[SJ] SJ's and conflict...

[GirlFromMars]

So, SJ's - I have a question: How do you deal with conflict?

What are the differences in the ways each SJ type deal with conflict? I'm esp. interested in ISFJ/ISTJ.

Thanks.

(OK, that's two questions, but shhh.)

 

[d@v3]

I will usually avoid conflict as best as possible. But if someone is out to get me or looking for a fight, I'm always ready.

If it is a girl, I will definitely avoid conflict at all costs- even if she IS out looking for a fight, I will only attempt to calm her down or walk away.

If it's a guy, it has potential to be an all out brawl! XD ...Of course, I still attempt to settle everything with words first.

 

[Gerbah]

It depends on who the person I'm having a conflict with is and my relationship with them. Depending on that my style can be rather different. With my husband I don't avoid conflict and always like to bring things out in the open and work through things. With other people I generally avoid conflict unless the issue is too important to ignore.

Generally though I try to focus on the point of the conflict and not get side-tracked. I also try not to give in to emotional temptations that would complicate the issue or make it worse. I like to talk about things calmly. Expressing true emotions is ok but I don't like over-the-top drama.

 

[NewEra]

A lot of this depends on actually what you mean by conflict.

If I'm having a conflict with another person (where he/she is angry at me), it all depends on the reasoning behind the conflict. If I believe that I am right, then I will defend myself by saying why I am right. If the person doesn't let up by arguing his/her case with no logic behind it, I will just tend to avoid him/her because it's no use dealing with such people.

Usually I'm very quick to forgive, but I don't make it openly clear (like I won't say 'I forgive you', but in my mind I have forgiven them, even though I don't forget). I will avoid unnecessary personal conflict (I'm not the type who goes around looking for a fight - that's just idiotic).

 

[Giggly]

"Make it stop!"

 

[d@v3]

"Make it stop!"

 

[Cimarron]

When I see people in conflict, my first thoughts are that they are probably overreacting, and now they aren't thinking as clearly as they would normally--when they could've straightened things out. So I leave, and let them handle it.

When it happens to me...I try to keep that in mind, not to overreact, and to keep language polite to show good intent. It's harder to do, though, especially when someone is just trying to egg me on and get a reaction from me (they may get it ). One thing I like to do is turn away when the person isn't worth it, in that way making it known that I'm not going to bother arguing with them.

 

[Take Five]

There is no conflict.

But seriously, I try to avoid unecessary conflict, unless it is with someone I'm very comfortable with.

 

[WickedQueen]

I love conflict, although I dislike creating any conflict. But when there is a conflict, I can feel my adrenaline pumping out hard.

I usually confront a conflict, it doesn't scare me away. Things must be settled in a fair, rational, practical, and professional way. Formal and polite words is a must.

If things can't be solve by words, I'll use my intimidation skill to force things up.

Intimidation doesn't succeed? Then physical action will take control. And trust me, I really much enjoying this part.


.

 

[InfiniteIntrigue]

SJs love conflict. No, I'm teasing.
(ESTJ) My father loves it for some reason,
he thrives off it. Not me.

 

[NewEra]

(ESTJ) My father loves it for some reason,
he thrives off it. Not me.

Same, maybe it's the ESTJs who like conflict.

 

[GirlFromMars]

See, my boyfriend (IS*J, not sure wether he's T or F - got very low T.) is soo bad with conflict. If I get all emotional-confrontingy on him he's like a deer in headlights! I don't like conflict, but he's even worse than me and I'm an INFP! (Heh, that rhymes) He says he feels dissapointed when I get upset with him, like he's let me down, and is also too laid-back for conflict. Sometimes I argue with myself when trying to argue with him. It's not that I want to argue with him, it's just sometimes arguments come about and they're valid! I love him BTW, he's a great person. But, I was just wondering if this is a typical SJ reaction.

 

[IZthe411]

I recognize that conflict exists as a part of life, and I'd rather deal with it and get it out the way than avoid it.

 

[Saslou]

I don't like it but if it does arise, let it be discussed rationally then just laugh it off and move on.

 

[EJCC]

I actually agree with Saslou and IZthe411. Also, I really, really dislike emotional conflict, e.g. someone is mad at someone else, and you have to calm them down. I'm really bad at speaking the language that's required to deal with that kind of problem. A little voice in the back of my head keeps going "Rrgh! They're not being LOGICAL right now! WHY can't they be REASONED with???", and I get in a sort of rut. (Of course, this isn't true with everyone; when my INTP friends are angry, I've noticed that being very, very rational and unemotional with them, and reasoning with them THAT way (which I'm good at) calms them down.)

 

[Poki]

See, my boyfriend (IS*J, not sure wether he's T or F - got very low T.) is soo bad with conflict. If I get all emotional-confrontingy on him he's like a deer in headlights! I don't like conflict, but he's even worse than me and I'm an INFP! (Heh, that rhymes) He says he feels dissapointed when I get upset with him, like he's let me down, and is also too laid-back for conflict. Sometimes I argue with myself when trying to argue with him. It's not that I want to argue with him, it's just sometimes arguments come about and they're valid! I love him BTW, he's a great person. But, I was just wondering if this is a typical SJ reaction.

Ive heard NFPs rant about me and rant about others and your type does tend to argue with yourself. Sometimes its under your breath or internally. Its kinda entertaining and interesting to have an NFP rant at you, but yes I feel bad at the same time. I respond like you said. If I feel like it I will argue back, but most of the time I really am too laid-back to argue, prefer to just explain my point of view in a regular manner.

 

[JocktheMotie]

While my ESTJ does not really have a problem with conflict in terms of getting through it or facing it, she doesn't seem to be able to separate the conflict from the issue, from the personal relationship, or its source. It tends to color and have an influence on everything she does. While I'm perfectly able to discuss conflicts, have arguments and disagreements, I can instantaneously resume my normal mode of operation regardless of whether the conflict has really been resolved or not. She however, can't [or doesn't] detach herself at all. I don't know if this is unique to her or maybe other SJs can relate.

 

[Giggly]

^I definitely relate to your ESTJ, but I will try not to do that because sometimes like you said life has to go on and normal mode of operation has to continue, but it's really hard to do. Sometimes i'm successful at it and sometimes not. Hmm, I always thought that was just an F thing?

 

[Poki]

While my ESTJ does not really have a problem with conflict in terms of getting through it or facing it, she doesn't seem to be able to separate the conflict from the issue, from the personal relationship, or its source. It tends to color and have an influence on everything she does. While I'm perfectly able to discuss conflicts, have arguments and disagreements, I can instantaneously resume my normal mode of operation regardless of whether the conflict has really been resolved or not. She however, can't [or doesn't] detach herself at all. I don't know if this is unique to her or maybe other SJs can relate.

Does your ESTJ also think that things you do after the fact also colors and influences what you do? My ENFJ seems to think that my weak Fe after an argument is something I do purposley because of the argument as opposed to something I am just not good at.

 

[JocktheMotie]

^I definitely relate to your ESTJ, but I will try not to do that because sometimes like you said life has to go on and normal mode of operation has to continue, but it's really hard to do. Sometimes i'm successful at it and sometimes not. Hmm, I always thought that was just an F thing?

Well it's not so much that I do so out of some concept of life needing to go on, but more so because it seems like a natural thing to do. There really isn't any conscious effort on my part. If anything though, I think it may be Je thing: NJs may feel the same way, I just have far less personal interaction with them to go off of.

Does your ESTJ also think that things you do after the fact also colors and influences what you do? My ENFJ seems to think that my weak Fe after an argument is something I do purposley because of the argument as opposed to something I am just not good at.

I don't really understand what you mean here.