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[ISTJ] ISTJs: how do you like being treated in a relationship?

Leanne_92

New member
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Dec 17, 2009
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19
MBTI Type
INFP
I've read threads about ISTJs and how they relate to people, but what do they want/LIKE in a romantic relationship?

E.g. Do ISTJs like doing coupley things like cuddling or reading, or would they rather have a solid practical things done FOR them?

Would they be happy to go along with non-goal-oriented activities? I once went out with an ISTJ who chatted with me as we walked randomly for over 2 hours, just because I thought it would be fun to walk on random streets to see where they led... was he clawing the walls inside?

Also, what sort of behaviour is the deal breaker in a relationship? The same ISTJ broke up with a gf not because anything huge happened... he said it was "just little things that struck and struck". I'm not entirely sure what that means. Is it more probable that she didn't consider him enough, or she didn't do enough?
 

Sam Spade

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Jun 24, 2009
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ISTj
I do like doing the coupley things with my lady. I'd normally not want to walk around randomly for 2 hours, but if I really liked the person I wouldn't care lol.
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
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Jul 19, 2009
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2,585
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INTJ
I'll start off and say that while I'm an ISTJ, I do like interaction with people, and I would love to do couply stuff with a girl that I'm really into. I wouldn't mind walking and talking, doing random stuff, if we both can keep it interesting. Not saying that I feel like this all the time, as an I-vert after a while I want some recharge time, but generally I like to be out and about with someone I'm digging.

I'm NOT a cuddler. I'm wierd with intentional affection. I think too much about it, and I become uncomfortable. When it's time for SEX, though, I can be all over you. Again, not saying I'm never into it, but it's not something I run to. I like a girl who is a little more forward with me if she wants it. If I know she's looking for it, I'll be more inclined to give it to her.

I'll admit I'm not the biggest romantic. "I Love You" doesn't roll off my tongue as easily and frequently as most women would like. I show it in my actions, do things for you that I wouldn't do for just anyone.

What means the most to me are things that are practical. They show me you care, even the small things. If I say I need some new tube socks, as an example, and you pick them up for me, that's good. If you are at the supermarket, and call and ask if I need anything, that is good. A nice home cooked meal is a winner too. I love watches. It's not that I'm sitting back expecting you to do anything for me, because I can do all of these things myself. It's when you offer to do them, and in some cases just do them without offering, without expectation of something in return. You will get something; but if you are doing it just to get something out of it, it loses all its appeal.

Deal breakers? I'd say not really understanding me, or really seeking to understand me. I can be stubborn, but I like someone who is persistent. Not that I'm purposefully putting you through hell, but I like someone who can help me become a better man, and draw out those qualities in me. I'm the same way. I'm looking to upgrade my woman- she needs to be able to do the same for me. If a woman takes this personally, I probably won't be with her. If she can't handle this, it won't work.
 

raz

Let's make this showy!
Joined
Nov 11, 2008
Messages
2,523
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LoLz
I think the above post can be summed up in one sentence: Show me that you care about my existence. In return, I'll cuddle with you into the wee hours of the night and we'll have mind blowing sex.

I just broke up with a gf because she was sleeping with a bunch of guys and didn't tell me, so yeah.
 

simpleamazement

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Nov 23, 2008
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I've read threads about ISTJs and how they relate to people, but what do they want/LIKE in a romantic relationship?

E.g. Do ISTJs like doing coupley things like cuddling or reading, or would they rather have a solid practical things done FOR them?

Would they be happy to go along with non-goal-oriented activities? I once went out with an ISTJ who chatted with me as we walked randomly for over 2 hours, just because I thought it would be fun to walk on random streets to see where they led... was he clawing the walls inside?

Also, what sort of behaviour is the deal breaker in a relationship? The same ISTJ broke up with a gf not because anything huge happened... he said it was "just little things that struck and struck". I'm not entirely sure what that means. Is it more probable that she didn't consider him enough, or she didn't do enough?

Yeah, we like both...with a balance. Cuddling, yes, in moderation. Reading, uh, how about showing each other funny stuff in a book or magazine or something. Reading is kinda a solitary thing...especially when E's are around. We love things done for us. Little things that show you care. Doesn't have to be extravagant.

Yes, I'd be happy doing a non-goal oriented activity once in awhile. Something spontaneous...especially on a weekend or whenever we have time off work.

Deal breaker? Being clingy, whining, nagging, cheating, and dishonesty.
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
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INTJ
Yeah, we like both...with a balance. Cuddling, yes, in moderation. Reading, uh, how about showing each other funny stuff in a book or magazine or something. Reading is kinda a solitary thing...especially when E's are around. We love things done for us. Little things that show you care. Doesn't have to be extravagant.

Yes, I'd be happy doing a non-goal oriented activity once in awhile. Something spontaneous...especially on a weekend or whenever we have time off work.

Deal breaker? Being clingy, whining, nagging, cheating, and dishonesty.


Dishonesty is one where an ISTJ may be more extreme. We live by the 'mean what you say' rule, so if you say something, I expect you to live by it. Any deviation may raise my eyebrows. I think some people, espectially females, may like to express that they are capable of doing things, when in reality they may have little experience, and it not really be a skill of theirs. I find that to be deceitful. I'd rather a girl be honest and say what she can and can't do, then big up her abilities and leave me disappointed. It's not a dealbreaker but it can produce a bad image in an ISTJ's mind.
 

Moiety

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Aug 3, 2008
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5,996
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ISFJ
What means the most to me are things that are practical. They show me you care, even the small things. If I say I need some new tube socks, as an example, and you pick them up for me, that's good. If you are at the supermarket, and call and ask if I need anything, that is good. A nice home cooked meal is a winner too. I love watches. It's not that I'm sitting back expecting you to do anything for me, because I can do all of these things myself. It's when you offer to do them, and in some cases just do them without offering, without expectation of something in return. You will get something; but if you are doing it just to get something out of it, it loses all its appeal.

Ahh..true romance...
 

d@v3

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Nov 20, 2008
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2,830
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ISTJ
I do like doing the coupley things with my lady. I'd normally not want to walk around randomly for 2 hours, but if I really liked the person I wouldn't care lol.

Dishonesty is one where an ISTJ may be more extreme. We live by the 'mean what you say' rule, so if you say something, I expect you to live by it. Any deviation may raise my eyebrows. I think some people, espectially females, may like to express that they are capable of doing things, when in reality they may have little experience, and it not really be a skill of theirs. I find that to be deceitful. I'd rather a girl be honest and say what she can and can't do, then big up her abilities and leave me disappointed. It's not a dealbreaker but it can produce a bad image in an ISTJ's mind.
These two things. :yes:

I like a girl shows that she cares about me. If she can do that, good things will happen. :)
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
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This has been a very interesting insight into the ISTJ psyche. :) *feels more informed*

My grandfather was an ISTJ. He truly worshiped my ESFP grandmother. They were together since college and even long periods apart seemed to be nothing for them. I have a big stack of their love letters, letters he held onto and kept in a wooden box that we discovered later after his death.

Whoever said ISTJs can't have an intense romantic side is clearly wrong.

He wasn't a demonstrative man. He showed his love by taking care of us. The only time in my life when things felt safe and stable was when he was alive, and I still cry when I think about it. It meant everything in the world to me.
 

ajblaise

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Alright, you get the idea....
 

Sam Spade

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Jun 24, 2009
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My grandfather was an ISTJ. He truly worshiped my ESFP grandmother. They were together since college and even long periods apart seemed to be nothing for them. I have a big stack of their love letters, letters he held onto and kept in a wooden box that we discovered later after his death.

Whoever said ISTJs can't have an intense romantic side is clearly wrong.

This is true, though no one knows about it apart from our partners. My girlfriend was shocked when I started being romantic because it's not a part of myself that I let others see.
 

IZthe411

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Seems like ISTJs (if I may generalize from this) are not hard to please then! I would naturally do all this for someone I like... :blush:


Then you got a good start. BUT every ISTJ has things that annoy them, things that might be overlooked by you or other types. You may get a reaction from them for something, but you don't know why. Eventually you'll find out, think it's stupid for him to get so caught up on something so small, and come back to this board to post about it. Consider yourself warned. ;)
 

Cimarron

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That's a question. Would I?
Hehe, I'm just saying that when I think it's obvious that I'm showing I care about someone, it often looks kind of lacking if judged moment-to-moment or by outward signals. In other words, not a lot of surface feedback for your troubles.

Okay, your topic question:
Nothing wrong with "couple" things, sounds great when in a couple. What do you mean by "practical things done for them?" You mean like having a maid? I don't get this...when I care about someone like this, I honestly don't think much about what she "could be doing for me," I think more about what I could be doing for her. Knowing it's appreciated (big emphasis) is what I'd really want in return.
 
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IZthe411

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INTJ
oooh now that sounds ominous. have any examples? :shock:


Te

Like I don't like people being late. So I hate the 'be there in 5 minutes' and it's actually 15. So if you are at my house 10:15 instead of 10:05, then you have annoyed me. In your mind, it might be that you are only a few minutes late, and no big deal, but you told me 5 mins but were actually 15. I'd rather you say you'd be 15 minutes late, and let me be mad at that. But to say 5 minutes late and then tack on an extra 10 minutes is lack of preparation and a lie. You know what, in that case, just say you are going to be 20 minutes late and beat it by 5. That actually lessens the damage.

That's a more obvious example.


Personally, I don't like sloppy use of the english language. I would get frustrated when my girlfriend used wrong tenses or just bad grammar. Since she didn't recognize what she said, I'd catch it and inside start to tighten up over it. But she wouldn't know if I didn't bring it up, since I'm an introvert.

Each ISTJs list of things that piss them off is different, so it's something you'll learn over time.
 
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