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  1. #21
    Junior Member Deva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Part of the ISTJ morals probably includes generosity and compassion and because of that, they can be taken advantage of by selfish or needy people. They are the type I think that will try to console or possibly 'save' someone they have already bonded with and deem to have a lot of 'good' in them.

    ISTJ also because of a strong 'I' preference will probably have to expend a lot more energy and underg some stress in befriending someone and they will likely put a lot of J value on their relationships and even judge themselves by how well they maintain healthy relationships. So they are less willing to just walk away from a relationship.
    CzeCze really nailed it with this post, which I only quote in part. I got into an disasterous 6 year long marriage with a guy who I thought I could "save". I knew I was doing it, but seemed not be be able to stop myself. He ended up being a cheater and into drugs. Of course as soon as I found out about this behavior, I left him. There were other forms of abuse, but I put up with it-- I guess I just reached my limit. So I think there may be some truth to it that ISTJ's tend to have bad relationships like others have described.

    I have very definate ideas of right and wrong but will not impose them on anyone and seldom give advice unless asked by someone I know really well. I think the degree of introversion factors into this.

    Another thing is it takes time to work things out in my head before I can respond, either spoken or written. Except under a lot of pressure, I won't say or do anything that is not thoroughly rehearsed in my mind ahead of time. It always amazes me when people just are able to think out loud.

    I think it is hard to find real acceptance and get any attention from others as an ISTJ. When someone does show us appreciation and attention, we just bask in it and sometimes go completely overboard in our attachment to the kind person.

    Here I go reviving another thread!

  2. #22
    Senior Member Hirsch63's Avatar
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    Deva, you hit it on the head again for me. I will spend some time considering what I might say or write...or do... and this can really frustrate people. I am frequently editing in my head.

    I will also over-react to attention, to the point that I find myself being wary of any attention. When I get it, I have a difficult time believing it is sincere and when or if I decide that it is, I can get quite attached to the person.

    I have had some toxic relationships; just friendships and romance too. And I feel that if I am patient and understanding that I might be able to help someone heal...at my expense. And I don't feel this as a type of self-gratification just something I am able to, and therefore must do. I guess I feel it is "right" to do.

    I do not like to impose my (personal) beliefs or morals on others either. To each his own. This is different in my profession though. Where things are not subjective and where it prevents waste I will try to bring it gently or wryly to the attention of someone on a path to possible error.

    Good way to revive a thread.
    Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings...Steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you a king

  3. #23
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hirsch63 View Post

    I will also over-react to attention, to the point that I find myself being wary of any attention. When I get it, I have a difficult time believing it is sincere and when or if I decide that it is, I can get quite attached to the person.

    I have an older sister who is an ISTJ, and she really struggles with this as well. She seems to truly labor over whether or not someone is being sincere with their shows of affection, and she looks stricken and uncomfortable for quite a long time, like she wants to believe that the attention is well meant, but she isn't sure. I'm a naturally affectionate person, so she makes allowances for me, but I also understand that she gets uncomfortable with it, so I'm careful not to over-do it.

    Actually, my life is full of ISTJ's, and I love them all a great deal. They are solid as granite, which is a quality I do not possess but admire highly. When I want to see someone lay down the law and set things right, I just watch "The Steve Wilkos Show" and suddenly, I feel so much safer about the world.

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