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  1. #1
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Default ISTJ & trying to have fun... ugh

    OK, I really do not intend to offend anyone, I am just really trying to understand how to fix this problem, or to just find out of it is even fixable. I just want to understand!

    i've noticed with a particular ISTJ:

    If friends decide to go out/do something that an ISTJ doesn't want to do/doesn't enjoy doing... why do they still tag along?? He still insists on coming, and while he is there, he is noticeably and obviously not having any fun. He doesnt try to have fun, he just has it made up in his mind that it is not entertaining, therefore it will never be entertaining. For instance, going to a friends house where he consistently does not enjoy going to, or going out to clubs or bars which isn't his thing. He never has fun and he doesn't try to, and it brings down the whole group. It's like everything has to stop to make sure that he is having a good time (maybe it's just me wanting him to have a good time). Why does he still insist on coming out if he knows it always ends up the same??

    Do other ISTJs relate to this? or is it an introverted thing?
    What is going through his mind during is.. could he actually be trying to have fun and I just don't see it?

    Ugh...WHY CANT HE JUST MAKE THE BEST OF IT?? If he is already there, why not try and have fun? No one likes to not have fun... I go to things that I do not enjoy but i atleast try and have fun and almost 100% of the time, i do!

    Please, what am I missing?

  2. #2
    Member Sam Spade's Avatar
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    If he's anything like me, he's probably just participating in those activities to humor someone and feels absolutely out of place. My definition of 'fun' is the polar opposite of most young people's. I loathe clubs, etc (too E). I'd rather have drinks with friends and talk about random crap than go clubbing and participate in 'the scene.'
    "Knights had no meaning in this game. It wasn't a game for knights."

  3. #3
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    He might not enjoy the activity themselves, but there is a chance he enjoys the people. Don't pay attention to him. Chances are he's deriving satisfaction from just being in the environment even if the activity doesn't interest him that much, otherwise he wouldn't have come along. I doubt he's constantly thinking: "I don't want to be here" if he chose to put himself there.

    The only other scenario where the above may be true is if he was involuntary forced to attend or felt compelled to do so because of a particular person or to maintain group harmony. But that's just silliness.

  4. #4
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Not true of all ISTJs.

    Speaking for myself, I know that sometimes the thought of an event that involves a lot of people will sicken me, but I find that once I'm there I usually have a lot of fun, esp after a I have a couple of dranks!

    I'm very close to the I/E border, though; so I don't mind socializing and stuff. When it's over though, I'm finding a dark corner. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    He still insists on coming, and while he is there, he is noticeably and obviously not having any fun. He doesnt try to have fun, he just has it made up in his mind that it is not entertaining, therefore it will never be entertaining.
    How do you know he's not having any fun? ENFPs and ISTJs show their feelings in very different way...

    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Do other ISTJs relate to this? or is it an introverted thing? What is going through his mind during is.. could he actually be trying to have fun and I just don't see it?
    Well, too crowded places set me on edge... I feel like drowning in places such as clubs. It's just too much noise and external stimulus going on. We (intros) are rather delicate thins in such matters.

    And perhaps the ISTJ is tagging along to show he's always with you... ISTJ do things often because they feel obligated to do so... And quite often with happy hearts.

    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Ugh...WHY CANT HE JUST MAKE THE BEST OF IT??
    This is a question I ask myself too... why can't I just have fun like everyone else. I just feel so outsider amongst ordinary people at the clubs.

    My definition of fun involves max 4 people, a good (board) game and some drinks. That's fun and relaxing. And cheap.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  6. #6
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Some of the things you mentioned remind me of how I was when I was around 14-15 years old. Looking back over 10 years later at that time, I probably looked inexplicable to most other people. Especially those who thought along the sort of line you mention, i.e. why not just lighten up and try to make the best of it. I just didn't experience things as simply as that, plus I had a lot of problems and things going on I didn't talk to friends about and my life was rather complicated. They didn't know about those things at all. I didn't have the mental space to have fun, but if I was invited by my fun friends to something, sure, I accepted and would tag along even though it wasn't that enjoyable for me. It was a passivity problem I guess. Drifting and observing on the outside while having a lot on my plate on the inside that I felt I had to handle alone.

    If you really want to know why he isn't having fun, you could try talking to him and getting to know him better. If it's not any deep issue, then I guess you two just don't hit it off. I don't know if it's a general ISTJ thing but personally, as long as I'm being decent enough, I don't see it as my responsibility to act in a way that isn't natural for me just to please people and be what they expect or want me to be. And I have noticed that yes, this can be irritating to certain people.

  7. #7
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    I don't know why he's doing that. If I don't want to go, even with friends, then I'll just sit that one out (though if that's the only chance I'm going to get to hang out with my friends, I'm probably going to take it, yes). Maybe he wants to spend time with friends, and isn't excited by the specific plans but hopes it'll turn out to be more fun than he thinks. (When it doesn't, he ends up wishing he hadn't bothered coming along.)

    I have acted like that before, it sounds familiar, but not if I hadn't wanted to hang out with friends in the first place.
    Last edited by Cimarron; 02-07-2010 at 09:39 AM. Reason: I do identify
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  8. #8
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    And perhaps the ISTJ is tagging along to show he's always with you... ISTJ do things often because they feel obligated to do so... And quite often with happy hearts.
    This is true.

  9. #9
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbah View Post

    If you really want to know why he isn't having fun, you could try talking to him and getting to know him better. If it's not any deep issue, then I guess you two just don't hit it off. I don't know if it's a general ISTJ thing but personally, as long as I'm being decent enough, I don't see it as my responsibility to act in a way that isn't natural for me just to please people and be what they expect or want me to be. And I have noticed that yes, this can be irritating to certain people.

    This is true as well.

    I think my ex failed to fully understand me, and if she did she didn't have what it took to deal with it.

    I remember one time early on she was 'hurt' when I was happy that, due to weather, a trip to Six Flags in early November was canceled, due to weather. She thought it meant I didn't want to be with her; I just didn't want to be with a bunch of screaming people in the cold.

    Like I said, most times I end up enjoying myself immensely. But the thought of some upcoming social event doesn't sit well with me; it makes me nervous and anxious.

  10. #10
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Usually I'll go and after being there for a while, I will end up having a good time. Either that, or I'll do what Cim said and sit that night out.

    To me, this ISTJ doesn't sound like he is very mature....
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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