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Thread: Trying to type my mother.

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array
    Join Date
    Aug 2009

    Default Trying to type my mother.

    I have never been able to type my mother. She's definitely extroverted and scheduling and friendly. The problem I've had with her my entire life is that we've never been able to effectively communicate. We are always missing each other's point and I've had to learn to not talk about anything conceptual with her, which drives me nuts because that's pretty much all I've got and always leads to me getting frustrated or us getting into arguments. I suspect her of possibly being an ESFJ. I would appreciate descriptions of ESFJ and other SJ parenting styles, though anyone's advice would be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Array Gerbah's Avatar
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    Oct 2009


    I've got a book called "Mother Styles: Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths". It says that the ESFJ is the "happy together" mother. Strengths include cultivating close relationships with her children, making people connections with the larger world, sharing practical wisdom.

    A bit more:

    Driven by a lot of "shoulds", the ESFJ mother is susceptible to others' judgments and the desire to please, not to mention her own perfectionism. She may have a hard time relaxing.

    When her children are squabbling, the ESFJ mother needs to remind herself that healthy relationships require a certain amount of conflict and "clearing the air" to grow and flourish. Allowing family members to work out differences on their own can sometimes be the best way to promote the close, harmonious relationships she wants for her family over the long run.

    Does it sound familiar?

  3. #3
    Senior Member Array Saslou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009


    Gerbah .. Pretty much spot on there .. Although i know how to relax when i don't have anything to do, but there is always stuff to do .. Darn it, lol

    Corey - I used to be really anal retentive and would wrap my kids in cotton wool. I was so stuck on my views that i wasn't prepared to listen to anyone else. Things are better though these days, my boys are ISTJ and ENTP so i can't really help you out but because i was having so many communication problems with my ENTP, by reading the profile about his type, i was able to reevaluate my style of communication so better able to understand him .. Don't get me wrong, we still have our moments (like today, where the shit hit the fan) but at least we are not at logger heads 24/7.

    My bff though is ENTJ and we have no communication problems at all.

    Maybe it is a mom thing. Print off a copy of the ENTJ profile and ask her to read it when she gets a chance, tell her that you would like for the pair of you to be able to better communicate and that you hope this literature will help you both accomplish that .. Hopefully she'll listen as she only wants the best for you.

    Good luck darling.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

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