[ISTJ] ISTJ & Marriage

[alexx]

So do ISTJs assume that if their partner comes from a broken home/dysfunctional family, that their partner will ultimately carry on in their parents footsteps?

I dunno. I would think many from broken homes / abused bla bla bla are actually more likely to know what NOT to do, what NOT to put their family through and APPRECIATE it all the more.

 

[alexx]

People certainly deserve chances. However, I can say from very close up that when one person is close to their family which operates relatively healthily and the other person has not resolved their disappointments or the outcomes of growing up with poor role models or dysfunction in their family, it creates huge (tsunami sized) problems.

The insecurities of the person who grew up in bad conditions prevents the other person from spending time with their family because the spouse feels that their affections will be divided. Often the stronger family is not allowed to be involved with and a support to the couple

Wow - that is such a good point. I have a INFJ friend that is married to an ISTJ and the ISTJ seems to have had a pretty rocky childhood. The INFJ is very close to his/her family and the ISTJ actually gets angry when the INFJ talks to them. I mean - this isn't the "seeing these people every 2-3 weeks" - they are in another country! No children involved - yet.

 

[IZthe411]

Great Questions!

When deciding to get married, what does the ISTJ check-list look like? My checklist actually isn't long. I'm looking for a girl with a balanced'go get it' attitude, and isn't about all of the drama.

What could make them unsure of their potential mate? If what they say is good, but their actions don't match their words. Actions speak louder than words, and I think some girls have good intentions but overstate their abilities.

Will they ever be 100% confident in their choice of partner? (seems like Ne-inferior would get in the way, asking too many improbable 'what-if' questions) I don't think I will ever be 100% in my choice. and you are right, my Ne kills me sometimes, it takes any event and applies the worst case scenerio to it.


Does it take a long time to make your decision? Seeing as how you are the ultimate planner... For me it is. I tell people, relationships are hard, since you are dealing with a person. I've been to school, have a great career, and own a house. All of these accomplishments were easy, since they are pretty constant and predictable in most ways. But another person is harder, especially women, because most aren't objective, they are subjective, and their feelings can go on a roller-coaster ride where they don't even know what's going on. Since I have less control (not bad control; I just like working with experience (Si Si Si Si) I flip-flop alot.

I think as an ISTJ, you will know where you stand with us. That's one thing my girl can attest to. She's clear where I am and what my intentions are.