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  1. #11
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halfjillhalfjack View Post
    what does she sound like to you?
    No idea but I'd agree she doesn't sound ISFJ. The whole situation sounds a little odd.

    In either case, I don't think email is a good way to confront or tackle such issues.

  2. #12
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    The "emotional blackmailing" is more of an SP thing, really. I haven't known any ISFJs who've done it. Hell, the ones I know wouldn't even know how.

  3. #13
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halfjillhalfjack View Post
    what does she sound like to you?
    Well there are a few things you said she did in your post that just really doesn't sound like something an ISFJ would do.

    For instance:

    Quote Originally Posted by Halfjillhalfjack View Post
    However, I sometimes feel a bit as if she is taking away my air to breathe....hard to describe. she is so demanding.....if she feels bad, she expects me to leave eveything I do at the moment and come to her to help her. I'd do that, but the problem starts if I fell pressured....because if I don't, she is really offened....
    That she's expecting you to drop what you're doing is very uncharacteristic of ISFJ's. From what I know they would typically bottle up any problems they're having and would take to an attitude of "it's my problem, not his". In fact usually we are the ones who are dropping everything we're doing to come to the aid of someone else.

    Also:

    wanted to tell of a specific event that happened yesterday.
    she had bought be a ticket to a concert which she'd thought I'd like (I'd still have to pay), and gave it to me as a suprise. I didn't have much time to think about it, because I was surprised, and took it. she said "I knew you wanted to go there"....and if I didn't have time she'd find someone else.
    That she'd buy you a gift as a surprise doesn't really surprise me. What does strike me as odd as that she'd still expect you to pay for it. Whenever I'm out with my crush I'm practically tripping over myself to pay for everything for her (Not because I'm trying to make her feel guilty or anything, but just because I really do like her and I do very much enjoy being really nice to her. But then that may have more to do with me being an Enneagram Type 2w1 than an ISFJ but I digress)

    Regardless, that again just sounds very uncharacteristic of ISFJs.

    IF she is an ISFJ, she sounds like a very immature ISFJ.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  4. #14
    Senior Member FeatheredFrenzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pettycure View Post
    The "emotional blackmailing" is more of an SP thing, really. I haven't known any ISFJs who've done it. Hell, the ones I know wouldn't even know how.
    Yeah, that's not really our style, I think. Honestly, I had to look up what it meant!

  5. #15
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    If it were me I'd go and pay for the ticket this time and then tell her to ask me next time before doing something like this.

    Unless she's a dolt, she should get it.

    People do make mistakes.

  6. #16
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Isn't it kind of crazy to buy something for somebody else and expecting him-her to pay for it?
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  7. #17
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Isn't it kind of crazy to buy something for somebody else and expecting him-her to pay for it?
    Yeah, but I get the feeling that the ISFJ was being stupid and made a mistake. Now of course the OP shouldn't have to pay for the ISFJ's mistake but the ISFJ doesn't seem to be owning up to her mistake and seems to be all mad that she made a mistake. Immature but I'm not sure if a good friendship is worth throwing away for this?

  8. #18
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I don't know. Reading the OP again, maybe the ISFJ is too demanding.

  9. #19
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    I see nothing wrong with what the ISFJ did. She gave the OP the option and said if the OP didn't want to go she would give it to someone else. It's not like she kidnapped the OP brought him/her to the concert pointed a gun at his/her head and then asked for him/her to pay for it afterward.

  10. #20
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    The thing is, she has been too demanding of me. of everyone she knows, I think. I have not brought up this as an issue, because then she would end the friendship (have seen her do this with other friends). I know you should be able to say this in a friendship. I don't really have a problem with her buying this ticket, I have a problem with the way she presented it, that really put me under pressure, as I tried to explain to her. I am really angry now because SHE only cares for her feelings, and it's always that way. I mean, she always says she is so sensitive and she really immediately helps you if you are in trouble, so its nothing wrong with expecting the same in return. the thing is that it is an overall kind of demanding behaviour. but what I'm angry about is that she now expects that I should have appologise. I have done say in an email, but she has NEVER said anything conerning my feelings, because she is busy being hurt. She expects me to take care of her feelings, appologise etc., but I was just saying something that she could do in a different way next time. I didn't said "Now I don't want the ticket"...I said I rally like to take it, and really appreciate what she did, but would really like it if she could ask me the next time before. I don't see what's wrong with uttering this!!! She said something I should do differently per mail some time ago, and it was also that I was just trying to help, and I just said "Okay, didn't meant to hurt you, if you don't like it, I'll do it differently". I hate that she does not see that she has done something wriong....it's not really that she has done something wrong, but I only asked her to do something differently in the future because I don't feel comfortable this way. It's always been me coming to her begging that we could talk about things......
    Last edited by Halfjillhalfjack; 02-02-2010 at 04:00 AM. Reason: wrong word

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