[ISTJ] ISTJs: how do you like being treated in a relationship?

[Leanne_92]

What do you mean by "practical things done for them?" You mean like having a maid? I don't get this...when I care about someone like this, I honestly don't think much about what she "could be doing for me," I think more about what I could be doing for her. Knowing it's appreciated (big emphasis) is what I'd really want in return.

To clarify that, I meant to ask if ISTJs would prefer spending time together (a more passive, "together" thing) or doing things for each other (an "action" thing). But that was only an example. The main question is what do ISTJs want/like in a romantic relationship? What are the good points you see in a relationship that actually make you put the relationship on your internal list of things?

 

[Leanne_92]

...wouldn't know if I didn't bring it up, since I'm an introvert.

Each ISTJs list of things that piss them off is different, so it's something you'll learn over time.

OMG it's a minefield.

 

[IZthe411]

OMG it's a minefield.

Calm the Ne down!!!!

It's not as bad as it sounds, like I said most are small things, and you may not take them personally. It's just a reality with ISTJs, though. If you are really into the guy, and he's really into you, it will be fine.

Hope you aren't overly sensitive; Dom Fi can be that way sometime. That will help you.

 

[Gerbah]

What are the good points you see in a relationship that actually make you put the relationship on your internal list of things?

Apart from the things that any person would want from a long-term relationship, like shared values, honesty, stability, etc. I think an ISTJ likes it when the other person can really rock their world, make things more extreme and fun and unpredictable, like, intensity, craziness, something like that. Something that makes the ISTJ feel like, ok, you're cool! Let's go! Together! Forever! At least, that's what I like

 

[IZthe411]

Apart from the things that any person would want from a long-term relationship, like shared values, honesty, stability, etc. I think an ISTJ likes it when the other person can really rock their world, make things more extreme and fun and unpredictable, like, intensity, craziness, something like that. Something that makes the ISTJ feel like, ok, you're cool! Let's go! Together! Forever! At least, that's what I like

I'm with you, Gerbah. I don't see myself with another introvert- because I like what an E has to offer. Of course it's out of my comfort zone but I do want the challenge of being brought out of my comfort zone.

OP, I don't know how long you've been together, but if you and he are pretty established, he'll most likely be accepting of different things you bring to the table. What I mean is don't play it safe for the sake of not pissing him off. If you try that you'll end up miserable.

 

[Gerbah]

OP, I don't know how long you've been together, but if you and he are pretty established, he'll most likely be accepting of different things you bring to the table. What I mean is don't play it safe for the sake of not pissing him off. If you try that you'll end up miserable.

Totally. Don't play it safe just to avoid problems. It's stifling. At least, I find it so. For me, the most suffocating relationship would be where everything has to be conventional and standard and familiar. ISTJs can provide enough safety for two. Give your ISTJ an adventure.

 

[IZthe411]

Totally. Don't play it safe just to avoid problems. It's stifling. At least, I find it so. For me, the most suffocating relationship would be where everything has to be conventional and standard and familiar. ISTJs can provide enough safety for two. Give your ISTJ an adventure.

Gerbah, how would you, as the ISTJ, feel about your girl if she played it safe to avoid you getting pissed?

 

[Gerbah]

Gerbah, how would you, as the ISTJ, feel about your girl if she played it safe to avoid you getting pissed?

I'm a girl. And I'm not into other girls!

I generally don't like avoiding things because otherwise they weigh on my mind and I want to be free of that. Based on people I've known and do know who have that kind of approach to life, I find their company stifling and unstimulating, even if they're nice and interesting in other ways.

 

[IZthe411]

I'm a girl. And I'm not into other girls!

I generally don't like avoiding things because otherwise they weigh on my mind and I want to be free of that. Based on people I've known and do know who have that kind of approach to life, I find their company stifling and unstimulating, even if they're nice and interesting in other ways.

OOPS!

My bad!

But your comment is on point. I'm the same way, as a tried and tested man.

Especially your word in bold. Even though they are frustrating at times, differences are what most likely attracted me. If you feel that I want you to stifle them, or worse, if you feel like you have to do that, to appease me, It's hard for me to respect you, and you are doing me a disservice. The last thing I want is the female me.

 

[Leanne_92]

Even though they are frustrating at times, differences are what most likely attracted me. If you feel that I want you to stifle them, or worse, if you feel like you have to do that, to appease me, It's hard for me to respect you, and you are doing me a disservice.

oh good, because that's how I feel.

the Fi is troublesome though. Let's say ISTJs like intense, adventurous, exciting (as listed previously)... as an INFP (borderline ENFP) I can offer that, no problems there, but I tend to crash and get moody. (There's got to be an underside to all that light and happiness, huh?) It doesn't bother me as I'm pretty used to myself -- I can yank myself out just fine -- but it bothers people who don't understand.

the ISTJ had a habit of asking me why I looked so sad, when really I was just drifting away somewhere. I wasn't even drifting into a sad place, more like a "huh? oh I can't remember what I was thinking about" place.

 

[Leanne_92]

OP, I don't know how long you've been together, but if you and he are pretty established, he'll most likely be accepting of different things you bring to the table.

actually... *little voice* we're not together. he rejected me months back, and we're just friends now. this whole thread is theoretical, also I find myself attracted to ISTJ types, so it's for future reference.

[Edit] I just found a VERY similar thread, all the way on the last page of Guardhouse threads: http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...do-sj-s-look-partner-crush-you-get-drift.html. Anyone wanna comment on those here?