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Thread: ISFJ hatred

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    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Question ISFJ hatred

    Have any of you ISFJ ever experienced hatred or extreme annoyance at an individual? I mean someone close to you like a relative or someone you have to live with. Did you pretend everything was fine, or your attitude made it obvious? What was it like?

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    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    lauren ashley genuinely hates/is extremely annoyed by me.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

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    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    My younger brother. He and I haven't seen eye to eye for a long time and I've discovered the best way to just get along is to avoid him at all costs and associate myself with him as little as possible.

    We used to get along fairly well until he got into high school, then it was like his personality changed and he became this arrogant, extremely self-centered Captain America Marine Commando type. Ever since then I haven't been able to stand being around him for a prolonged period of time.

    Honestly...it's something I don't like about myself. I don't like that I can have such an overwhelming lack of respect and contempt for someone I care about. He's still my brother and I still love him as such but I honestly wish he would wake up one morning and have someone beat the living hell out him.

    Most of the time I'm cordial with him but that's the best I can muster. I doubt he's aware of just how deeply I dislike him but I doubt he'd care. His head is so far up his butt he wouldn't notice anyway. I just try to stay away from him when I can, It's best that way.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

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    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    It's rare for me to hate people. I'm more likely to feel agitated... than explode on another person.

    When I'm pissed off with someone (i.e. brother) I just go into rant mode and chill off with loud music to try calm myself down. When I'm pissed off with my parents, I just go into silent mode to process my feelings of irritation thinking that they just don't understand my perspective.

    With other people, I'm much more lenient when people screw up to the extent that sometimes I'm concerned whether I'm letting people get away with too much. Justifying other peoples behaviours. However once in a while, a friend will do something stupid that I just can't explain away, and I just wrote down my annoyance on a piece of paper on what they were doing. The stupid thing was that I was getting pissed off with myself for getting pissed off with what they were doing.

    But overall I'm more likely to be disappointed with people I expect to perform a certain behaviour but screw up. It's odd how I treat family members worse than friends, but in some ways it might be because I'm a) tired of the way the act or b) I have higher expectations for closed ones.

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    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    My younger brother. He and I haven't seen eye to eye for a long time and I've discovered the best way to just get along is to avoid him at all costs and associate myself with him as little as possible.

    We used to get along fairly well until he got into high school, then it was like his personality changed and he became this arrogant, extremely self-centered Captain America Marine Commando type. Ever since then I haven't been able to stand being around him for a prolonged period of time.

    Honestly...it's something I don't like about myself. I don't like that I can have such an overwhelming lack of respect and contempt for someone I care about. He's still my brother and I still love him as such but I honestly wish he would wake up one morning and have someone beat the living hell out him.

    Most of the time I'm cordial with him but that's the best I can muster. I doubt he's aware of just how deeply I dislike him but I doubt he'd care. His head is so far up his butt he wouldn't notice anyway. I just try to stay away from him when I can, It's best that way.
    Hehe. It's always the brothers~

    My brother is the sort of person that thinks he's always right as well. So he's constantly going around the family calling everyone an idiot. It doesn't help that he's pretty smart, but to believe he's so much smarter therefore superior or something. It's just ARGH.... *headdesk*


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    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    Have any of you ISFJ ever experienced hatred or extreme annoyance at an individual? I mean someone close to you like a relative or someone you have to live with. Did you pretend everything was fine, or your attitude made it obvious? What was it like?
    Your ISFJ does not hate you!

    But yes, I have felt hatred for someone before and they knew about it.

    It sucks.

    I have also been in the situation where I had to live with someone for a year who I could not stand. It was hard and yes I did have to pretend like everything was fine. Ugh. That blew. I'll never do that again.

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    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    I have higher expectations for close ones.
    What a different perspective from us, NFs. I expect very little from my close ones since I know them well and have been disappointed numerous times. I will expect more from people I idealize and potential soul companions, only to be also disappointed later on. Human beings are flawed, and misunderstandings aflow. Thank God for psychology. At least there's a tool to sort this stuff out a bit.

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    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Your ISFJ does not hate you!
    This is not about me. I know she doesn't hate me.

    I am working on a novel. The ISFJ character feels this for her stepmother who is developing a co-dependant relationship with her, and it really gets on her nerves. That woman ends up sucking the life out of her. All of this extends on a ten year-long relationship ended by the stepmother's death. The ISFJ then starts to feel worthless and useless because caring for the dying woman gave her a sense of being needed.

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    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    This is not about me. I know she doesn't hate me.

    I am working on a novel. The ISFJ character feels this for her stepmother who is developing a co-dependant relationship with her, and it really gets on her nerves. That woman ends up sucking the life out of her. All this extends on a ten year-long relationship ended by the stepmother's death. The ISFJ then starts to feel worthless and useless because caring for the dying woman gave her a sense of being needed.
    I dont want you to give away the story but what do you mean sucking the life out of her? For clarification (because people often are mistaken about ISFJs)-- The whole ISFJs taking care of people goes only one of two ways:

    a) the ISFJ takes care of someone out of duty but not love. this will be the case when the person the ISFJ is taking care of is a dispicable person and the ISFJ does not love him/her but feels obligated to care for them. When that person dies or goes away, ISFJ will NOT miss taking care of that person, even if they grieve their departure. Sorry to say that but that's is the reality of the situation.

    or

    b) ISFJ takes care of someone they love and like very much. The ISFJ enjoys taking care of this person they love and it makes them feel needed and very good to take care of them. When that person dies or goes away, the ISFJ feels sad and displaced and misses the feeling of being needed by someone.

    Hope this helps some.

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    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I dont want you to give away the story but what do you mean sucking the life out of her? For clarification (because people often are mistaken about ISFJs)-- The whole ISFJs taking care of people goes only one of two ways:

    a) the ISFJ takes care of someone out of duty but not love. this will be the case when the person the ISFJ is taking care of is a dispicable person and the ISFJ does not love him/her but feels obligated to care for them. When that person dies or goes away, ISFJ will NOT miss taking care of that person, even if they grieve their departure. Sorry to say that but that's is the reality of the situation.

    or

    b) ISFJ takes care of someone they love. The ISFJ enjoys taking care of this person they love and it makes them feel needed and very good. When that person dies or goes away, the ISFJ feel sad and displaced and misses the feeling of being needed by someone.

    Hope this helps some.
    Sure helps.

    She is relieved to see her die, but there is a lot of loneliness in her life and caring for that annoying woman who loved her in an unhealthy way still made her feel useful and important. She also fears her ISTJ brother's judgment about her lack of compassion, and he is the most important person in her life. It's an overwhelming feeling of sudden loneliness and also fear for her future, because she knows her life will soon change drastically because if this death, and she will be separated from him.
    "Co-dependant" was probably not the right word...

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