[ISTJ] Calling all ISTJ women!

[Himself]

I've recently become rather smitten with a family friend. We saw each other (only platonically, at this point) on several occasions over our respective winter breaks (we're both juniors in college), and had quite a lot of fun seeing movies, chatting, etc. She actually seems to be rather tolerant of, even amused by, my general INTP quirkiness. Do any ISTJ women here have any experience with INTP men? I know there's the standard disclaimer about "any two types can work", but in general, is ISTJ an alright match for INTPs?

 

[MBTI Enthusiast]

Well, I can't say I've been in a romantic relationship with an INTP, but my dad is one, and I also am acquainted with another (male).

Overall, I think I get along with them pretty well, but that might stem from the mutual introversion; neither of us are interested in stirring up trouble. However, I do believe that the S/N and J/P divide can be very obvious and could be potentially disruptive to the relationship. After all, those letters are the basis of our temperament! For instance, I get annoyed and distant whenever my dad starts spouting off ideas on how to improve something that doesn't need to be improved in my opinion, or it isn't his place to improve it. Also, I take much of what he says with a grain of salt because he always has these big ideas and theories that he rarely follows through with. Growing up in such a messy environment was difficult as well. On the other hand, I'm sure he would be surprised and disappointed to learn exactly how non-rebellious I really am, and that I tend to follow rules and authority blindly, like a sheep he might say. Still, if we put all that aside, oftentimes we find the same things humorous and the time spent with him is very comfortable.

Does the conversation between you two flow easily? Does she seem to mind discussing more "intuitive", worldly matters? Or are you compromising and discussing the more day-to-day topics of Sensors? If there is no problem there, then maybe she is more comfortable with her Ne than I am. Regardless, I agree with what you say... any type relationship is worth a shot.

 

[Himself]

Thanks for the feedback. I know what you mean about the SJ/NP divide; I dated an ISFJ for a couple of years, and it ended rather poorly.

But to answer your main question, she doesn't seem to really mind discuss more N-type subjects -- at least she didn't when I brought them up. For example, we went to go see Up in the Air and Avatar together, and in both cases, we had a pretty good conversation afterward dissecting them, so to speak. (Ex.: one of the things I brought up to her as wondering about in Avatar was what the evolutionary impetus/mechanism for the creatures' neural-connection had to have been to bring it about. She was intrigued by the idea, as well; it probably helps that she's a pre-med student.)

So, on the face of it, she seems like she's got a decent Ne function. As you can probably tell from my strong N expression, I tend not to have much use for the "day-to-day" stuff that Sensors typically occupy themselves with. (No offense intended, of course; I just like living in my head way too much.) If she were too strong of an Sensor, I think we'd have issues.

 

[Himself]

61 views and only one respondent? Surely MBTI Enthusiast can't be the only one here with some insights! (Or maybe my question was just that simple?)

As an addendum, lest I've offended any SJs/ISFJs by bringing up my ISFJ ex, I should note she was probably not the healthiest example of the type -- I don't generalize her behaviors to SJs overall.

 

[MBTI Enthusiast]

Hah. I know from personal experience that ISFJ/INTP relationships aren't too hot... my mom happens to be a ISFJ, and they definitely are not the happiest couple.

But back to the point, what you said about your ISTJ sounds reassuring. I also like to dissect movies/make fun of them/find plot holes, but I don't think I would ever analyze it that deeply. Good luck wooing her in the future!

And of course I'm not offended... I'm a thinker! Haha just kidding.

 

[runvardh]

I wonder how much having to remind others would annoy you guys...

 

[Himself]

Hah. I know from personal experience that ISFJ/INTP relationships aren't too hot... my mom happens to be a ISFJ, and they definitely are not the happiest couple.

But back to the point, what you said about your ISTJ sounds reassuring. I also like to dissect movies/make fun of them/find plot holes, but I don't think I would ever analyze it that deeply. Good luck wooing her in the future!

And of course I'm not offended... I'm a thinker! Haha just kidding.

Well, I'm glad to know it wasn't just my shortcomings, then. I've recently been reading a lot of stuff about SJ-NP relationships, and had I been cognizant of the very different ways in which ISFJs and INTPs tend to approach a relationship, we might've been able to make things work. That said, I had a very intense period of "resetting" myself and a massive burst in self-awareness after that break-up, so maybe it was for the best.

Appreciate the well-wishes, and your insight. Thanks again.

I wonder how much having to remind others would annoy you guys...

What do you mean? As we INTPs are wont to do, I demand clarity! (I jest.)

 

[IZthe411]

I'm not a woman, but I am an ISTJ.


And based on this right here

I: 95%; N: 95%; T: 68%; P: 89%

You must be very close to that textbook definition of your type! They say most of what's considered 'cute' and 'different' at first becomes the cause for stains in the future.

Based on that, she might be up to discussing the abstact in the beginning, but what will it be like once you and her get a little more involved? If she asks you a direct question, and is looking or a a concrete discussion, but your 95% Ne takes it somewhere left field? You say you 'tend to not have much use' for the day to day, are you willing to accomodate her need to go there from time to time?

I don't know much about this girl, but there would have to be a lot of communication between you two.

Both of you are young, so there's probably no commitment for anything permanent here. Just go with it, see where it goes with the understanding there will be some conflicts from time to time, based on type. Hopefully she's on to her MBTI description and knows about herself enough to recognize places where she could be more flexible.

 

[Himself]

MBTI Enthusiast: weirdly enough, that ISFJ ex took the same MyPersonality test whose results I link to in my sig, and she tested as an INFP, although she's close enough on three of her variables to almost be an Ixxx (I: 68%; N: 58%; F: 58% P: 53%). I found this weird, especially since, upon reflection, this (admittedly quite biased) summary of how INTP-ISFJ relationships tend to break down was pretty accurate in my case.

Granted, it's been about 18 months since we finally broke up, but I think she's old enough that her type shouldn't have significantly changed. That said, maybe the original MBTI test she took to get that ISFJ result wasn't as accurate as this one. (Though I took the same one and it got me right.)

There isn't really a point to this; I'm just thinking out loud, so to speak. I just thought it was weird.

You must be very close to that textbook definition of your type! They say most of what's considered 'cute' and 'different' at first becomes the cause for stains in the future.

Based on that, she might be up to discussing the abstact in the beginning, but what will it be like once you and her get a little more involved? If she asks you a direct question, and is looking or a a concrete discussion, but your 95% Ne takes it somewhere left field? You say you 'tend to not have much use' for the day to day, are you willing to accomodate her need to go there from time to time?

I don't know much about this girl, but there would have to be a lot of communication between you two.

Both of you are young, so there's probably no commitment for anything permanent here. Just go with it, see where it goes with the understanding there will be some conflicts from time to time, based on type. Hopefully she's on to her MBTI description and knows about herself enough to recognize places where she could be more flexible.

That's quite alright; I've seen some of your other posts here, and thought they were insightful, so I appreciate your feedback.

You're right about me being pretty close to the prototypical INTP; most of the descriptions out there you'll read about INTPs are dead-on w/r/t me. You're also right that there's no particular pressure for a permanent lifelong relationship, although since my Fe is rather malnourished, I have a tendency to go into relationships with a very serious mindset (viz. "childlike" love). Having had the benefit of experience with a couple of relationships now, I think I know enough about myself and others to be able to tone that down to a healthier level, where I don't get flayed, emotionally speaking, if things don't work out.

W/r/t to restraining my need for abstraction from time to time to accommodate day-to-day matters, I think I could manage it. I'd certainly have a better chance of doing it this time around than in previous relationships, given my greater self-awareness. I think she's got enough awareness about her own type to know our differences and work around them. Only one way to find out if I'm right, though...and that's where I actually have to do something (the bane of many INTPs). I'll report back if anything happens (if you kind folks care to hear it).

 

[Giggly]

ISTJ women don't seem to notice the N/S divide. Which is really cool.

 

[Himself]

ISTJ women don't seem to notice the N/S divide. Which is really cool.

A definite plus, in my case. The less N/S friction, the better.

Excellent avatar, by the way.

 

[CzeCze]

Hmm, I think if you have a good vibe you should go with it and MBT be damned! Because I think according to MBT - ISTJ/INTP is an odd pairing. Also, I think the fact she accepts your quirkiness is a good thing.

I have a good ISTJ friend and her relationship with INTPs is touch and go. There is a lot of difference within the INTP range though, especially in regards to general sociability and extraversion and also moodiness (yes, INTPs can be hella moody, I know enough irl that if anyone tells me different I will laugh and say HA! in your face).

I think for my ISTJ friend, when people (regardless of type) are too in their heads and not communicating, it REALLY throws a wrench in things. Because, imho, ISTJs are not naturally gifted at understanding what people are feeling/what is motivating them *and* empathizing.

She totally does not get nor really wants to delve to deeoly into 1 INTP we know, with another she had a huge falling out largely precipated by lack of communication and the INTP seemingly becoming hostile without explanation, and a third, she is on good terms with (after a rough patch)

In this case, seriously, screw MBT. I would only refer to it once you hit upon problems, until then, you can have an optimistic and clear head.

 

[Himself]

Hmm, I think if you have a good vibe you should go with it and MBT be damned! Because I think according to MBT - ISTJ/INTP is an odd pairing. Also, I think the fact she accepts your quirkiness is a good thing.

I have a good ISTJ friend and her relationship with INTPs is touch and go. There is a lot of difference within the INTP range though, especially in regards to general sociability and extraversion and also moodiness (yes, INTPs can be hella moody, I know enough irl that if anyone tells me different I will laugh and say HA! in your face).

I think for my ISTJ friend, when people (regardless of type) are too in their heads and not communicating, it REALLY throws a wrench in things. Because, imho, ISTJs are not naturally gifted at understanding what people are feeling/what is motivating them *and* empathizing.

She totally does not get nor really wants to delve to deeoly into 1 INTP we know, with another she had a huge falling out largely precipated by lack of communication and the INTP seemingly becoming hostile without explanation, and a third, she is on good terms with (after a rough patch)

In this case, seriously, screw MBT. I would only refer to it once you hit upon problems, until then, you can have an optimistic and clear head.

No denying the moodiness here. I've had some pretty epic brooding sessions in the past.

I try not to be obsessed with Myers-Briggs, but I do tend to focus very strongly on topics I find interesting. (Plus, it helps me understand these mysterious beings you call "people." )

On a serious note, I wholeheartedly agree with the major point of your advice. I'm definitely going to be putting M-B aside in my interactions with her. (Since I'm not an obsessive MBTI evangelist, this ought not to be too difficult.) Hopefully if there are any problems -- if this even goes anywhere -- our respective understanding of MBTI will be able to help.

Thanks for the insight. You guys have all been great.

 

[IZthe411]

No problem, man

Let us know how it goes!