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  1. #1
    Junior Member Leanne_92's Avatar
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    Default ISTJs: how do you like being treated in a relationship?

    I've read threads about ISTJs and how they relate to people, but what do they want/LIKE in a romantic relationship?

    E.g. Do ISTJs like doing coupley things like cuddling or reading, or would they rather have a solid practical things done FOR them?

    Would they be happy to go along with non-goal-oriented activities? I once went out with an ISTJ who chatted with me as we walked randomly for over 2 hours, just because I thought it would be fun to walk on random streets to see where they led... was he clawing the walls inside?

    Also, what sort of behaviour is the deal breaker in a relationship? The same ISTJ broke up with a gf not because anything huge happened... he said it was "just little things that struck and struck". I'm not entirely sure what that means. Is it more probable that she didn't consider him enough, or she didn't do enough?

  2. #2
    Member Sam Spade's Avatar
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    I do like doing the coupley things with my lady. I'd normally not want to walk around randomly for 2 hours, but if I really liked the person I wouldn't care lol.
    "Knights had no meaning in this game. It wasn't a game for knights."

  3. #3
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    I'll start off and say that while I'm an ISTJ, I do like interaction with people, and I would love to do couply stuff with a girl that I'm really into. I wouldn't mind walking and talking, doing random stuff, if we both can keep it interesting. Not saying that I feel like this all the time, as an I-vert after a while I want some recharge time, but generally I like to be out and about with someone I'm digging.

    I'm NOT a cuddler. I'm wierd with intentional affection. I think too much about it, and I become uncomfortable. When it's time for SEX, though, I can be all over you. Again, not saying I'm never into it, but it's not something I run to. I like a girl who is a little more forward with me if she wants it. If I know she's looking for it, I'll be more inclined to give it to her.

    I'll admit I'm not the biggest romantic. "I Love You" doesn't roll off my tongue as easily and frequently as most women would like. I show it in my actions, do things for you that I wouldn't do for just anyone.

    What means the most to me are things that are practical. They show me you care, even the small things. If I say I need some new tube socks, as an example, and you pick them up for me, that's good. If you are at the supermarket, and call and ask if I need anything, that is good. A nice home cooked meal is a winner too. I love watches. It's not that I'm sitting back expecting you to do anything for me, because I can do all of these things myself. It's when you offer to do them, and in some cases just do them without offering, without expectation of something in return. You will get something; but if you are doing it just to get something out of it, it loses all its appeal.

    Deal breakers? I'd say not really understanding me, or really seeking to understand me. I can be stubborn, but I like someone who is persistent. Not that I'm purposefully putting you through hell, but I like someone who can help me become a better man, and draw out those qualities in me. I'm the same way. I'm looking to upgrade my woman- she needs to be able to do the same for me. If a woman takes this personally, I probably won't be with her. If she can't handle this, it won't work.

  4. #4
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    I think the above post can be summed up in one sentence: Show me that you care about my existence. In return, I'll cuddle with you into the wee hours of the night and we'll have mind blowing sex.

    I just broke up with a gf because she was sleeping with a bunch of guys and didn't tell me, so yeah.


  5. #5
    Senior Member simpleamazement's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leanne_92 View Post
    I've read threads about ISTJs and how they relate to people, but what do they want/LIKE in a romantic relationship?

    E.g. Do ISTJs like doing coupley things like cuddling or reading, or would they rather have a solid practical things done FOR them?

    Would they be happy to go along with non-goal-oriented activities? I once went out with an ISTJ who chatted with me as we walked randomly for over 2 hours, just because I thought it would be fun to walk on random streets to see where they led... was he clawing the walls inside?

    Also, what sort of behaviour is the deal breaker in a relationship? The same ISTJ broke up with a gf not because anything huge happened... he said it was "just little things that struck and struck". I'm not entirely sure what that means. Is it more probable that she didn't consider him enough, or she didn't do enough?
    Yeah, we like both...with a balance. Cuddling, yes, in moderation. Reading, uh, how about showing each other funny stuff in a book or magazine or something. Reading is kinda a solitary thing...especially when E's are around. We love things done for us. Little things that show you care. Doesn't have to be extravagant.

    Yes, I'd be happy doing a non-goal oriented activity once in awhile. Something spontaneous...especially on a weekend or whenever we have time off work.

    Deal breaker? Being clingy, whining, nagging, cheating, and dishonesty.

  6. #6
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simpleamazement View Post
    Yeah, we like both...with a balance. Cuddling, yes, in moderation. Reading, uh, how about showing each other funny stuff in a book or magazine or something. Reading is kinda a solitary thing...especially when E's are around. We love things done for us. Little things that show you care. Doesn't have to be extravagant.

    Yes, I'd be happy doing a non-goal oriented activity once in awhile. Something spontaneous...especially on a weekend or whenever we have time off work.

    Deal breaker? Being clingy, whining, nagging, cheating, and dishonesty.

    Dishonesty is one where an ISTJ may be more extreme. We live by the 'mean what you say' rule, so if you say something, I expect you to live by it. Any deviation may raise my eyebrows. I think some people, espectially females, may like to express that they are capable of doing things, when in reality they may have little experience, and it not really be a skill of theirs. I find that to be deceitful. I'd rather a girl be honest and say what she can and can't do, then big up her abilities and leave me disappointed. It's not a dealbreaker but it can produce a bad image in an ISTJ's mind.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    What means the most to me are things that are practical. They show me you care, even the small things. If I say I need some new tube socks, as an example, and you pick them up for me, that's good. If you are at the supermarket, and call and ask if I need anything, that is good. A nice home cooked meal is a winner too. I love watches. It's not that I'm sitting back expecting you to do anything for me, because I can do all of these things myself. It's when you offer to do them, and in some cases just do them without offering, without expectation of something in return. You will get something; but if you are doing it just to get something out of it, it loses all its appeal.
    Ahh..true romance...

  8. #8
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sam Spade View Post
    I do like doing the coupley things with my lady. I'd normally not want to walk around randomly for 2 hours, but if I really liked the person I wouldn't care lol.
    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    Dishonesty is one where an ISTJ may be more extreme. We live by the 'mean what you say' rule, so if you say something, I expect you to live by it. Any deviation may raise my eyebrows. I think some people, espectially females, may like to express that they are capable of doing things, when in reality they may have little experience, and it not really be a skill of theirs. I find that to be deceitful. I'd rather a girl be honest and say what she can and can't do, then big up her abilities and leave me disappointed. It's not a dealbreaker but it can produce a bad image in an ISTJ's mind.
    These two things.

    I like a girl shows that she cares about me. If she can do that, good things will happen.
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Ahh..true romance...
    LOL- I'm not hard to please.

  10. #10
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    This has been a very interesting insight into the ISTJ psyche. *feels more informed*

    My grandfather was an ISTJ. He truly worshiped my ESFP grandmother. They were together since college and even long periods apart seemed to be nothing for them. I have a big stack of their love letters, letters he held onto and kept in a wooden box that we discovered later after his death.

    Whoever said ISTJs can't have an intense romantic side is clearly wrong.

    He wasn't a demonstrative man. He showed his love by taking care of us. The only time in my life when things felt safe and stable was when he was alive, and I still cry when I think about it. It meant everything in the world to me.
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