He did mention that this particular place we were at recently was too loud, too flashy, too crowded. His idea to make things better was him sit out in the lounge by himself while all the rest of us were inside having fun. How is this a win-win situation? Everyone is bummed that he is having a lousy time. Why not just leave?
I am catching the theme of him wanting to do it because he feels the need to be there and show his obligation, but I think he'd much rather not be there, and sometimes, i feel the same if he is going to act like that. I dont enjoy clubs or dancing either, not at all actually, but I will just try and make the best of the situation if I have to be there.
He does say what you mentioned about wondering why can't he just have fun? He says that he feels odd and like somethings wrong with him. I try not to make him feel that way, It makes me sad when I see ISTJs get sensitive like that.
The bolded part.... can you elaborate? If you know that you actions may be ruining the group's fun, you aren't willing to try and make things better?
And I can see this being a problem, just as my extreme ENFP preferences can be a problem for me.