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  1. #181
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    - How do ISTJs flirt, and/or show someone of the opposite sex that they're interested, and/or interact in a more flirtatious way with their SOs?

    I'm just outright blunt, suggesting snuggling, cuddling, making out, fondling each other, etc. I just tend to tease, like a lot of others do. My girlfriend is always getting text messages from me asking what she's wearing, what she's doing, asking her to take random pictures of herself. I just like being blunt about it, because I just want it.

    From your experience with healthy ESTJs, do you like them? I personally find that the ESTJs I know make excellent pals/buddies, and I relate to them really well, and feel like they're my partners in crime and I was wondering if you guys sometimes feel the same way

    Uhh...ESTJs are really cool to me, and I just fucking admire their bluntness and ability to quickly take control of a situation. I get along great with them, but I tend to get annoyed when they ignore details.


  2. #182
    brainheart
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    First off, I am going to say that I think this might be the best thread ever. Second, I want to say that I 100% totally love ISTJs. (Nothing against the other SJs, but I also have qualms about the whole temperament business. I think extroverts and introverts tend to be so different across the board, I have a hard time with the concept of grouping them together.)

    Anyway, I just wanted to say, having grown up with a number of ISTJs surrounding me, I feel like they are the true oddballs, the ones who really don't quite fit in/know how to matriculate into society, especially now that our society has become so perceiving. Which is too bad, because they have a lot to give. I just wish they'd give me more of a chance, though. Well, ok, one in particular.

    Am I correct in inferring that once you guys have reached the decision that someone should be out of your life, that person is banished for eternity? If so, what's that about? If not, what can I do to get back in/ make peace?

  3. #183
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    First off, I am going to say that I think this might be the best thread ever. Second, I want to say that I 100% totally love ISTJs.


    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Anyway, I just wanted to say, having grown up with a number of ISTJs surrounding me, I feel like they are the true oddballs, the ones who really don't quite fit in/know how to matriculate into society, especially now that our society has become so perceiving.
    Yes, I've always felt that way. I need to be with very particular types of people to fit in.

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Am I correct in inferring that once you guys have reached the decision that someone should be out of your life, that person is banished for eternity? If so, what's that about? If not, what can I do to get back in/ make peace?
    For me, if I make that sort of decision about someone, it's a very big deal. It means a certain critical threshold has been crossed and it would be very difficult for that person to be very meaningful in my life any more. To get back in/make peace, the person would have to convince me that whatever it is that caused the problem is no longer there, sincerely, honestly and genuinely. Not just, for example, superficially or because they want things to be ok just for their own sake without really addressing the problem. I think being open and sincere is the key and showing that you really value your relationship with the ISTJ.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  4. #184
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    Yes, I get that Gerbah. In a way I would feel that too, even when I am not an ISTJ.
    I have a question to you and other ISTJ's.
    how about if you have seriously wronged a person? (instead of somebody wronged you)
    If you were clearly at fault when you lost control/inhibition for instance. Or when you verbally lashed out to someone saying nasty things that were irrational.
    (we all have these moments unfortunately...sigh)
    Would you feel a lot of guilt?
    Would it take you long to apologize?
    Or would you just let it go as the damage has been done already so no need to amend?

  5. #185
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by esfpmary View Post
    Yes, I get that Gerbah. In a way I would feel that too, even when I am not an ISTJ.
    I have a question to you and other ISTJ's.
    how about if you have seriously wronged a person? (instead of somebody wronged you)
    If you were clearly at fault when you lost control/inhibition for instance. Or when you verbally lashed out to someone saying nasty things that were irrational.
    (we all have these moments unfortunately...sigh)
    Would you feel a lot of guilt?
    Would it take you long to apologize?
    Or would you just let it go as the damage has been done already so no need to amend?
    I would refuse to go too long knowing someone has the completely wrong impression of me that was based on being blinded by irrational emotions. I would go back to them to reconcile what happened, but I would give myself a certain amount of time to prepare for the confrontation. I would ask myself a lot of questions:

    What happened in the situation?
    Why was I wrong in what I said/did?
    What will I say to the person?
    How will they react to my apology and explanation?
    How can I better prepare myself for the possibility of giving a flawed explanation or them not easily forgiving me?
    How can I prove to them that I truly understand what I did wrong and the extent to which I hurt them?

    I'd feel a sense of responsibility to correcting the situation, and immediately go into a more serious and less playful, yet more emotionally vulnerable mode. Correcting the mistake means that I have to show my logical maturity while at the same time combining it with my human responsibility.

    Like, for instance, my best friend asked me and my girlfriend about us having sex the weekend of her wedding. I told her we would see what happens that weekend, and she liked that answer, and then I texted my best friend this morning telling her I didn't like how she questioned my integrity. She said she was more of getting my girlfriend to think more about it, and I was hurt that my best friend was questioning my intentions.

    She kept telling me about her intention being to get my girlfriend to think more about the possibility rather than questioning my intentions, and I went off on her telling her she was a drama queen when she tried making sure I wasn't mad at her. She got upset and called me a jerk, and I thought about it for an hour, and then just sent her a text message telling her I was just picking on her for fun and that I wasn't mad at her.

    To me, repairing the relationship is more important than proving whether I was right or wrong. Any situation can come and go, but that friendship has to be maintained and constantly put effort into.


  6. #186
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by esfpmary View Post
    Yes, I get that Gerbah. In a way I would feel that too, even when I am not an ISTJ.
    I have a question to you and other ISTJ's.
    how about if you have seriously wronged a person? (instead of somebody wronged you)
    If you were clearly at fault when you lost control/inhibition for instance. Or when you verbally lashed out to someone saying nasty things that were irrational.
    (we all have these moments unfortunately...sigh)
    Would you feel a lot of guilt?
    Would it take you long to apologize?
    Yes, I would feel guilty. I hate thinking that I did something wrong to someone. Whether small or big. And yes, I would apologise and try to make amends/peace and not put it off. When it comes to problems in general, it's not my style to sweep things under the carpet.

    Quote Originally Posted by esfpmary View Post
    Or would you just let it go as the damage has been done already so no need to amend?
    I don't think like this. Wrong things should be put right if possible. It would weigh on my conscience and I like to be free of stuff like that.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  7. #187
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbah View Post
    For me, if I make that sort of decision about someone, it's a very big deal. It means a certain critical threshold has been crossed and it would be very difficult for that person to be very meaningful in my life any more. To get back in/make peace, the person would have to convince me that whatever it is that caused the problem is no longer there, sincerely, honestly and genuinely. Not just, for example, superficially or because they want things to be ok just for their own sake without really addressing the problem. I think being open and sincere is the key and showing that you really value your relationship with the ISTJ.
    Yeah, that sounds about right. But there is no way for me to make peace because he refuses to read my emails or respond to my texts and we have the opportunity of seeing each other only every couple of years. I guess I just have to let it go...

    Thanks for the input-

  8. #188
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Am I correct in inferring that once you guys have reached the decision that someone should be out of your life, that person is banished for eternity?

    Yes- more than likely. It's all situational. I'd say that for the most part, for me it's the principle of "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". At that point you are cut, and only time can tell if we'll mend the situation.


    If so, what's that about? If not, what can I do to get back in/ make peace?
    Apologize and own up to your wrong. I can't stand it when people do those fake apologies or admit to it but play down their wrong. If you did it, you did it. Don't shift blame!

  9. #189
    Member Sam Spade's Avatar
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    Apologize and own up to your wrong. I can't stand it when people do those fake apologies or admit to it but play down their wrong. If you did it, you did it. Don't shift blame!
    My roommate does this. One of the many reasons I can't wait until the end of the semester.
    "Knights had no meaning in this game. It wasn't a game for knights."

  10. #190
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by esfpmary View Post
    .
    how about if you have seriously wronged a person? (instead of somebody wronged you)
    If you were clearly at fault when you lost control/inhibition for instance. Or when you verbally lashed out to someone saying nasty things that were irrational.
    (we all have these moments unfortunately...sigh)
    Would you feel a lot of guilt?
    Would it take you long to apologize?
    Or would you just let it go as the damage has been done already so no need to amend?
    If I wronged a person, I'd have to say it depends on the nature of the relationship that determines the extent of my sorrow. The deeper the relationship, the more likely I'll fess up, especially if I lost my composure.

    I'm more likely to apologize after a few moments of getting myself together. I've learned I'm the type that will reflect first, then react later....I guess it's dominant Si? So It would take some time for me to reflect and replay on the events to figure out the severity of the situation, and if I need to apologize.

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