style of humor?
    Comedians? I love Martin Lawrence, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle. You ever see Daniel Tosh's show? Love it.

    Comdey Movies? Off the cuff - Anchorman- Face was hurtin after that movie. Friday. Recently saw Lottery Ticket- that was funny. I'll have to think of more.

    Family Guy and Cleveland show always have me rollin.

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