[ISFJ] ISFJ? What are they saying?

[hermeticdancer]

Is it just me or does anyone have trouble understanding ISFJs?
I think I am dating one. It seems like he can talk in circles about things, finish my sentences and attempt to empathize, but the things he says are very cliche and unoriginal. Also he tends to put words in my mouth, which I don't like. I've never experienced this before. He is fond of idioms, catch phrases, and pop culture. Sometimes, I worry if he has the ability to come up with an original thought in his own head...

He tested for ISTJ, INTJ, then ISFJ twice... I really don't know what to think other than he annoys me.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

First of all, why is an NF asking about an SJ in the NT forum?

Secondly, if he annoys you and all that, why are you dating him?

Personally, as an INTP, I don't find ISFJs very hard to understand at all, even if it's true that we clearly have different preferences. I'm also curious about how a person you descibe in such a way only gets IJ types as a result (INTJ really surprises me). Constantly regurtating empty ideas taken from the surrounding environment doesn't sound very IJ to me.

 

[hermeticdancer]

so you are saying, to dump him basically...
thank you bloated inflating bat avatar

 

[hermeticdancer]

do you know how people lie on their personality tests... that is what happened in his case...
He was baffled by it. First actually he tested ENFJ, then ISTJ... there is no way he is ENFJ... to me sometimes it feels like his actions are like those of an ESFP!

 

[kiddykat]

Imagine dating this person for another year or so.. If it's this annoying now, how would it be like 10 years down the line?

I recently dated a guy, whom.. let's say basically I felt I was conversing with a talking textbook. I mean, literally, anything I said would be counter argued with information irrelevant to what was said, but everything was about facts, facts, facts. I felt like it was a factoid conversation half of the times. The other half was me changing the topic onto something new, and again and again.. our discussion went around in circles and circles.

Probably the best thing I did was do us both of favor- drop it like it's hot.

I didn't want to waste his or my time, but I still like him as a person.. just not as a potential.

What is it about this person that's sustaining the interest?

 

[hermeticdancer]

physical chemistry, and that he is affectionate and makes me feel very good, and is a caring nice person, he gives me pleasure...

and then he drives me nuts...mentally
there is a lack of depth, we try to communicate, and I told him I want him to know me too. But its all about having fun, and doing things, and checking my status, and making plans, and talking about his interests. He doesn't really seem to wan't to know me.
He wanted to share all his movies and music with me on our first date or two, but then, it continued, to more about him, and his stuff. And he just asked so what do you want to do... Not very deep... Also he said that communication is very important to him, yet he and his ex never communicated they just did stuff and had fun, they didn't talk about things beyond the surface level, and he said with me, its "real and scary" I think he is trying... but ultimately it will be a waste of time and energy to invest on my part... but he keeps calling me, and I have already gone back to see him.
Also its hard for me to be just friends, I cant do that, and be intimate physically at the same time...
TMI
does he sound like an ISFP??? or is it irrelevant at this point?

 

[miss fortune]

you still didn't explain why an NF asked about SJs on the NT forum

you'd probably get better answers if you put it in the SJ forum or NF forum... the NTs really are mostly just going to tell you to dump him or not care... the other two would actually give a lot more constructive answers because their type would be involved- basic self interest

 

[hermeticdancer]

my inclination is to dump because I see that it is not going to work anyway. I am just curious I guess. I am ENFP but try to act ENTP, and I like NT stuff, I like reason, logic, and rational philosophy. but ENFP brained. Apparently I am right brained, or emotional, so I score F, I would like to think that I have some crossover. I am not religious, and I feel good when I stay cool...
Being emotional, is nice, but it's taxing, being an ENFP, means basing happiness on making others feel good, at times, and having them like me. That is not healthy, and it feels uncomfortable. I am really not as outgoing as I used to be, and also, I don't wan't to please everyone. I just wan't to relax.
I guess, I can be nice, and logical at the same time. I tend to go all the way. I think I have to be a scientist, or a social worker. I am like the hare, not the tortse, -sp? That is one thing I have realized, I need to pace myself, or I am going to burn out.

 

[miss fortune]

once again, why did you post this in the NT forum?

do you not care what other people ask you, or can you not read?

 

[hermeticdancer]

once again, why did you post this in the NT forum?

do you not care what other people ask you, or can you not read?

Because I can. wolf man.

 

[miss fortune]

I'm a girl, [edited] :rolli:

I'm amazed by your ability to recognize classic cartoon characters...

just because you can doesn't mean you're going to get a good reaction for doing it

 

[human101]

maybe she wants to hear the views of rationals ?

 

[miss fortune]

maybe she wants to hear the views of rationals ?

then she should have addressed it so... this seems arbitrarily placed since there was NO explanation for why it was here other than "because I can"

I'm afraid I may be trying to point out sense to a teenager

 

[hermeticdancer]

maybe she wants to hear the views of rationals ?

That is accurate...

 

[Totenkindly]

My view is that:

- You should dump him, it's pretty clear you're not into each other. (Or at least you're not into him.)

- I have no clue what type he is, based on this limited information. I'm not sure how you'd figure it out either. And, of course, it's inconsequential considering you're dumping him.

^^ NT efficiency

 

[illume]

My experience with the male ISFJ I know has been very frustrating.... To the point where I hardly speak to him any more. He has no real sense of humor, keeps up with time as though he were an atomic clock, and takes offense to almost everything I say. It appears to be a relationship of major misunderstanding.... And then there is his constant need for reassurance and compliments, even though he gives nothing back in return.

He is also very worried about his status and what others think of him. Stiff as a board, if you will. While he is capable of kindness some of the time, it is a poor compensation for the 90% of the time where he is just plain annoying. The ISFJ male is not a good choice for romantic relations for the ENFP female in my opinion!

 

[Snow Turtle]

Staying in a relationship for the physical chemistry is just inviting trouble in the long term. The obvious answer is obvious.

 

[GirlFromMars]

Well, my boyfriend is ISFJ, and he doesn't annoy me in general (obviously now and then, like any types in a relationship, but not a lot, and not because of type.) He's one of the nicest people, and we run very smoothly. I could see how maybe the more extroverted people could get bored, but I'm happy. He doesn't put words in my mouth, and he does have a sense of humour. Obviously if someone is continuously annoying you, it's not a good sign!

 

[tinker683]

If this guy is an ISFJ, then he sounds like a really immature one. I'd say to kindly kick the poor lad to the curb as he has some growing up to do.

Man I swear, I wonder sometimes if I really am the right type (even though I consistently score as ISFJ). I keep hearing these horror stories about ISFJ males and I wonder how I managed to turn out well (or well enough anyway).

We're not all bad, I swear! I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor and have a sufficient self-esteem to where I don't need constant praise and affection (although it is always nice ). Granted, I can be really quiet a lot of times but isn't because I don't like talking to you, it's just because I don't have anything to say at the moment.

I'm sorry to hear you guys have had such bad experiences. I hope things work out for the best though!

 

[JTG1984]

My experience with the male ISFJ I know has been very frustrating.... To the point where I hardly speak to him any more. He has no real sense of humor, keeps up with time as though he were an atomic clock, and takes offense to almost everything I say. It appears to be a relationship of major misunderstanding.... And then there is his constant need for reassurance and compliments, even though he gives nothing back in return.

He is also very worried about his status and what others think of him. Stiff as a board, if you will. While he is capable of kindness some of the time, it is a poor compensation for the 90% of the time where he is just plain annoying. The ISFJ male is not a good choice for romantic relations for the ENFP female in my opinion!

Being stiff as a board is better for your posture.