He and I got along very well back then. We had (and still to some degree still have) similar interests and we were close to each other in that respect.
I don't know when exactly it happened, I only know that in high school he started to change. He became this really arrogant, selfish shockjock who kept telling everyone what kind of a badass Marine he was going to be. That was when he and I very violently ripped apart. He became this bullying, selfish little bastard that had this attitude of "Me First" for EVERYTHING. I watched him exploit people over and over again just to get what he wanted. When he got it, he discarded them like banana peels. Over and over again I had to listen to people tell me about what kind of an asshole he was.
Then he went into the Marine's....and promptly got kicked out after bootcamp because he totally flipped out and realized he couldn't do it. He went AWOL, starting doing drugs, and a whole lot of other things. We brought him back home and we started nurturing him back to normal (or at least as normal as he can be). We got him off the drugs and provided him a safe environment to grow back into and re-stabilize.
I had hoped that the whole experience would instill into him some sense of humility and reality, that it would make him realize the importance of considering other peoples feeling when dealing with them. For a little while, it did. But it wasn't too long that he fell back into his old self, expecting everyone to cater to his whims and his alone (and to hell with everyone else!) and that's how he's been ever since.
In simplest terms, he's a User: A mooch, a deadbeat, a parasite. Once you start providing him with something, anything, he begins to act like it's his God-given right to receive it. Don't even get me started on the arguments we've had about who should provide for what or how a person should be (He's of the opinion that since I make more money than he does that I have to help him pay for his rent and food while he goes out partying and getting drunk every night) or what he's done to some of the women in his life (The car he drives now he got from a woman who fell for him. He was really sweet to her up and until she sold him his car, then he promptly dropped her like a bad habit).
So yes, I do have an overwhelming lack of respect and contempt for him because he's become everything I despise in a human being. But when I see him, I still want to believe that the little brother I used to know is somewhere in there and that maybe he just got lost somewhere along the way and that maybe one day he'll realize the reality of his situation: Why he has so few friends, why virtually everyone in the family dislikes him to some degree, why NO ONE wants to live with him, etc..
And I guess, sometimes, I feel like I failed somewhere which might be influencing my feelings toward him. Sometimes I wonder if I failed as an older brother and didn't guide him enough or didn't show him enough things or did any of the things that older brothers are supposed to do and maybe that's why he is the way he is. I don't know
The problem is now is that I can't help him, if he even needs some kind of help. I have this mountain of anger that only an ISFJ could understand toward him that clouds and contaminates everything I say and do toward him. I WANT to believe that he can be a better person than he is now but I've become so jaded toward him that I've decided the only way he's going to change is when the day comes that all the crap he's done comes back to bite him in the backside.
It's also why I avoid him: Because all of this anger and guilt and rage that I feel toward him is something I don't like about myself. It's something I'm not proud of. I hate that there's a person out there that can bring out so many negative qualities in me.
So for my sake, I try to avoid him as much as possible. He leaves me alone, I leave him alone, and that seems to work out best.
I apologize if some of that seemed convoluted but I suppose I have a hard time rational expressing years and years and bile and venom toward an individual. Particularly someone whom I wish wasn't the way he was.