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  1. #11
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    I think it's not unusual at all for men to be attracted to older women. I'm almost one year older than my husband. And the intellectual connection is important to both of us. He likes being challenged (ENTP).

  2. #12
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FallaciaSonata View Post
    1. Any opinions on the theory? Heard it of it before?

    2. Am I selfish for considering a relationship primarily for intellectual stimulation?

    3. How common is it for men to prefer older women? How about the SJ crowd? How about ISTJs in particular?

    4. Has anyone had similar experiences, or am I the odd man out?

    5. Most of the above questions have been aimed at guys, so girls, do you think I am....strange? (Answer honestly --- you can't hurt my feelings.)

    6. Are there any women out there who think somewhere along these lines, or is this a guy thing? Surely, there's someone.



    Comments? Questions? Concerns? Opinions?
    Hello sir!

    The theory seems interesting enough, if a bit simplified. Commitment is probably the easiest one for me, with intimacy and passion (in that order) following. To answer your questions though (and I'll start on two since I kind of answered one already:


    2. Am I selfish for considering a relationship primarily for intellectual stimulation?


    Not if that's what you want. People want/need different things from a relationship so I don't see wanting it for intellectual stimulation as any different than what I'd like from it (emotional stimulation)


    3. How common is it for men to prefer older women? How about the SJ crowd? How about ISTJs in particular?


    My first girlfriend, and the woman I fell in love with, was 3 years older than me. Older women I have found generally have their stuff together much better than younger ones so I often prefer them (though this isn't always the case. My current crush is younger than me)

    4. Has anyone had similar experiences, or am I the odd man out?

    I've been in two relationships: The first one was truly wonderful but ended because we lived thousands of miles apart (LONG story about that one) and that wasn't ever going to change. I wanted someone I could cuddle up with every night and with our living situation that wasn't going to change...so I let it go (with a great deal of difficulty)

    The 2nd relationship she had intimacy issues that became a real problem for me a few months into the relationship and after trying to get her to opening up and failing, I walked away.

    So...no, I haven't had your situation

    5. Most of the above questions have been aimed at guys, so girls, do you think I am....strange? (Answer honestly --- you can't hurt my feelings.)

    Unorthodox certainly. Most guys I know want women primarily for sexual reasons. Like me, you seem to want a little more than that...just a totally different thing than me. But that's cool, whatever floats your boat.

    In any event, I hope you find what you're looking for man
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  3. #13
    Senior Member FallaciaSonata's Avatar
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    Thank you for the comments.

    I asked a question about how strange (if at all) I am to people for this thought process. I'm sort of wearing my brain on my sleeve here --- these types of thoughts are always internalized and never expressed. I do this for your input.

    Sometimes I find myself "cornered" by people who always say this, or something along these lines: "Don't think about it, just do it", or "go with the flow," or "don't over-analyze it," etc, etc.

    When they get to the "don't think" part, the rest of the words they say translate into gibberish to me. Telling someone like me to stop analyzing is like telling the government to quit spending money. It simply isn't going to work --- I was designed to think, and likewise, the governing body doesn't know how to do anything but burn cash.

    And furthermore, if a woman wanted to enter into a relationship with someone, and for discussion's sake, let's say it's me, wouldn't you prefer that I put a lot of forethought, care, and planning into something this important?

    Or would you have me go with the flow and just "hope" it works out OK, by mere chance, and when it fails, chalk it up to fate and move on? Because that seems like a bit of a waste to me.


    Again, this is all just free-thoughts here. Nothing I say here is emotionally binding to me or anything like that. Just me, trading my thoughts for other input, that I might learn something.


    ....thoughts?

    Always remember to flank your enemies. History won't remember how dramatic your failed frontal assault looked. - Dragon Age: Origins

  4. #14
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FallaciaSonata View Post
    I'm sort of wearing my brain on my sleeve here --- these types of thoughts are always internalized and never expressed. I do this for your input. Sometimes I find myself "cornered" by people who always say this, or something along these lines: "Don't think about it, just do it", or "go with the flow," or "don't over-analyze it," etc, etc. When they get to the "don't think" part, the rest of the words they say translate into gibberish to me. Telling someone like me to stop analyzing is like telling the government to quit spending money. It simply isn't going to work --- I was designed to think, and likewise, the governing body doesn't know how to do anything but burn cash.
    Ha ha, yeah, I also got that a lot, especially when I was your age actually (I'm 29). It used to really irritate me. Telling me not to think never stopped me from thinking. Now that I'm older though, I understand more what those people meant. Sometimes, thinking and planning and analysing will get you to a certain point but beyond that point more thinking isn't much use and can actually hinder you from progress or cause you unnecessary stress. I'm more aware now of when I'm probably at that point and am more open to the information I get from other non-thinking sources (although I still think a lot).

    Quote Originally Posted by FallaciaSonata View Post
    And furthermore, if a woman wanted to enter into a relationship with someone, and for discussion's sake, let's say it's me, wouldn't you prefer that I put a lot of forethought, care, and planning into something this important? Or would you have me go with the flow and just "hope" it works out OK, by mere chance, and when it fails, chalk it up to fate and move on? Because that seems like a bit of a waste to me. Again, this is all just free-thoughts here. Nothing I say here is emotionally binding to me or anything like that. Just me, trading my thoughts for other input, that I might learn something. ....thoughts?
    For a woman looking for a serious, long-term relationship, then yes, your forethought is a good thing. And it seems that's what you want too, so I don't think you have a problem and it isn't strange.

  5. #15
    Senior Member FallaciaSonata's Avatar
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    Sometimes, thinking and planning and analysing will get you to a certain point but beyond that point more thinking isn't much use and can actually hinder you from progress or cause you unnecessary stress. I'm more aware now of when I'm probably at that point and am more open to the information I get from other non-thinking sources (although I still think a lot).
    ....why didn't they just say that? That makes a lot more sense. So what you're saying is that thinking is definitely necessary, but it only does part of the job. Sounds....strangely logical. Thank you.

    Always remember to flank your enemies. History won't remember how dramatic your failed frontal assault looked. - Dragon Age: Origins

  6. #16
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FallaciaSonata View Post
    ....why didn't they just say that? That makes a lot more sense. So what you're saying is that thinking is definitely necessary, but it only does part of the job. Sounds....strangely logical. Thank you.
    You're welcome.

    Yes, that's it. For example, listening to your instincts and gut feelings can also tell you a lot and show you the right way to go, things that thinking can't tell you because it's just not the world of thinking. If you try to apply thinking to the wrong thing, you will just get stuck or cut yourself off from other kinds of knowledge.

    Also, from my own experience, too much thinking can cut you off from opportunities in the present that you don't take up or recognise because you're thinking. What I try to do now is to keep thinking (that is anyway second nature and easy and I won't lose it) while at the same time being open to taking a risk and just experiencing things without thinking about it first. I'll never be a natural risk taker or plunge into the deep end of things, but some of that kind of thing is I find good for balance and enjoying more of what life has to offer.

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