A lot of people pretty much know my story. I was in a major depression for 6 years following a traumatic accident my father was in. I went up to 80mg of Paxil, then slowly went off as I gained control over the depression. I came out of the depression and felt a need to go out and do things a lot to prove I was in control of my life and not in a depression.
It proved useful for almost 2 years as I lost over a hundred pounds, got a new job, started college, made friends and re-established a connection with my family. However, I felt lost during that time because I didn't know what to make of my life seeing as I had lost my teenage years to an illness and I didn't have the necessary life experience of my age.
Over the last year, I've felt even more lost trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life, realizing that I'm afraid to do a lot of things thinking I'll fall back into a depression, lose control of my life and regain the weight I had lost. I've just started thinking I'm doing things to take up time and not really living. I tried seeing a therapist and after the first visit, I tried scheduling 3 more visits, but canceled them the next day out of being stubborn for help.
I feel as if I'm afraid of myself, cynical of others and incapable of making my own decisions. I went to see my physician and I told him that lately I've felt bored, as if people didn't care about me, I've had desires to run away to another city, and just plain frustrated. He gave me a prescription for 10mg of Paxil once a day, then twice a day after a week. I guess now I'm just waiting to see what happens to me now.
I've made appointments at the therapist again, and hoping I can start getting help. I just feel like my life is passing me by and I can't control what I'm doing. I've been reading about side effects of Paxil and the loss of sex drive part doesn't sound appealing. What's the point of being happy but with a decreased sex drive?