[SJ] SJ's and conflict...

[GirlFromMars]

Ive heard NFPs rant about me and rant about others and your type does tend to argue with yourself. Sometimes its under your breath or internally. Its kinda entertaining and interesting to have an NFP rant at you, but yes I feel bad at the same time. I respond like you said. If I feel like it I will argue back, but most of the time I really am too laid-back to argue, prefer to just explain my point of view in a regular manner.

Do you "kick yourself" over it afterwards, if it was something you done? Mine always feels bad, and says he feels like he let me down. It seems like he kinda dwells on it a bit, until I've reassured him it's OK now.

 

[Giggly]

Well it's not so much that I do so out of some concept of life needing to go on, but more so because it seems like a natural thing to do. There really isn't any conscious effort on my part. .

Yes, I understand. That's what I mean too.

See, my boyfriend (IS*J, not sure wether he's T or F - got very low T.) is soo bad with conflict. If I get all emotional-confrontingy on him he's like a deer in headlights! I don't like conflict, but he's even worse than me and I'm an INFP! (Heh, that rhymes) He says he feels dissapointed when I get upset with him, like he's let me down, and is also too laid-back for conflict. Sometimes I argue with myself when trying to argue with him. It's not that I want to argue with him, it's just sometimes arguments come about and they're valid! I love him BTW, he's a great person. But, I was just wondering if this is a typical SJ reaction.

He sounds ISFJ. When I experience conflict with those I love and admire, I get this overwhelming feeling that I disappointed them and it's hard to get past it.

 

[Mitzy]

im usually the one bringing conflict. i have no problem with it, i enjoy it. my s.o. hates it, he doesnt want to be bothered by it, avoids it at all costs and would rather just walk away and not deal with it. when i really need to get it off my chest, he eventually gives in and listens but doesnt say much about the matter and forgives me if i was wrong with a hug or if he was wrong, he'll say sorry but it takes a lot of time and thinking for him to say sorry. when he feels sorry though, he feels so bad about it that it makes me feel bad too (im not supposed to care?!). hes just so deeply sincere when he apologizes that it makes me feel worse than when im sorry. when i apologize, its just really an act and i still feel bratty inside after he accepts my apology. mwahaha

 

[wrldisquiethere]

Try to deal with it on my own.
Try to tell myself it's not important.
Try to figure out where I went wrong.
Try to look at it objectively, but feelings get in the way.
Try to keep people from knowing I'm bothered, but I can't hide it.
Cry.

I am learning the value of approaching problems at the start though and trying to nip them in the bud. It is very hard for me, though, especially if the other person doesn't see the need to deal with it.