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Thread: ISFJ in love

  1. #1
    Senior Member FeatheredFrenzy's Avatar
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    Default ISFJ in love

    For my fellow ISFJs, active posters and perpetual lurkers alike...

    (ISFJ) personality commonly referred to as "The Caretaker"

    You are the closest thing there is to a perfect parent. Taking care of others in your sweet, giving, and gentle way is perhaps your greatest desire and is what keeps the rest of us feeling safe, warm, and cared for. Starting and building a family are top priorities for you, often more important than a career or other interests. Although you may prosper in your chosen profession, very little in life gives you more pleasure than taking care of your children and the husband or wife you hold dear.

    ISFJ when in love

    As a Caretaker, you believe love represents safety, responsibility, commitment, and ultimately, marriage and children. While those words may scare off certain LoveTypes, for you, these words perfectly describe what you want from a romantic relationship. Once you make up your mind about your mate, you tend to sustain an unwavering devotion toward him or her. Even if the relationship is lousy, you may be reluctant to give it up because of the tremendous importance you place on your commitment to your partner. Sometimes you suffer because you obey the dictates of tradition and stay in a terrible relationship, even though your common sense screams at you to leave.
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    Senior Member FeatheredFrenzy's Avatar
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    Default Relationships

    CareTaker with Performer (ESFP): Sugar and Spice

    The Joys: The quieter, sometimes shy CareTaker admires the way their Performer can work any crowd and be the life of the party. And the Performer likes the stability and quiet presence of the CareTaker--someone who can soothe and relax them after a wild day (or night) spent socializing, networking, and partying. Together they can make an ideal yin and yang.

    The Frustrations: Because they have quite different styles, they can run into some conflicts. The cautious and conservative CareTaker can easily be embarrassed by some of the crazily spontaneous stunts the anything goes, wild child Performer is likely to pull. "Singing in a karaoke bar is one thing, but doing it in a string bikini on top of a table; that's going a bit too far," says the conservative CareTaker. "Yeah, but what if I'm trying out for American Idol? What's the big deal?" replies the Performer in the mock joking tone that drives the Caretaker nuts.

    Caretaker with Social Philosopher (ENFP): Caring for the Little People

    The Joys: The outgoing Social Philosopher loves to come home to their nurturing, stay at home Caretaker and their neat and orderly home (courtesy of the hardworking Caretaker). At the same time, the Caretaker is proud of their high achieving Social Philosopher and enjoys making them feel at home. The quieter Caretaker also appreciates how their extraverted Social Philosopher takes care of all the socializing--making all the introductions--which allows them to sit back and let people come to them.

    The Frustrations:
    There can be a communication disconnect here; the loquacious Social Philosopher enjoys talking about their higher ideas and visions for improving the world, but the practical CareTaker is not nearly as passionate about things they can't see or touch. Caretakers would usually much rather talk about the next vacation they're going to take, what's on TV, or a new way to improve their family and home life. When these two get together, it's like watching a strange reality show: Social Philosophers are from Mars, CareTakers are from Earth.

    CareTaker with Innovator (ENTP): Taking Care of Business

    The Joys: These exact opposites can be an interesting match if they learn how to respect each other's style. The sweet, giving CareTaker can bring out the emotional, relaxed side of their idea whirlwind Innovator. The Innovator can bring the CareTaker out of their shell, and teach how to have some fun and let a little of the housekeeping go once in a while. "After all," says the carpe diem-minded Innovator, "We have one life, and we need to live it to the fullest."

    The Frustrations: The fast-moving, fast-thinking Innovator may also be too fast at making messes which the Caretaker feels obligated to clean up. In the beginning, that may be OK, but the Caretaker will eventually get tired of having to do all the clean up, especially when the logical Innovator forgets to express their deeply-felt appreciation for all the CareTaker's hard work. When that happens, the Innovator will wonder why the Caretaker is so quiet. They're so quiet because their heart is filled with resentment and their mind is filled with fury: "I'm so tired of being taken for granted!"

    CareTaker with Idealistic Philosopher (INFP): Nature and Nurture

    The Joys: These two connect on a deeply emotional level. Since both are Introverted and sensitive, they can share a great deal of personal warmth, love, and caring with each other; handholding, hugging, tender words, kisses, romantic gestures, and spending quality time together, just the two of them. In this combination, the Caretaker finally has a mate who really appreciates their giving, tender ways, and the Idealistic Philosopher is thrilled to be taken care of in such a loving, intimate way.

    The Frustrations: Caretakers love to clean and keep things organized. Idealistic Philosopher's, on the other hand, would much rather postpone the cleanup for later, so it doesn't interfere with their mood of creation or contemplation. For the Caretaker, however, that attitude is just plain irresponsible and lazy. They will clean up the Idealistic Philosopher's messes quietly at first, until their resentment builds up and they explode with white hot anger.

    CareTaker with Growth Teacher (ENFJ): Taking Care of Humanity's Business


    The Joys: This couple bonds on a deep emotional level. Both are strong feelers who love to share romantic gestures with each other: cards, flowers, candies, gifts, walks along the beach, hugs, back rubs, kisses, and much more. They also believe in keeping an orderly and organized home, making sure their family life runs like clockwork so they can feel safe and secure.

    The Frustrations:
    This couple may not have a lot in common. While the Growth Teacher is off on one of their typical intellectual and personal growth pursuits (learning about psychology, philosophy, spirituality, the arts, or literature), the Caretaker may camp out at home, decorating, cooking, watching TV, and fixing up the house. Because they view the world so differently--the Growth Teacher through their imagination and quest for never-ending growth--the Caretaker through their practical sense of the here and now--they often don't see eye to eye and may end up living separate lives.

    Caretaker with Mystic Writer (INFJ): Taking Care of The Soul


    The Joys: This couple loves to take care of each other: the Caretaker in practical ways (like cleaning up, making sure their Mystic Writer takes their vitamins), the Mystic Writer in more esoteric and psychological ways; providing empathy, emotionally supportive communication, and plenty of affection. Both enjoy quiet time alone or with a few close friends. And, both enjoy an orderly and structured lifestyle that offers security, commitment, and stability.

    The Frustrations: Mystic Writers are very intuitive and imaginative and may be disappointed with the Caretakers practical approach to life. They may see Caretakers as well meaning, but simple-minded people, who can't grasp their passion and vision for making a difference in the world. From the Caretaker's perspective, the Mystic Writer spends too much time in pie-in-the-sky visions and ideas; they need to spend more time in the real world--worrying about bills, finances, and practical things like getting the car washed.

    CareTaker with Gentle Artist (ISFP): A Natural Love

    The Joys: These tender mates enjoy quiet expressions of affection, at home or in relaxed, private settings like on the beach or in the forest. Neither is particularly loud or aggressive (unless their feelings are hurt), and both enjoy a sweet, easy-going kind of relationship that revolves around their mutual caring for each other. They can be perfectly content staying at home and relaxing, watching videos, eating their favorite take-out, and just being together quietly.

    The Frustrations: Organization and structure can be a conflict area for this couple. The easy-going, spontaneous Gentle Artist doesn't like to be hampered by schedules and timelines. At the other end, the very organized, clock-watching Caretaker is the type who may even have a master list for all their other lists. Consequently, the Caretaker's strong desire for orderliness and timeliness is likely to clash with the Gentle Artist's desire to be free-flowing and carefree (CareTaker translation of "free-flowing" and "carefree": "messy and late").

    CareTaker with Craftsperson (ISTP): Little Things Make Big Things

    The Joys: These two hands-on realists see the world as it really is. They're not impressed with harebrained schemes and impossible dreams; they're simply concerned about making the best out of each day and taking care of the practicalities of life. As introverted people, they prefer their own company or the company of a few close friends. A simple life is just fine for them.

    The Frustrations: CareTakers need daily warmth, affection, and attention even though they may not request it verbally because of their quiet natures. At the other end of the spectrum, Craftspersons need their personal space and freedom. Although they do like someone to share in their activities and hobbies, Craftsperson are perfectly content to go off by themselves camping for a few days, phoning their Caretaker at some point to see how they're doing. "I've been worried sick," says the frantic Caretaker. "Why didn't you call?" "I didn't think I needed to," replies the nonchalant Craftsperson, "You knew where I was."

    CareTaker with CareTaker: Two Perfect Parents

    The Joys: This couple will take care of each other in a tender, loving, and giving way. Their sweet and loving natures complement each other nicely as they go about the business of creating a stable and warm family life and a neat and orderly home. This pair doesn't need a lot of external social stimulation; they're perfectly content building a nice nest home with their family and a few close friends.

    The Frustrations:
    Because both of them keep their feelings inside, they may have unresolved misunderstandings that can eventually build up into resentment. Rather than confronting issues head-on, this couple prefers a wait and see approach--hoping that the problems will go away, which usually doesn't happen. Instead, the problems usually become much bigger, and the fights more intense. On the other hand, If this couple learns how to communicate openly and directly with with each other, they can enjoy quite a harmonious and long-lasting relationship.

    (These were the only relationship descriptions I could dig up. That’s why some are missing.)
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  3. #3
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Very cool! Thanks!
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

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    Senior Member FeatheredFrenzy's Avatar
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    Ah, my pleasure. Date wisely

  5. #5
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Ahh, a most interesting post. I think it all rings true! I wish all the types were there. Thank you for sharing.

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    Senior Member SubjectA's Avatar
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    Aww. No INTJ analysis?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Senior Member FeatheredFrenzy's Avatar
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    Bingo!

    CareTaker with Expert (INTJ): Taking Care of Mind Business

    The Joys: These two like to keep things neat and orderly in their home and work lives. They enjoy structure, stability, and predictability their schedules and day-to-day life. As Introverts, they prefer a quieter, private home-based lifestyle that affords them a relaxed, pleasant environment with minimal noise and distractions. Sure, a few friends can come over once in a while, but not too many and not too often.

    The Frustrations: The Caretaker will often complain about the emotional distance of the the Expert: "Why don't they show more verbal and physical affection? Why does an 'I love you' cost you that much? "It isn't necessary to say the words all the time," replies the logically-minded Expert. "I love you in my own way; why should I have to tell you all the time? You're too needy and emotional. Be more logical like me."

    And more...

    (INTJ) personality commonly referred to as "The Expert"

    You are the most independent and strong-willed (some might say stubborn) of all the LoveTypes. Once you make up your mind to do something - whether it’s starting or ending a relationship, or anything in between - you will do what you want to do. And God help anyone who tries to dissuade you.

    INTJ when in love

    You, Ms. or Mr. Expert (only 2 percent of society), are a deep thinker who is always analyzing your relationships and asking the question: does this person fit my detailed design of what an ideal mate should be like? Often the answer is “no,” because your capacity for creating the blueprint for this “perfect mate” often exceeds your ability to find him or her in the real world. Competence and intelligence are two of the most important qualities you look for in a mate. You admire someone who is well-educated and successful in his or her chosen field. Although you prefer someone whose intellect is as sharp as yours, you may fall in love with someone who is not your intellectual equal. When this happens, you may always have that nagging doubt in the back of your mind: “Is this person smart enough for me?”

    (But seriously, that's all I got! *shrug*)
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    Senior Member FeatheredFrenzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Ahh, a most interesting post. I think it all rings true! I wish all the types were there. Thank you for sharing.
    So welcome It seems like we get mad an awful lot, doesn't it? I was reading them one after another and thought "hmm, wait a minute.......they all end with us getting: :steam: "

  9. #9
    Senior Member Kristiana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FeatheredFrenzy View Post
    Bingo!

    CareTaker with Expert (INTJ): Taking Care of Mind Business

    The Joys: These two like to keep things neat and orderly in their home and work lives. They enjoy structure, stability, and predictability their schedules and day-to-day life. As Introverts, they prefer a quieter, private home-based lifestyle that affords them a relaxed, pleasant environment with minimal noise and distractions. Sure, a few friends can come over once in a while, but not too many and not too often.

    The Frustrations: The Caretaker will often complain about the emotional distance of the the Expert: "Why don't they show more verbal and physical affection? Why does an 'I love you' cost you that much? "It isn't necessary to say the words all the time," replies the logically-minded Expert. "I love you in my own way; why should I have to tell you all the time? You're too needy and emotional. Be more logical like me."

    And more...

    (INTJ) personality commonly referred to as "The Expert"

    You are the most independent and strong-willed (some might say stubborn) of all the LoveTypes. Once you make up your mind to do something - whether it’s starting or ending a relationship, or anything in between - you will do what you want to do. And God help anyone who tries to dissuade you.

    INTJ when in love

    You, Ms. or Mr. Expert (only 2 percent of society), are a deep thinker who is always analyzing your relationships and asking the question: does this person fit my detailed design of what an ideal mate should be like? Often the answer is “no,” because your capacity for creating the blueprint for this “perfect mate” often exceeds your ability to find him or her in the real world. Competence and intelligence are two of the most important qualities you look for in a mate. You admire someone who is well-educated and successful in his or her chosen field. Although you prefer someone whose intellect is as sharp as yours, you may fall in love with someone who is not your intellectual equal. When this happens, you may always have that nagging doubt in the back of your mind: “Is this person smart enough for me?”

    (But seriously, that's all I got! *shrug*)
    Haha. I'm an INTJ and so is my husband. The stubborn part fits me very well, but the part about affection isn't like us at all. We are very physically affectionate with each other, and we tell each other we love one another about 50 times a day!

    The orderly part isn't true about us either, haha... one look at our condo and you'll agree
    j'adore les chats
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  10. #10
    Senior Member Hexis's Avatar
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    I have to agree with everything said about the ISFJ and their intimate relationships with ENFPs. My sons mother is an ISFJ and in the end my fickleness ended the relationship for us but when we were together it was exactly like that.
    SDMF

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