In my psychology class we briefly touched on a Triangular love theory whilst discussing the psychology of human development. I like the theory for the most part. It got a few of my....cognitive cogs going, if you will.
The theory states that "love" is founded on three basic principals:
1. Commitment (self-explanatory)
2. Passion (Physical attraction, lust, if you will. Desire, I guess.)
3. Intimacy (Including but not limited to intercourse. Primarily this means the closeness of the two individuals in question --- how deep their knowledge of each other goes, I imagine.)
Now, a little disclaimer. I have a mental "to-do" list for life, and having a girlfriend or a relationship or whatever you wish to refer to it as is at the bottom. But lately I've been thinking a bit on this subject, mostly on how a relationship could benefit me.
Let me stop myself right there --- is that selfish?
Anyway. My thoughts tended to drift towards the idea that having an intellectual-equal or better, a companion of sorts, could be incredibly useful. I don't spend much time around people, or even my friends, but I've noticed that in my small group of friends I single out two of them that I find the most "intellectually stimulating", if you will.
This is partially why I was attracted to older girls (still am, for the most part) as a younger teen. The one I did attempt to get closer to wasn't interested. It wasn't really a....rejection, because I didn't really "ask her out", so much as I implied wanting to spend more time with her.
But alas, now I am older, and she is a strange little cookie, and I'm fairly sure I would have developed the same opinion of her had I been close, and that wouldn't have turned out so well.
I have come to an impasse. It seems that the older girls, or girls that I am attracted to (primarily for "intellectual stimulation", sometimes physically appealing) do not seem to want a "younger man". Or maybe they don't like me. That's probably more like it. Alternatively, the younger ones, some of which *do* like me, and have approached me on a few occasions, I find annoying in general. (You know, the crowd that wants a boyfriend because their friends have one, etc, etc.)
I've only had "two" "girlfriends" (heavy emphasis on quotes there) and I've been looking back at those "relationships" and what I have learned / can learn from them. The first one I began at age twelve, purely out of curiosity. I wanted to know what it was like to have a girlfriend, and why everyone else thought it was so cool to have one. I imagine that would fall under the "experimental" category. The relationship, as odd as it was, was also long-distance. After a month or so of e-mail exchanges she stopped saying important things. Our discussions went in reverse --- she was now speaking to me as if I were some stranger. "how are you today" and "nice weather, huh?". So I ended it. Politely, of course.
The second, however, I began for two reasons. This was around age 15 or so. The first was social pressure --- her friends kept driving me insane telling me to ask her out. They're lucky I didn't have a gun and bad disposition. The second reason was because I was already friends with her and enjoyed talking to her. The dark cloud came sweeping in once we had our "boyfriend/girlfriend" "title". It was....the worst thing ever. She changed on me, started acting odd, expecting things from me without letting me know first, looked at me in the strangest manner, and all of a sudden I started getting criticism for not complimenting her outfit on a Sunday.
This lasted for about a month, myself becoming ever more confused, until I snapped. A very mild snap, and mostly internalized. I politely broke it off, she seemed to take it quite well, and I thought that was that. Until I learned later that she cried herself to sleep and then my mother, sister, and a few others had some kind of.....agenda against me. I was suddenly a villain.
Did I miss something?
So I've learned a little, perhaps. I sense there is much, much, much more to learn as well. But I don't want to waste time experimenting. Have I merely had bad luck with girls, and there truly is one out there who thinks the way I do? Or am I this awful, uninformed monster of a boy who tears relationships apart and has no chance?
I now realize that was quite the read. I shall repeat/rephrase a couple of questions here at the bottom for clarity.
1. Any opinions on the theory? Heard it of it before?
2. Am I selfish for considering a relationship primarily for intellectual stimulation?
3. How common is it for men to prefer older women? How about the SJ crowd? How about ISTJs in particular?
4. Has anyone had similar experiences, or am I the odd man out?
5. Most of the above questions have been aimed at guys, so girls, do you think I am....strange? (Answer honestly --- you can't hurt my feelings.)
6. Are there any women out there who think somewhere along these lines, or is this a guy thing? Surely, there's someone.
Comments? Questions? Concerns? Opinions?