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  1. #131

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    Quote Originally Posted by aerogirl View Post
    One an ISTJ says a relationship is over, is there any way to win them back or is it forever?

    I still like my ex :-) I really want to make things work.
    most likely not.

  2. #132
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    Ah okay.

  3. #133
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    ISTJs can be quite stubborn sometimes.. but what's the harm trying anyways?
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  4. #134
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    I'm kind of caught in the middle of the trying to win back an ISTJ boyfriend thing. I've known this ESFJ 17 year old that lives in Florida for a year. I'm 23 and live in NC. A mutual friend of ours I've known for 10 years gave her my phone number one day to text me to help her with some family issues. We texted only until around December when we started calling. Once we started talking on the phone, our casual friendship quickly escalated to very sexual.

    We had fun talking on the phone and made plans for me to see her for Valentine's Day, but I found out a few weeks before hand that she lied to me about the amount of guys she slept with, and then some other things, so I broke off the relationship, and then her friendship with our mutual friend broke off because she lied to her also. We later found out she slept with our friend's ex-boyfriend.

    So, I stopped talking to her for a month, and she texted me out of the blue a few days ago. She said she realized she was dumb and blind, and wanted to repair her friendships, and correct the things people thought wrongly about her. She said she never slept with the people I was told about and that it was a lie, and said she wanted to gain back my trust, getting to know me better.

    Our mutual friend is getting married in 2 weeks, and I'm going down there for the wedding, meeting them both for the first time ever in person. I met the bride online and she's been my best friend even though we've never met. My opinion of the thing with the 17 year old, is that I jumped to a lot of conclusions and the nature of a long distance relationship means I didn't have much of a basis for my knowledge of what she was doing. It was all hearsay.

    Right now, I'm just playing it by ear, and I forgave her for what she did, telling her it was okay as long as she realized what she did wrong and wanted to work to do better. I'll see how things go at the wedding, but I'm not expecting or forcing anything. I'll just let what happens....happen. Though, getting laid wouldn't hurt.


  5. #135
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aerogirl View Post
    One an ISTJ says a relationship is over, is there any way to win them back or is it forever?

    I still like my ex :-) I really want to make things work.
    Yeah what we say are usually a reflection of what we have put together inside, most times after long deliberations. It's not an absolute; you might have a chance. You know your circumstances better than us, so if you think you might have a second chance, take it!

  6. #136
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    Cool thanks a lot! I'm not quite sure if I have a second chance or not. Right now I'm just giving him a lot of space and keeping myself occupied with other important things. There is always plenty to do (school, work, etc). I just really care about him.

    I asked him once what he thinks I should work on at one point but he didn't give me an answer so I dropped the subject. He believes that long term relationships are to work naturally and fluently between two people. That would be ideal, but I believe that any long term relationship despite compatibility does involve some form of work and compromising to a degree.

    Hm let's see. We stopped being official about a year ago, but still would sleep and cuddle together, as well as go on little dates. In August I did decide to stop sleeping with him because we were not in a relationship anymore. I'm assuming at this point he is over it. I do know he is not dating anyone else right now because he told me so.

    Anyways though, my question is this: If you were in my ex's situation and still have feelings for the ex-girlfriend, what could she do to make it easier for you? Or what could she do to ensure your happiness?

    Even if the answer is something really negative that's fine. I would rather be realistic about it. I honestly just want him to be happy.

  7. #137
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aerogirl View Post
    Cool thanks a lot! I'm not quite sure if I have a second chance or not. Right now I'm just giving him a lot of space and keeping myself occupied with other important things. There is always plenty to do (school, work, etc). I just really care about him.

    I asked him once what he thinks I should work on at one point but he didn't give me an answer so I dropped the subject. He believes that long term relationships are to work naturally and fluently between two people. That would be ideal, but I believe that any long term relationship despite compatibility does involve some form of work and compromising to a degree.

    Hm let's see. We stopped being official about a year ago, but still would sleep and cuddle together, as well as go on little dates. In August I did decide to stop sleeping with him because we were not in a relationship anymore. I'm assuming at this point he is over it. I do know he is not dating anyone else right now because he told me so.

    Anyways though, my question is this: If you were in my ex's situation and still have feelings for the ex-girlfriend, what could she do to make it easier for you? Or what could she do to ensure your happiness?

    Even if the answer is something really negative that's fine. I would rather be realistic about it. I honestly just want him to be happy.
    How old are you both?

    What is your MBTI type?


    How sure are you that he still has feelings for you? It sounds like he broke up with you. If that's the case, he's probably sure in his decision. Most of the times, when an ISTJ says something, they mean it, unless it's some kind of emotional outburst. But based on your circumstances of still sleeping together and fooling around, it sounds like you were transferred from girlfriend to FWB. In his mind, there was something that wasn't working on that most intimate level between you and him.

    What were the issues that you and he kept discussing? What were the things that he complained about? Were they things that were part of your personality (you know, things you couldn't help, like being introverted or very abstract in thought), or were they things that you could help, but felt that he just had to accept (maybe you wore too much black)? You have to recognize the things that led him to break up. If they were things you could change, then maybe in the future when you have both matured, you'll have another shot. But if they relate to aspects of your personality, then it's better to cut your losses and keep moving. He may or may not change in that respect.

  8. #138
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    Honestly, I am an ENFP...

    I think that says enough about the situation right there. My results are not always consistant when I take that MB test. Without fail I am an extrovert and a feeler, however the other two letters (S/N and P/J) are almost perfectly balanced. I am more of an E(S/N)F(P/J) but that is not a category :-)

    We are both 20.

    Hm, I'm trying to think about the issues. I wasn't lazy or too laid back or anything. I like to be on time to things and enjoy cleaning and knowing where my things are. I love to dance and have fun... he complained once that I was too spontaneous for him... which yea, that may be true!

    Haha no I don't wear too much black. He always complimented me on how I look, dress, and carry myself.

    He told me after I decided to stop sleeping with him that he still has feelings for me, but not feelings like he wants to date. He wouldn't tell me the reasons why we don't work so I dropped the subject.

    I think I should just continue to move on. I don't think I can re-spark his interest again once he's decided he doesn't want to date. But at least I learned a lot from the experience.

  9. #139
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    do all ISTJs live in dread fear of someone they aren't REALLY close too drinking out of thier glass or less than immaculate silverwear in resteraunts, or is it just mine?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #140
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    do all ISTJs live in dread fear of someone they aren't REALLY close too drinking out of thier glass or less than immaculate silverwear in resteraunts, or is it just mine?
    I pretty much do, yeah. It's not "dread fear," but it is gross and I don't allow people to do it. If a family member tries some food with a fork, then hands me the fork and says, "Try it, it's good!" I just respond, "...You used that fork."
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

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